The affects of boredom!

Out of shear boredom, I have made several searches to find more
recovery groups to read and post to. There doesn't seem to be any
other message boards dedicated to offender recovery support. I did
find several web sites that advocate and promote sexual interaction
between adults and children. A lot of these people want to
disassociate pedophilia and sexual abuse. I can't help but to see it
as nothing more than a ploy to rationalize, minimize, justify,
advocate, and promote the sexual exploitation of children.

I have copied some of the material from one of these sites. These
documents express the beliefs of these people. I offer them as a topic
of discussion and as tool for us to learn how pedophilia affects our
belief system, our thoughts, and our actions. This material does not
reflect my opinions. This material may not be appropriate for
recovering offenders early in their recovery. I strongly advise
personal discretion when viewing this material.

I find this material to be offensive to the adopted and accepted
beliefs of psychosexual therapy and offender recovery.

Again, this material does not reflect my beliefs. This material
reflects the beliefs of a growing movement of people that wish to
advocate and promote the sexual exploitation of children.

This material is sick and it reflects, in part, the belief system that
a lot of sex offender's ascribe to when they are sexually active with
children. It is good example of beliefs that break down moral barriers
and help a person sexually exploit children.


Reader discretion is advised.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
Copyright © 2003-2004, Lindsay Ashford

Our Ethos

There is ample medical and scientific evidence which indicates that
children are sexual beings from a very early age. Throughout history,
there have always been adults who have been attracted to children.
Both coercive and consensual relationships between adults and children
are well-documented.

While many maintain that moves to accept adult-child relationships are
a new development, some sort of 'final frontier' for sexuality, this
is simply not the case. On the contrary, what is new are restrictive
laws governing ages of consent and sexual activity with minors.
Industrialized nations did not begin a concerted effort to raise ages
of consent until the turn of the 20th century. In some cases, such
laws were adopted to combat child prostitution, whilst in other cases,
these agendas were pushed by a vocal minority of religious
conservatives. Unfortunately, this type of legislation does not
achieve what its proponents claim it achieves. Those who would molest
children or exploit them do so regardless of what laws are on the
books. Punishing this needs to be handled by legislation which
regulates molestation, rape and exploitation of children. Consent
legislation, on the other hand, achieves nothing but discriminating
against those consenting young people and adults who have grown to
love each other and wish to express that love in an intimate manner.

Rather than prohibiting activity and forcing many to suppress their
sexuality, society needs to work harder to educate both children and
adults about sexuality and learning to express it in a positive and
consensual manner which does not cause harm to come to any of the
participants. Prohibitions only result in people developing negative
perceptions about their bodies and their sexuality, which can lead to
immense psychic and emotional stress as well as negative attitudes
towards sexuality.

Of course, adult-child intimate relations need to be regulated by a
standard of ethics which is transparent and understood by all parties
involved-not only the adult and the young person who love each other,
but the parents of the young person as well. Parents have a legitimate
reason to be concerned about the welfare of their children. Therefore,
we have proposed a four-point compact between these parties in order
to ensure a safe and open framework in which such relationships can
develop and flourish. These four points are a synthesis of two sets of
proposals made in 1998, the first by Gerald Roelofs and the second by
Dr. Frans Gieles in conjunction with the JORis workgroup of the JORis
workgroup of the Dutch Association for Sexual Reform (NVSH).

Consent of both child and adult
Right now, most countries have an age of consent, which is the
legally-mandated age at which a young person can consent to sexual
activity without risking prosecution for himself and/or his partner.
However, the age of consent ignores the fact that the sexual and
emotional development of children is not bound to a certain age.
Rather than protecting children, it sets intolerable limits to their
freedom. Young people are often believed to be unable to give consent,
even when the meaning, purpose and responsibilities of intimate
physical activity have been, either explicitly or implicitly,
explained to them.

In an environment where children are properly educated about their
sexuality, rather than kept in an enforced darkness, they will be
better equipped to decide for themselves whether and with whom to
share the joys of intimacy. Rather than simply telling them that the
feelings they experience are 'bad' or 'wrong', or that they are 'too
young' to be experiencing them, they ought to be taught about the
responsibilities and risks of expressing these feelings with another
person. Empowering them to make choices for themselves gives them a
positive feeling about their sexuality which they will carry with them
into adulthood.
Freedom for the child to withdraw at any time
The child should have the freedom to withdraw from the relationship at
any moment. Dependence relationships (by law or social) in which
sexuality plays a role may hinder children in this freedom. However,
this is dependent on each individual situation. By freedom to
withdraw, we mean that the child should have the right to dictate the
extent and tempo of the relationship on every level, and to choose
which facets of the relationship he wishes to continue in and which
facets he wishes to discontinue or refrain from altogether.

We believe that a child's right to withdrawal includes a right to be
treated with continuing respect by his partner or previous partner,
and a right not to be subjected to any sort of demeaning or vindictive
behavior. Part of affirming a child's ability to choose is honoring
his freedom of choice, regardless of how unpleasant these decisions
may be for the partner.
Harmony with the child's level of development
Any contact should be in harmony with the child's level of
psycho-sexual and physical development. This means that the contacts
should be appropriate not only to his wishes, but to his level of
experience, and should not in any way cause harm to come to the
child's body. This requires that the older partner exercise a high
level of responsibility to educate the child about what his body can
sustain and to what he can do if he wishes to do so.
In a loving consensual relationship, any physical activity will likely
be gradual, with the older partner not attempting to do anything with
a child until the child is comfortable with lower level of intimacy
and can engage in them without any adverse physical or emotional
effects.
Openness towards the child's parents
Openness towards the parents of the child is of utmost importance. The
child should not be required to keep secrets from his parents. The
child's experience of events is dependent on the entire situation,
including the quality of the relationship and the support of adults
around it-including his parents. In most societies, pedophilia is an
emotionally charged concept. Because of the many prejudices,
pedophiles will be afraid to be open about a relationship towards the
child's parents. Nonetheless, this openness is a crucial condition.

Children should be protected from everyone who uses force, coercion or
manipulation to cause a child to engage in sexual activity he does not
want, or would not normally consent to. A child's parents should thus
be able to determine to what extent the three other suggested
guidelines are being respected. The pedophile's feelings are private,
but his or her actions are not. The parents of the child have the
right to ensure that the pedophile is not doing anything with their
child that could cause bodily or emotional harm and to intervene if
they have reason to believe that the child is being coerced or
manipulated into physical activities he is not ready for or desirous
of.

As well as a compact between ourelves and society, parents and the
children we love, we also propose a code of ethics between ourselves
and the young people specifically. This creed or covenant represents a
list of pledges we aim to keep in any romantic relationship we enter
into.

A ChildLover's Creed

I will always treat you with dignity and respect.
This is a commitment to treating a young person in such a way that
they are not humiliated or embarrassed either in public or in private.
A childlover explains without being condescending but also without
talking above the young person's head. He treats the young person as
an individual rather than as an object or a possession and strives to
ensure that that individuality is not suppressed or occluded by the
force of his personality.
I will always put your well-being ahead of my own.
This is a recognition that a young person may not always be able to
ensure his safety as effectively as an adult. A childlover endeavors
to protect the young person in any way he can, including risking his
own life or well-being to ensure the safety of the young person. In an
emotional sense, this is a commitment to not leaving a young person to
face the social consequences of a relationship on his own.
I will always give to you first before accepting anything from you.
This is a commitment to ensure that the balance in the relationship
always remains in favor of the young person. A childlover strives to
make sure that in all things - love, affection, pleasure and material
items - that the young person always receives more than he gives. He
aims to give without expecting anything in return and actively looks
for ways to bring happiness to the young person.
I will always stop when you tell me to stop.
This is a very important promise. It recognizes that a young person
should always feel in control of any situation and that he may change
his mind about anything that he has previously agreed to do. A
childlover is always sensitive to the tempo that the young person sets
for any activity. He will not try to pursue any physical or emotional
activity that the young person states that he wants to suspend or is
not comfortable with.
I will always avoid the use of force, coercion or manipulation to get
my way with you.
This ensures that anything that occurs in a relationship is fully
voluntary from both sides. A childlover will not continue to pester a
young person to do things he has already stated he does not want to
do, and will not use unfair forms of persuasion or take advantage of
his age, size, strength or experience in such ways that induce a young
person to do something he does not want to do.
I will always do my utmost to ensure that no physical or emotional
harm comes to you.
Similar in some aspects to the second commitment, this one is more
preventive in nature. This means avoiding dangerous situations or
activities that can lead to physical harm, including refraining from
any intimate activities that could cause bodily injury to the young
person. This also means conducting a relationship in such a way that
the young person does not become a subject of derision or ridicule in
his community.
I will always strive to encourage and contribute to your emotional,
intellectual and spiritual development.
A young person is still developing and growing in many ways. A
childlover recognizes this and is eager to help this development.
Helping a young person discover the world through academic and
intellectual pursuits, guiding a young person through new feelings and
emotions that he may experience and striving to help him realize his
true potential and completeness as a human being are of paramount
importance.
I will always answer your questions with honesty and sensitivity.
Young people have many questions and deserve to be given answers that
respect their curiosity and their right to know the truth both about
the world around them and about the relationship that they are
involved in. A childlover is committed to not misleading answers and
endeavors to be honest even when the questions are uncomfortable. At
the same time, he strives to answer with tact and sensitivity to the
young person's feelings.
I will always respect your opinions, thoughts and wishes.
This is an affirmation of the individuality of the young person and
his freedom of thought. A childlover does not try to enforce his
worldview on the young person and allows him to disagree and to have
his own opinions without fear of retribution. He is gracious in
disagreement and gentle in argument, preferring persuasion and
fairness to deceit and belligerence.
I will always ask rather than assume.
This is a recognition of the fact that a young person may be reluctant
to actively oppose something he may feel uncomfortable with. A
childlover, rather than assuming that silence equals agreement, seeks
to engage the young person in any decision-making process and looks
for signs of active, rather than passive, agreement. He is also
sensitive to non-verbal cues that belie his spoken words.

Report this post to a moderator

[  Post Follow-up to this message ]

Thank you for posting this.

I've been reluctant to visit child-lover sites for fear that I could be
taken in by persuasive arguments into thinking it might be ok to act
out my paedophile fantasies.

If this is a fair example of what I would find there, I needn't have
worried.

These desparate attempts to make up rules that could somehow
protect children against the emotional confusion that underlies our
sexual urges simply show me even more clearly than before that sex
with children could never work, even in the most extravagantly
permissive world of my fantasies.

Love and respect
Chris

"Doesn't matter" <no-e-mail@gohome.com> wrote in message
news:ks4ln05ufdsnmnf8qs47orb0jd1crchic0@4ax.com..
> The affects of boredom!
>
> Out of shear boredom, I have made several searches to find more
> recovery groups to read and post to. There doesn't seem to be any
> other message boards dedicated to offender recovery support. I did
> find several web sites that advocate and promote sexual interaction
> between adults and children. A lot of these people want to
> disassociate pedophilia and sexual abuse. I can't help but to see it
> as nothing more than a ploy to rationalize, minimize, justify,
> advocate, and promote the sexual exploitation of children.
>
> I have copied some of the material from one of these sites. These
> documents express the beliefs of these people. I offer them as a topic
> of discussion and as tool for us to learn how pedophilia affects our
> belief system, our thoughts, and our actions. This material does not
> reflect my opinions. This material may not be appropriate for
> recovering offenders early in their recovery. I strongly advise
> personal discretion when viewing this material.
>
> I find this material to be offensive to the adopted and accepted
> beliefs of psychosexual therapy and offender recovery.
>
> Again, this material does not reflect my beliefs. This material
> reflects the beliefs of a growing movement of people that wish to
> advocate and promote the sexual exploitation of children.
>
> This material is sick and it reflects, in part, the belief system that
> a lot of sex offender's ascribe to when they are sexually active with
> children. It is good example of beliefs that break down moral barriers
> and help a person sexually exploit children.
>
>
> Reader discretion is advised.
> .
> .
> .
> .
> .
> .
> .
> .
> .
> .
> .
> .
> .
> .
> .
> .
> .
> .
> .
> .
> .
> .
> .
> .
> .
> .
> .
> .
> Copyright © 2003-2004, Lindsay Ashford
>
> Our Ethos
>
> There is ample medical and scientific evidence which indicates that
> children are sexual beings from a very early age. Throughout history,
> there have always been adults who have been attracted to children.
> Both coercive and consensual relationships between adults and children
> are well-documented.
>
> While many maintain that moves to accept adult-child relationships are
> a new development, some sort of 'final frontier' for sexuality, this
> is simply not the case. On the contrary, what is new are restrictive
> laws governing ages of consent and sexual activity with minors.
> Industrialized nations did not begin a concerted effort to raise ages
> of consent until the turn of the 20th century. In some cases, such
> laws were adopted to combat child prostitution, whilst in other cases,
> these agendas were pushed by a vocal minority of religious
> conservatives. Unfortunately, this type of legislation does not
> achieve what its proponents claim it achieves. Those who would molest
> children or exploit them do so regardless of what laws are on the
> books. Punishing this needs to be handled by legislation which
> regulates molestation, rape and exploitation of children. Consent
> legislation, on the other hand, achieves nothing but discriminating
> against those consenting young people and adults who have grown to
> love each other and wish to express that love in an intimate manner.
>
> Rather than prohibiting activity and forcing many to suppress their
> sexuality, society needs to work harder to educate both children and
> adults about sexuality and learning to express it in a positive and
> consensual manner which does not cause harm to come to any of the
> participants. Prohibitions only result in people developing negative
> perceptions about their bodies and their sexuality, which can lead to
> immense psychic and emotional stress as well as negative attitudes
> towards sexuality.
>
> Of course, adult-child intimate relations need to be regulated by a
> standard of ethics which is transparent and understood by all parties
> involved-not only the adult and the young person who love each other,
> but the parents of the young person as well. Parents have a legitimate
> reason to be concerned about the welfare of their children. Therefore,
> we have proposed a four-point compact between these parties in order
> to ensure a safe and open framework in which such relationships can
> develop and flourish. These four points are a synthesis of two sets of
> proposals made in 1998, the first by Gerald Roelofs and the second by
> Dr. Frans Gieles in conjunction with the JORis workgroup of the JORis
> workgroup of the Dutch Association for Sexual Reform (NVSH).
>
> Consent of both child and adult
> Right now, most countries have an age of consent, which is the
> legally-mandated age at which a young person can consent to sexual
> activity without risking prosecution for himself and/or his partner.
> However, the age of consent ignores the fact that the sexual and
> emotional development of children is not bound to a certain age.
> Rather than protecting children, it sets intolerable limits to their
> freedom. Young people are often believed to be unable to give consent,
> even when the meaning, purpose and responsibilities of intimate
> physical activity have been, either explicitly or implicitly,
> explained to them.
>
> In an environment where children are properly educated about their
> sexuality, rather than kept in an enforced darkness, they will be
> better equipped to decide for themselves whether and with whom to
> share the joys of intimacy. Rather than simply telling them that the
> feelings they experience are 'bad' or 'wrong', or that they are 'too
> young' to be experiencing them, they ought to be taught about the
> responsibilities and risks of expressing these feelings with another
> person. Empowering them to make choices for themselves gives them a
> positive feeling about their sexuality which they will carry with them
> into adulthood.
> Freedom for the child to withdraw at any time
> The child should have the freedom to withdraw from the relationship at
> any moment. Dependence relationships (by law or social) in which
> sexuality plays a role may hinder children in this freedom. However,
> this is dependent on each individual situation. By freedom to
> withdraw, we mean that the child should have the right to dictate the
> extent and tempo of the relationship on every level, and to choose
> which facets of the relationship he wishes to continue in and which
> facets he wishes to discontinue or refrain from altogether.
>
> We believe that a child's right to withdrawal includes a right to be
> treated with continuing respect by his partner or previous partner,
> and a right not to be subjected to any sort of demeaning or vindictive
> behavior. Part of affirming a child's ability to choose is honoring
> his freedom of choice, regardless of how unpleasant these decisions
> may be for the partner.
> Harmony with the child's level of development
> Any contact should be in harmony with the child's level of
> psycho-sexual and physical development. This means that the contacts
> should be appropriate not only to his wishes, but to his level of
> experience, and should not in any way cause harm to come to the
> child's body. This requires that the older partner exercise a high
> level of responsibility to educate the child about what his body can
> sustain and to what he can do if he wishes to do so.
> In a loving consensual relationship, any physical activity will likely
> be gradual, with the older partner not attempting to do anything with
> a child until the child is comfortable with lower level of intimacy
> and can engage in them without any adverse physical or emotional
> effects.
> Openness towards the child's parents
> Openness towards the parents of the child is of utmost importance. The
> child should not be required to keep secrets from his parents. The
> child's experience of events is dependent on the entire situation,
> including the quality of the relationship and the support of adults
> around it-including his parents. In most societies, pedophilia is an
> emotionally charged concept. Because of the many prejudices,
> pedophiles will be afraid to be open about a relationship towards the
> child's parents. Nonetheless, this openness is a crucial condition.
>
> Children should be protected from everyone who uses force, coercion or
> manipulation to cause a child to engage in sexual activity he does not
> want, or would not normally consent to. A child's parents should thus
> be able to determine to what extent the three other suggested
> guidelines are being respected. The pedophile's feelings are private,
> but his or her actions are not. The parents of the child have the
> right to ensure that the pedophile is not doing anything with their
> child that could cause bodily or emotional harm and to intervene if
> they have reason to believe that the child is being coerced or
> manipulated into physical activities he is not ready for or desirous
> of.
>
> As well as a compact between ourelves and society, parents and the
> children we love, we also propose a code of ethics between ourselves
> and the young people specifically. This creed or covenant represents a
> list of pledges we aim to keep in any romantic relationship we enter
> into.
>
> A ChildLover's Creed
>
> I will always treat you with dignity and respect.
> This is a commitment to treating a young person in such a way that
> they are not humiliated or embarrassed either in public or in private.
> A childlover explains without being condescending but also without
> talking above the young person's head. He treats the young person as
> an individual rather than as an object or a possession and strives to
> ensure that that individuality is not suppressed or occluded by the
> force of his personality.
> I will always put your well-being ahead of my own.
> This is a recognition that a young person may not always be able to
> ensure his safety as effectively as an adult. A childlover endeavors
> to protect the young person in any way he can, including risking his
> own life or well-being to ensure the safety of the young person. In an
> emotional sense, this is a commitment to not leaving a young person to
> face the social consequences of a relationship on his own.
> I will always give to you first before accepting anything from you.
> This is a commitment to ensure that the balance in the relationship
> always remains in favor of the young person. A childlover strives to
> make sure that in all things - love, affection, pleasure and material
> items - that the young person always receives more than he gives. He
> aims to give without expecting anything in return and actively looks
> for ways to bring happiness to the young person.
> I will always stop when you tell me to stop.
> This is a very important promise. It recognizes that a young person
> should always feel in control of any situation and that he may change
> his mind about anything that he has previously agreed to do. A
> childlover is always sensitive to the tempo that the young person sets
> for any activity. He will not try to pursue any physical or emotional
> activity that the young person states that he wants to suspend or is
> not comfortable with.
> I will always avoid the use of force, coercion or manipulation to get
> my way with you.
> This ensures that anything that occurs in a relationship is fully
> voluntary from both sides. A childlover will not continue to pester a
> young person to do things he has already stated he does not want to
> do, and will not use unfair forms of persuasion or take advantage of
> his age, size, strength or experience in such ways that induce a young
> person to do something he does not want to do.
> I will always do my utmost to ensure that no physical or emotional
> harm comes to you.
> Similar in some aspects to the second commitment, this one is more
> preventive in nature. This means avoiding dangerous situations or
> activities that can lead to physical harm, including refraining from
> any intimate activities that could cause bodily injury to the young
> person. This also means conducting a relationship in such a way that
> the young person does not become a subject of derision or ridicule in
> his community.
> I will always strive to encourage and contribute to your emotional,
> intellectual and spiritual development.
> A young person is still developing and growing in many ways. A
> childlover recognizes this and is eager to help this development.
> Helping a young person discover the world through academic and
> intellectual pursuits, guiding a young person through new feelings and
> emotions that he may experience and striving to help him realize his
> true potential and completeness as a human being are of paramount
> importance.
> I will always answer your questions with honesty and sensitivity.
> Young people have many questions and deserve to be given answers that
> respect their curiosity and their right to know the truth both about
> the world around them and about the relationship that they are
> involved in. A childlover is committed to not misleading answers and
> endeavors to be honest even when the questions are uncomfortable. At
> the same time, he strives to answer with tact and sensitivity to the
> young person's feelings.
> I will always respect your opinions, thoughts and wishes.
> This is an affirmation of the individuality of the young person and
> his freedom of thought. A childlover does not try to enforce his
> worldview on the young person and allows him to disagree and to have
> his own opinions without fear of retribution. He is gracious in
> disagreement and gentle in argument, preferring persuasion and
> fairness to deceit and belligerence.
> I will always ask rather than assume.
> This is a recognition of the fact that a young person may be reluctant
> to actively oppose something he may feel uncomfortable with. A
> childlover, rather than assuming that silence equals agreement, seeks
> to engage the young person in any decision-making process and looks
> for signs of active, rather than passive, agreement. He is also
> sensitive to non-verbal cues that belie his spoken words.
>
>
>

Report this post to a moderator

[  Post Follow-up to this message ]

On Sat, 23 Oct 2004 22:35:14 +0100, "ChrisX"
<spambin@asarian-host.org> wrote:

>Thank you for posting this.
>
>I've been reluctant to visit child-lover sites for fear that I could be
>taken in by persuasive arguments into thinking it might be ok to act
>out my paedophile fantasies.
>
>If this is a fair example of what I would find there, I needn't have
>worried.
>
>These desparate attempts to make up rules that could somehow
>protect children against the emotional confusion that underlies our
>sexual urges simply show me even more clearly than before that sex
>with children could never work, even in the most extravagantly
>permissive world of my fantasies.
>
>Love and respect
>Chris

These people actually believe they can have health consensual sexual
relationships with children. I once believed that and I ended up
shattering the lives of some very beautiful children as well as the
lives of the families, both theirs and mine. As I read through this
document, I can see the shattered faces of my victims and I can feel
the pain that I caused in their lives. If these people could only feel
that pain I believe this document would make them as sick as it made
me.

As I look upon this document and I reflect on how I held similar
beliefs I can't help but come the question, how did I let myself get
that far out of tune with the realities of sexual abuse. So far out of
tune that I violated the very innocents of childhood. The beliefs in
this document serve only to ease the mind of the perpetrator and take
in no consideration for the development and well being of children.
The very soul of the document is immoral as it advocates and promotes
the sexual exploitation of innocent children. I feel sorrow for the
children that have no choice but to live in close proximity with any
one that harbors such distorted beliefs. I feel helpless in a plight
to open the eyes of so-called child lovers. It is likely that many
children will suffer before justice prevails and these people are made
accountable for the pain and damage they cause.

Report this post to a moderator

[  Post Follow-up to this message ]

Thank you for posting this.

I've been reluctant to visit child-lover sites for fear that I could be
taken in by persuasive arguments into thinking it might be ok to act
out my paedophile fantasies.

If this is a fair example of what I would find there, I needn't have
worried.

These desparate attempts to make up rules that could somehow
protect children against the emotional confusion that underlies our
sexual urges simply show me even more clearly than before that sex
with children could never work, even in the most extravagantly
permissive world of my fantasies.

Love and respect
Chris

"Doesn't matter" <no-e-mail@gohome.com> wrote in message
news:ks4ln05ufdsnmnf8qs47orb0jd1crchic0@4ax.com..
> The affects of boredom!
>
> Out of shear boredom, I have made several searches to find more
> recovery groups to read and post to. There doesn't seem to be any
> other message boards dedicated to offender recovery support. I did
> find several web sites that advocate and promote sexual interaction
> between adults and children. A lot of these people want to
> disassociate pedophilia and sexual abuse. I can't help but to see it
> as nothing more than a ploy to rationalize, minimize, justify,
> advocate, and promote the sexual exploitation of children.
>
> I have copied some of the material from one of these sites. These
> documents express the beliefs of these people. I offer them as a topic
> of discussion and as tool for us to learn how pedophilia affects our
> belief system, our thoughts, and our actions. This material does not
> reflect my opinions. This material may not be appropriate for
> recovering offenders early in their recovery. I strongly advise
> personal discretion when viewing this material.
>
> I find this material to be offensive to the adopted and accepted
> beliefs of psychosexual therapy and offender recovery.
>
> Again, this material does not reflect my beliefs. This material
> reflects the beliefs of a growing movement of people that wish to
> advocate and promote the sexual exploitation of children.
>
> This material is sick and it reflects, in part, the belief system that
> a lot of sex offender's ascribe to when they are sexually active with
> children. It is good example of beliefs that break down moral barriers
> and help a person sexually exploit children.
>
>
> Reader discretion is advised.
> .
> .
> .
> .
> .
> .
> .
> .
> .
> .
> .
> .
> .
> .
> .
> .
> .
> .
> .
> .
> .
> .
> .
> .
> .
> .
> .
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> Copyright © 2003-2004, Lindsay Ashford
>
> Our Ethos
>
> There is ample medical and scientific evidence which indicates that
> children are sexual beings from a very early age. Throughout history,
> there have always been adults who have been attracted to children.
> Both coercive and consensual relationships between adults and children
> are well-documented.
>
> While many maintain that moves to accept adult-child relationships are
> a new development, some sort of 'final frontier' for sexuality, this
> is simply not the case. On the contrary, what is new are restrictive
> laws governing ages of consent and sexual activity with minors.
> Industrialized nations did not begin a concerted effort to raise ages
> of consent until the turn of the 20th century. In some cases, such
> laws were adopted to combat child prostitution, whilst in other cases,
> these agendas were pushed by a vocal minority of religious
> conservatives. Unfortunately, this type of legislation does not
> achieve what its proponents claim it achieves. Those who would molest
> children or exploit them do so regardless of what laws are on the
> books. Punishing this needs to be handled by legislation which
> regulates molestation, rape and exploitation of children. Consent
> legislation, on the other hand, achieves nothing but discriminating
> against those consenting young people and adults who have grown to
> love each other and wish to express that love in an intimate manner.
>
> Rather than prohibiting activity and forcing many to suppress their
> sexuality, society needs to work harder to educate both children and
> adults about sexuality and learning to express it in a positive and
> consensual manner which does not cause harm to come to any of the
> participants. Prohibitions only result in people developing negative
> perceptions about their bodies and their sexuality, which can lead to
> immense psychic and emotional stress as well as negative attitudes
> towards sexuality.
>
> Of course, adult-child intimate relations need to be regulated by a
> standard of ethics which is transparent and understood by all parties
> involved-not only the adult and the young person who love each other,
> but the parents of the young person as well. Parents have a legitimate
> reason to be concerned about the welfare of their children. Therefore,
> we have proposed a four-point compact between these parties in order
> to ensure a safe and open framework in which such relationships can
> develop and flourish. These four points are a synthesis of two sets of
> proposals made in 1998, the first by Gerald Roelofs and the second by
> Dr. Frans Gieles in conjunction with the JORis workgroup of the JORis
> workgroup of the Dutch Association for Sexual Reform (NVSH).
>
> Consent of both child and adult
> Right now, most countries have an age of consent, which is the
> legally-mandated age at which a young person can consent to sexual
> activity without risking prosecution for himself and/or his partner.
> However, the age of consent ignores the fact that the sexual and
> emotional development of children is not bound to a certain age.
> Rather than protecting children, it sets intolerable limits to their
> freedom. Young people are often believed to be unable to give consent,
> even when the meaning, purpose and responsibilities of intimate
> physical activity have been, either explicitly or implicitly,
> explained to them.
>
> In an environment where children are properly educated about their
> sexuality, rather than kept in an enforced darkness, they will be
> better equipped to decide for themselves whether and with whom to
> share the joys of intimacy. Rather than simply telling them that the
> feelings they experience are 'bad' or 'wrong', or that they are 'too
> young' to be experiencing them, they ought to be taught about the
> responsibilities and risks of expressing these feelings with another
> person. Empowering them to make choices for themselves gives them a
> positive feeling about their sexuality which they will carry with them
> into adulthood.
> Freedom for the child to withdraw at any time
> The child should have the freedom to withdraw from the relationship at
> any moment. Dependence relationships (by law or social) in which
> sexuality plays a role may hinder children in this freedom. However,
> this is dependent on each individual situation. By freedom to
> withdraw, we mean that the child should have the right to dictate the
> extent and tempo of the relationship on every level, and to choose
> which facets of the relationship he wishes to continue in and which
> facets he wishes to discontinue or refrain from altogether.
>
> We believe that a child's right to withdrawal includes a right to be
> treated with continuing respect by his partner or previous partner,
> and a right not to be subjected to any sort of demeaning or vindictive
> behavior. Part of affirming a child's ability to choose is honoring
> his freedom of choice, regardless of how unpleasant these decisions
> may be for the partner.
> Harmony with the child's level of development
> Any contact should be in harmony with the child's level of
> psycho-sexual and physical development. This means that the contacts
> should be appropriate not only to his wishes, but to his level of
> experience, and should not in any way cause harm to come to the
> child's body. This requires that the older partner exercise a high
> level of responsibility to educate the child about what his body can
> sustain and to what he can do if he wishes to do so.
> In a loving consensual relationship, any physical activity will likely
> be gradual, with the older partner not attempting to do anything with
> a child until the child is comfortable with lower level of intimacy
> and can engage in them without any adverse physical or emotional
> effects.
> Openness towards the child's parents
> Openness towards the parents of the child is of utmost importance. The
> child should not be required to keep secrets from his parents. The
> child's experience of events is dependent on the entire situation,
> including the quality of the relationship and the support of adults
> around it-including his parents. In most societies, pedophilia is an
> emotionally charged concept. Because of the many prejudices,
> pedophiles will be afraid to be open about a relationship towards the
> child's parents. Nonetheless, this openness is a crucial condition.
>
> Children should be protected from everyone who uses force, coercion or
> manipulation to cause a child to engage in sexual activity he does not
> want, or would not normally consent to. A child's parents should thus
> be able to determine to what extent the three other suggested
> guidelines are being respected. The pedophile's feelings are private,
> but his or her actions are not. The parents of the child have the
> right to ensure that the pedophile is not doing anything with their
> child that could cause bodily or emotional harm and to intervene if
> they have reason to believe that the child is being coerced or
> manipulated into physical activities he is not ready for or desirous
> of.
>
> As well as a compact between ourelves and society, parents and the
> children we love, we also propose a code of ethics between ourselves
> and the young people specifically. This creed or covenant represents a
> list of pledges we aim to keep in any romantic relationship we enter
> into.
>
> A ChildLover's Creed
>
> I will always treat you with dignity and respect.
> This is a commitment to treating a young person in such a way that
> they are not humiliated or embarrassed either in public or in private.
> A childlover explains without being condescending but also without
> talking above the young person's head. He treats the young person as
> an individual rather than as an object or a possession and strives to
> ensure that that individuality is not suppressed or occluded by the
> force of his personality.
> I will always put your well-being ahead of my own.
> This is a recognition that a young person may not always be able to
> ensure his safety as effectively as an adult. A childlover endeavors
> to protect the young person in any way he can, including risking his
> own life or well-being to ensure the safety of the young person. In an
> emotional sense, this is a commitment to not leaving a young person to
> face the social consequences of a relationship on his own.
> I will always give to you first before accepting anything from you.
> This is a commitment to ensure that the balance in the relationship
> always remains in favor of the young person. A childlover strives to
> make sure that in all things - love, affection, pleasure and material
> items - that the young person always receives more than he gives. He
> aims to give without expecting anything in return and actively looks
> for ways to bring happiness to the young person.
> I will always stop when you tell me to stop.
> This is a very important promise. It recognizes that a young person
> should always feel in control of any situation and that he may change
> his mind about anything that he has previously agreed to do. A
> childlover is always sensitive to the tempo that the young person sets
> for any activity. He will not try to pursue any physical or emotional
> activity that the young person states that he wants to suspend or is
> not comfortable with.
> I will always avoid the use of force, coercion or manipulation to get
> my way with you.
> This ensures that anything that occurs in a relationship is fully
> voluntary from both sides. A childlover will not continue to pester a
> young person to do things he has already stated he does not want to
> do, and will not use unfair forms of persuasion or take advantage of
> his age, size, strength or experience in such ways that induce a young
> person to do something he does not want to do.
> I will always do my utmost to ensure that no physical or emotional
> harm comes to you.
> Similar in some aspects to the second commitment, this one is more
> preventive in nature. This means avoiding dangerous situations or
> activities that can lead to physical harm, including refraining from
> any intimate activities that could cause bodily injury to the young
> person. This also means conducting a relationship in such a way that
> the young person does not become a subject of derision or ridicule in
> his community.
> I will always strive to encourage and contribute to your emotional,
> intellectual and spiritual development.
> A young person is still developing and growing in many ways. A
> childlover recognizes this and is eager to help this development.
> Helping a young person discover the world through academic and
> intellectual pursuits, guiding a young person through new feelings and
> emotions that he may experience and striving to help him realize his
> true potential and completeness as a human being are of paramount
> importance.
> I will always answer your questions with honesty and sensitivity.
> Young people have many questions and deserve to be given answers that
> respect their curiosity and their right to know the truth both about
> the world around them and about the relationship that they are
> involved in. A childlover is committed to not misleading answers and
> endeavors to be honest even when the questions are uncomfortable. At
> the same time, he strives to answer with tact and sensitivity to the
> young person's feelings.
> I will always respect your opinions, thoughts and wishes.
> This is an affirmation of the individuality of the young person and
> his freedom of thought. A childlover does not try to enforce his
> worldview on the young person and allows him to disagree and to have
> his own opinions without fear of retribution. He is gracious in
> disagreement and gentle in argument, preferring persuasion and
> fairness to deceit and belligerence.
> I will always ask rather than assume.
> This is a recognition of the fact that a young person may be reluctant
> to actively oppose something he may feel uncomfortable with. A
> childlover, rather than assuming that silence equals agreement, seeks
> to engage the young person in any decision-making process and looks
> for signs of active, rather than passive, agreement. He is also
> sensitive to non-verbal cues that belie his spoken words.
>
>
>

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