Hi Richard,
As Elizabeth says, many of us have been through those terrible times in our
lives when everything seems overwhelming and impossible. It's a strange
thing in society that we usually keep those experiences so hidden and
secret - I guess because they are so painful - but it just makes us feel
more alone when we go through it ourselves, because we aren't aware of how
very common these experiences are.

I'd just like to reiterate Elizabeth's comments; that when we are going
through a really dark time in our lives it's as if we have blinkers on and
all we can see or envisage is the pain of the present. Your present pain is
very real but it doesn't define your past or your future.

You've had and are having a terrible time - a relationship break-up, moving
and having a poorly understood chronic illness are all very stressful things
for anyone to go through separately, let alone altogether! Try to be as
gentle and nurturing towards yourself as you would a dear friend in the same
situation. Don't look at the big picture of your life for now - just focus
on the little things such as eating nice food you enjoy, reading or watching
a video, keeping snug and warm. Nurture yourself in small ways, reach out in
ways that feel do-able and just take one step at a time. Don't create
unnecessary tasks or goals, or think too much of the coming months -
sometimes it's enough just to deal with today.

It is cliche, but if we look up at a huge mountain it feels impossible to
get up it, but if we just look at the step in front of us that might feel
achievable for today - and we might not end up wanting to go up the mountain
anyway(!), so why look too far ahead when it can just overwhelm us?
best wishes to you from Oz
Sian


-----Original Message-----
From: Chronic Fatigue Syndrome discussion CFIDS/ME
[mailto:CFS-L@MAELSTROM.STJOHNS.EDU]On Behalf Of elizabeth barnett
Sent: Wednesday, 17 November 2004 10:18 a.m.
To: CFS-L@MAELSTROM.STJOHNS.EDU

---------------------------------
Browse the CFS-L online archives.> Date:    Sun, 14
Nov 2004 18:04:45 -0000
> From:    Richard Vanahlen
> <richard@enigma.fsworld.co.uk>
> Subject: Need advice
>
> Hi everyone,
>
> I normally just lurk on this list but I am in a bad
> way and need some advice..

I feel
> that I have absolutely no future and that I will
> never get over this. In fact I feel doubtful that I
> will get through the winter.

I hope you can just recognize that as a feeling and
not a reality.  It is most likely that you can get
thru the winter, but you might have some bad days,
weeks perhaps, while you are winding down from the
whirlwind of moving and losing an important person in
your life, not to speak of the ongoing trickiness of
this disease.

Best to you, I hope you can hang in there.  I
think most of us on this list have been there and
somehow come out of it, and continue with some hope
that things might be able to change.
Best, Elizabeth

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