calderhome@yahoo.com wrote:
> see: http://home.att.net/~meditation/
>
> Christopher
>
*****SPV...What is the deal when you write things about Osho and you
say this:

Rajneesh spoke on a high level of intelligence and his powerful presence
emanated from his body like a soft light that healed all wounds.  While
sitting close during a small gathering of friends, Rajneesh took me on a
rapidly vertical inner journey that almost seemed to push me out of my
physical body.  His vast presence lifted everyone around him higher
without the slightest effort on their part.  The days I spent at his
Bombay apartment were like days spent in heaven.  He had it all, and he
was giving it away for free!

******SPV...Is this not what I am doing?  I have the little apartment
like a cave with all the fixings in middle America with seeming it all
plus even the pretty young girls that want to get together and here I am
in this setting giving it away for free.  And that is going to be the
deal whenever you find a real Enlightened Being because you guys are
family and anyone that wants to know about the truth or the high
mysteries is given for free.  Now of couse I had to pay $60 for that new
tire, but when someone wants the mysteries from me the cost is zero.

And remember that when you call me a bum or a Varnish sniffer or
whatever other lies you tell about me remember that I always gave it
away for free.  Like a woman in love with her boyfriend.  She always
gives it away for free and money has nothing to do with it and if she
goes for the money then she becomes a whore.  And I have known women
that they openly admit that if they went out to dinner with the guy it
was her duty to be honerable and fair to go to bed with the guy if he
buys you dinner.  Now isn't that being a whore?  And when you talk about
love you talk about becoming a whore.  I am selling love, but not sex.
I sell love and I sell knowledge about love and higher consciousness but
I do not take money for the sale.  I take respect and I take love from
them.  Still if you do not love me or respect me I will not love or
respect you which shows you where I am at.  The money is the last thing
I am interested in so I am always a little behind the boat when it comes
to getting the job done.  I seem to always be piviting on the money.  If
the clients don't want to play then neither do I.

So here I am on the phone talking to clients.  Doing the deal and
working the game and talking people into more work.  Plus I am then
writing these love letters to you.  And I can't believe I can't find one
girl amoung you to flirt with me so that we can cover all the aspects of
budding love.  Here I am just down to the bone and you guys can't afford
one woman to play this game with me?  What is wrong with you?

So I have done just tons of work and I am now going to clean up the rest
while I wait for the new tire to be put on my car.  So the car is down
but I am tying this lovenote that I am noticing that took all of twenty
minutes to write.

Isn't it too bad I couldn't get a job with someone writing?  You give me
an office and a TV to watch the news and I will comment and nobody cares
what I write even though the insight is Enlightened.  And it is only
later that you say, "Shit I wish we knew he was kicking out the truth
before it happened so we could work the deal also?  And it is only 9:50
am and I am just looking for new business.  I do the proofs and then I
get an idea and I am sending out letters to ask for more work.  And then
I have pains.  My back is broke.  Oh, the pain, but it will pass.

And I went and laid down and after 20 minutes the spasm is gone and I am
back and that is only one drawback of my life.  My idiot brother who is
the biggest disappointment of my life who could have back me and made a
billion dollars.  The next biggest disappoint was Gene Sparsbaro.  And
then Mike Stead.  All with enough money and all could have backed me and
I got nothing.  I mean my brother took them all for a ride with is
Professional Golfer trip and maybe they lost enough with his
Professional Golfer trip.

So listen to this...you know all this fear...And I know this has
been a burden for you but it has to be looked at and if you will not
look at your own fear then I will shame myself so you can look at mine
and see the same old story no matter what the deal is.

So I get up and buy a new tire and they are putting it on and I did all
these proofs with bills and all the clients that needed their proofs
right away.  So I am at the Bank having them notarized and my phone
rings and it is some calling yellow page ad with three serves and he
says, "I can't leave until you get here to take the work to get it
done."  And he is in Golden.  So I come home get the reserve car which
is in the back yard and I take all my serves and I am looking for a
check from a new client paid up front for $105 and it is 11 am.

Remember all that fear that this business was dead?  That it would not
bring in any more money?  And I am taking the grant people's phone
number to see if I can't barrow another $2,500 since I paid back the
last loan and I just need some backing for a while where I just work and
spend no money with my new templete if you know what I mean?

And I am now on my way with money and backup going to pick up 3 more
cases and more on the way.  And I thought it was over and in the dust
and it has nothing to do with what I thought it did.

Do you get what I am showing you!  IT HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH WHAT I WAS
JUSTIFYING IT WITH.  IT IS DOING IT'S OWN DEAL AND IT HAS NOTHING TO DO
WITH WHAT I THOUGHT OR IMAGINED IT DID.  IT IS DOING IT'S OWN THING.

And if only I could get you to see this.  Repression just hides it.
Talking about it helps you repress it.  Feeling it is the only way to
go.  Got to go to work.

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