 Death becomes him
The sky in this area is incredible. It was Julia that finally woke me
up to the beauty in nature and beauty in the world and made it in my
life constant. And now that - the affinity for and understanding of
beauty in the world; the affinity that inspired work that important
authors regard as lovely - is in me.
It is this - integrating the person's inspiration inside you -
that is the only way to truly move FORTH. There's all kinds of ways
to "move on"; but I'm not interested in that. I'm interested in
moving FORTH.
There is a difference between "moving on" and "moving forth."
The first takes yourself out of what you experienced and moves you away
from it; the second incorporates what has happened and makes it a
permanent part of yourself.
There can be no understating the importance of this distinction. I
reason as follows: If someone (or something) could give you powerful
emotional experience, or powerful experience of beauty, then there must
be something good to that person or event. Not only that, but there
must be something good - indeed something essential - to that in
yourself which it activated. And whether it be something intrinsic to
the person (or event) that provoked that experience - or something
intrinsic to yourself - or, as I believe to be in all cases, both in
interaction - then to "move on" from that is to deny yourself
something that is highly important, beautiful and worthwhile. And to do
so, is to impoverish your life - and, by destroying something
wonderful in yourself, also to lead yourself to impoverish lives of
others.
Whereas in moving FORTH, you make what you saw in the other person a
permanent part of you, and go on into life having been enriched instead
of impoverished by your experience. You take the beauty that the other
person possesses - or that you see in an event, a painting, anything
that could have evoked such a reaction - and partake of it and make
it a part of your life - a part also of - YOURSELF. Rather than
being reduced and cut apart, piece by piece, by your experiences and
your choices, instead you grow - grow not in the idiotic sense of
"grow up" shouted by people who, whether "grown up" or not, are
certainly nothing worth "growing up" to become like - but rather in
the true sense: Of incorporating into yourself all that evokes in
yourself the feeling of passion - the feeling of exaltation - the
feeling of passionate approval with the totality of your Beingness -
and not only having - THAT - as constant part of your living
entity, but likewise something that you are in position to impart to
others.
I had a friend who was loved passionately by a woman. He loved someone
else, and he kept making reasons to claim that the first woman did not
truly love him. My response: You Daft Prick. Here is how I would
approach this situation. I would say, "I know you love me, but I
cannot be with you. What you can do, however, is take what you see in
me and make it part of yourself. What you can do is take the beauty you
feel for me and see it everywhere in the universe, of which I am but a
reflection - or, if it is something that you see in me uniquely, then
make it something that lives - IN YOU. Take that energy you feel for
me and use it to make the world beautiful around you and for the people
in your life. Turn it into art, turn it into spiritual practice, turn
it into ambition, turn it into anything that will benefit you and other
people. And then you could have me, with you, for as long as you are
alive, even though we be apart."
When someone loves you, you have the power over that person. Use that
power for good. How? I have just shown you.
So I was watching the watercolors above me, with sheets of sun beaming
through, and I fell to my knees. And all those luminous souls saying
"see, we can be so much happier here." Well yes, I can see that; so
there was the lotus meditation and skipping dinner. Oh yeah, "9:35"
- make spirit of 1995 manifest three times. For soul, for heart and
for life.
Fireflies, fireflies. Beautiful fireflies. And after I ate some
blackberries on the ground - at least one with some insect droppings
- a firefly sat on me, and I kissed it, and off it flew with a light.
I promised to send good stuff to someone. I did.
There's the conventions for businessmen, academics, media,
intellectuals. Pardon me sir, but where is the next convention for
whirling dervishes?
You think beauty is against religion? Then feast on this:
Psalms 95:6: Honour and majesty are before him; strength and beauty are
in his sanctuary.
Psalm 95! And what then? 5:6! 95: The time of endless beauty and
romance. 56: the sublime, delicate, exquisite, tender, warm, gentle,
sweet, magnificent inspiration that lives in Julia's soul and her art
and her heart. And here they are. Together, One after the next,
BLENDING INTO EACH OTHER. Opened on a random page in the Bible.
Still an atheist?
So what are you waiting for, whirling dervish? Take the passion and
majesty of 1995 (the yogic romanticism) and bring it in from the left,
as from the right you bring in the Christian romanticism and luminous
beauty and bring them into a merger and integration. Don't choose one
or the other, choose both in synthesis. Who needs to make choices when
you can integrate?
Oh and today, today. I'm telling you, sky in this area is incredible.
I took pictures today. The sky between trees looks like a winding
river. Yes I saw God in Julia; I also saw Julia in Julia. Loving God is
an excellent thing, ladies and gentlemen, but loving Julia is a quite
charming thing too.
What else? Interlaced bushes. Some with purple leaves; others with
green leaves and red flowers. Two ways to arrange things: Blend both
parts, or make each its extreme element and work with extreme form of
the other element, with both doing their part and working together.
I am the supporter of romantic souls, whatever the religion. And in
95:6, or 9:56, is a way to let yogic and Christian intersect at the
prize of spiritual experience and make possible life worth living.
Ilya Shambat
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