 Re: Herpes Relationship Question (PLEASE HELP)
On Tue, 18 Jul 2006, M.D. wrote:
> How can I have a long term relationship with someone that has Herpes?
Pretty much the same way as you for any long term relationship with
anybody.
You decide whether your perceived positive features are more important
than your perceived negative features and is it enough to go for it.
At the moment I get the impression that for you the percieved negatives
associate with herpes seem to be problematic for you.
I would suggest that the best thing to do is for you to talk about what
worries you here, even down to stuff you think must be absolutely flamin
obvious. What is it about your potential partner and herpes that worries
you.
Once you put that out we can see how accurate your knowledge is about
herpes and correct it if necessary, which may adjust that relationship
equation without changing anything other than your understanding
(Inaccurate information id probably the biggest problem to end
relationships). We can also fill in blanks that you might have, things you
dont know, numbrrs and figures - those give you the information you need
to fit that equation. Thirdly for those bits where you do know whats going
on people here in the same situation, on either side of the fence, can
explain how they deal with it - several are in precisely this situation
and probably more people than you know are in the situation too.
It boils down to How much do you want this person in your life, what are
you prepared to accept for the benefit of having this person around and
while you struggle to that decision how much do you actually know thats
right in what you think herpes will mean in the relationship.
Some basic info, a Herpes 101 if you will - these are simplistic and
generally there is a lot more discussion to get full context but they are
basic snippets to work with:
Genital herpes describes a disease, not a disease agent. THere is a differen
ce.
The disease agents we will talk about are HSV1 and HSV2.
HSV1 is classically associated with oro-facial herpes also known as cold
sores or fever blister. HSV2 is classically associated with genital
herpes. However these days in the US and most of Europe about 1 in 3 new
cases of genital herpes are in fact HSV1 not HSV2. Infection in one site
doesnt necessarily mean infection anywhere else.
HSV1 infects around 70% of the US adult population, HSV2 about 22%. That
takes no account of site of infection.
All the above infected could pass the virus on to someone else, and yes
it is a lifelong infection.
About 80-90% of infected people don't know it and assume they are
completely clean and no risk to anyone.
You don't need active visible lesions to pass the virus on - this is due
to asymptomatic shedding of virus.
In a discordant couple (one where one is infected and the other not) the
chance of transmission is worked out at about 5-10% chance per year -
uninfected women tend to be at the higher end of that risk rate,
uninfected men at the lower end. Thats transmission of the virus, not
whether that means disease lesions. This assumed a) monogamy, b) avoiding
sex during active outbreaks.
Other herpesviruses and their infection rates include Epstein Barr (90%+
of adults), Varicella Zoster virus (around 90% of adults) which causes
chickenpox and shingles. THere are 5 other human herpesviruses but those 2
are the ones people are likely to have heard of.
A number of drugs exist to treat lesions and relieve the problems
associated with getting active outbreaks.
Some drugs are licensed for suppressive therapy, this means the person
takes them continuously. This has been shown to cut the rate of
transmission to an uninfected partner by about a half. Condoms do the same
from memory (Ill have to check that).
So I guess the question is how much of that is new to you? How much of it
generates new questions (ask them)? Did any of it affect what you think of
the potential partner and why?
Fairly personal I know..but the help request is on fairly personal
areas..
Tim
--
When playing rugby, its not the winning that counts, but the taking apart
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"By opening up to a partner and talking about an STD diagnosis you are
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