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as to this Re: My personal experience: An ED breakthrough (long)
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| Michael 2006-06-28, 4:22 pm |
| Yes, it's wonderful when it's working right. I hardly drink, so my ED must
have nothing to do with that. (oh, if it were only that simple..to just stop
drinking)
Also, I think that not enough distinction is made here about inablility to
get erect based on low libido versus other. For example, I have never had a
loss of libido. In fact, I wish my libido wasn't so high. I think about sex
every time I see an attractive woman and it uncontrollably grabs my
attention, but without drugs, I will not get an erection.
I have never had intercourse to completion, doggy style or standing up. I
have only been able to do it in the missionary position one or two times.
For me to completely relax, I have to have most of my weiight supported on a
bed (woman on top or in the spoon position. I share your joy in being able
to do all that you have been able to do.
<viagrabluehaze@yahoo.com> wrote in message
news:1151516885.366186.171150@p79g2000cwp.googlegroups.com...
> Hey AA,
>
> That is a very good question. Yes, in fact, I have supplimented my
> recent laisons with 50mg of this cheap V knock-off a buddy of mine
> turned me on to...it goes for about $1.30US per 100mg pill, and is
> easily broken in two by hand (they provided a convenient score in the
> pill for splitting). I'll get the details on his supplier if anyone
> needs it. In any case, I litterally have a sack of the stuff on
> reserve, though I honestly believe I can stop using it entirely in the
> near future. I suspect that I've been using it sort of like a
> security-lanket now; the disappointment of ED makes want to avoid it
> again at all costs. I am "recovering" though! I will reaffirm though
> (emphasis on "firm") that I am amazed at the alcohol cessasion has
> DRASTICALLY improved both my erections AND sexual desire. I had no idea
> my libido was so low...I'd literally forgotten what it was like to be
> horney like that.
>
> Listen, all I can say that I am extraordinarily happy with my personal
> progress, and one of the only reasons that I am so loquatious about it
> is because I WISHED I'd known this all sooner about how easy it was to
> solve my particular, though what I believe to be a common and
> distressful problem; I hope this advice can help at least one other
> sufferer. I expect to stop using V soon. I only take these 50mg pops
> when I'm with my girl (yeah, only one...by the way, I notice a few guys
> on here who complain about ED while claiming they have multiple
> partners...RIGHT! And, by the way, this is the same hottie I mentioned
> in my previous posts from 2004 onward). And this is like once a week if
> I'm lucky. She lives far away, and gas prices are up! Suffice it to
> say, I used to have trouble getting it up when she was bottomless,
> horny, presenting her XXX to me on my bed on all fours, and saying
> "XXXX me!" when I hadn't had it in a while. Well, now I get
> "embarassing" boners all the time, V independent. For instance, I took
> her out for ice-cream last night. She looked HOT, and we weren't
> messing around or anything. I hadn't used the V...YET...and we were
> just sitting there holding hands and talking before I was to run into
> the ice-cream shop to get the cones. Well, just that simple interaction
> got me horney, and I got uncontrollably rock-hard. I had to laugh, as
> did she, since I wasn't able to walk into the ice-cream shop until I
> calmed down! I mean, there were CHILDREN there for chrissake! I'd never
> ben so happy to be embarassed by a bulge. Funny thing about sexuality
> too; since I got naturally and uncontollably aroused by being with her,
> SHE became aroused, and it all feeds on itself. Isn't it great when it
> works right?!? Hell, I'm getting hard RIGHT NOW thinking about what
> happened AFTER the ice-cream. In any case, I appologize to anyone who
> reads my positive posts and feels I'm gloating; on the contrary, I
> totally empathize, and know now there is hope for fellas in my
> particular perdiciment. Guys, if you recognize yourself in me, STOP
> DRINKING!!! ... and get a little exercise. Your girl and your dick will
> thank you for it. And everyone: I wish you luck in your pursuit of
> libido and boners...it's the cream of life.
>
> anonanon1608@yahoo.com wrote:
>
| |
| viagrabluehaze@yahoo.com 2006-06-28, 4:22 pm |
| Hi Michael,
Thanks for your reply. You bring up a good point: I had been suffering
from ED AND loss of libido. Personally, I think the loss of libido is
worse. I hadn't much difficult masturbating, but I certaily had reduced
its frequency. Also, there were times when I'd have trouble doing even
that, which was extremely frustrating. I found though that when my
libido caught up with my carfully constructed boner, it was smooth
sailig to orgasm. My girl has always ad thankfully been very patien
with the problem, and I think a huge factor in the problem was not only
the alcohol, but anxiety as well. Is it possible that you could be
suffering hightened anxiety? If drugs do assist in your erections, the
plumbing works right? The mind is willing, but the body's not
cooperating...I know that feeling all too well. I find that on the rare
occasions that I allow myself to tune out from the daily crap, and tune
into my sexual being with my girl, the joy of sex is incredible, but
the vicious circling of thought can easily foul-up a wonderful
experience.
By the way, you use the term "completely relax", do you mean phyically
or mentally?
Michael wrote:[vbcol=seagreen]
> Yes, it's wonderful when it's working right. I hardly drink, so my ED must
> have nothing to do with that. (oh, if it were only that simple..to just stop
> drinking)
>
> Also, I think that not enough distinction is made here about inablility to
> get erect based on low libido versus other. For example, I have never had a
> loss of libido. In fact, I wish my libido wasn't so high. I think about sex
> every time I see an attractive woman and it uncontrollably grabs my
> attention, but without drugs, I will not get an erection.
>
> I have never had intercourse to completion, doggy style or standing up. I
> have only been able to do it in the missionary position one or two times.
> For me to completely relax, I have to have most of my weiight supported on a
> bed (woman on top or in the spoon position. I share your joy in being able
> to do all that you have been able to do.
>
>
>
> <viagrabluehaze@yahoo.com> wrote in message
> news:1151516885.366186.171150@p79g2000cwp.googlegroups.com...
| |
| Michael 2006-06-28, 9:21 pm |
| As you said, loss of libido is worse because if you have no sex drive, even
ED meds don't work. Even though I have a good libido, I now have both
psychological and physical ED, ..the physical ED is because of aging. The
meds fix the physical component,(so, yes the plumbing works fine) but I
still battle with the psychological, which is mainly performance anxiety.
Afterall, wouldn't you be a bit anxious, if you had consistent failures for
25 years? If the ED drugs existed when I was young, the performance anxiety
would never been able to take such a stubborn hold.
Now, here's the new thing that I've finally realized. Unlike most men, (I
think) I don't get erections upon first encounters. It takes repeated
encounters to allow me to relax enough and *trust* the woman to know how to
please me. Strangely, after an sexual encounter, if I *think* about what
happened, I can get a raging erection. And if I anticipate the next
encounter, I can also get hard.
How about this one? If she is cuddling with me and I think about sex with
her, I can get an erection. See? It's all mental. However, once she actually
starts doing something with my cock, then that's where a problem is a very
likely and I will lose it. I start thinking if I'm responding enough...will
I be able to come....will she get tired out?
If I stay hard enough to get inside her pussy, oh, my god! It feels so
strange, so different than my own hand! So, once I start thinking of that
and then, wondering how long I'm going to last..... I lose it! So, I am
talking about mental relaxation here.
Who can help me stop THINKING! ?? I am a very analytical type of
personality, who tends to repress expressing emotion and likes to control
all situations that I am in.
<viagrabluehaze@yahoo.com> wrote in message
news:1151518829.112535.13530@p79g2000cwp.googlegroups.com...
> Thanks for your reply. You bring up a good point: I had been suffering
> from ED AND loss of libido. Personally, I think the loss of libido is
> worse. I hadn't much difficult masturbating, but I certaily had reduced
> its frequency. Also, there were times when I'd have trouble doing even
> that, which was extremely frustrating. I found though that when my
> libido caught up with my carfully constructed boner, it was smooth
> sailig to orgasm. My girl has always ad thankfully been very patien
> with the problem, and I think a huge factor in the problem was not only
> the alcohol, but anxiety as well. Is it possible that you could be
> suffering hightened anxiety? If drugs do assist in your erections, the
> plumbing works right? The mind is willing, but the body's not
> cooperating...I know that feeling all too well. I find that on the rare
> occasions that I allow myself to tune out from the daily crap, and tune
> into my sexual being with my girl, the joy of sex is incredible, but
> the vicious circling of thought can easily foul-up a wonderful
> experience.
>
> By the way, you use the term "completely relax", do you mean phyically
> or mentally?
>
>
| |
| Doug Goncz 2006-07-10, 8:22 am |
| Hey, Michael.
I can relate. Especially on the thinking stuff. I have an IQ of 135 or
so and am, like you, analytical, tending to repress emotion. But there
is hope. Even I can learn new behaviors, like finding words to say what
I am feeling.
Yes, you can stop thinking. Thinking and suffering are both optional.
Two things come to mind: meditation and psycho-education. More on these
tomorrow, perhaps.
With your clear description and understanding of what is happening in
your head space, I would suggest that you are ready for sex therapy:
either talk therapy with a psychotherapist, couples therapy with the
lady, or retraining with a surrogate. You'll have to consider the cost
of therapy; it can be difficult to pay for with or without insurance.
My opinion is that couples sex therapy, which consists of frank,
honest, and educational convesations between a professional and the two
of you, followed by practice at home for you and the lady, following
the therapist's instructions, would provide the most relief for the
least money. It is extremely rare for insurance to pay for surrogate
therapy and individual therapy can drag on.
I don't think you need Viagra. You and your lady can beat this
together. It's hard work and a challenge, but you will find each other
in the process, and the results will last the rest of your life.
Dr. Wendy Malz has a wonderful web site: healthysex.com, by the way,
and will occasionally answer an email. I have written to her about my
issues, which differ from yours. Healthy sex is your God-given right!
Doug Goncz
Replikon Research
Seven Corners, VA 22044-0394
Michael wrote:
(snip)
> How about this one? If she is cuddling with me and I think about sex with
> her, I can get an erection. See? It's all mental. However, once she actually
> starts doing something with my cock, then that's where a problem is a very
> likely and I will lose it. I start thinking if I'm responding enough...will
> I be able to come....will she get tired out?
>
> If I stay hard enough to get inside her pussy, oh, my god! It feels so
> strange, so different than my own hand! So, once I start thinking of that
> and then, wondering how long I'm going to last..... I lose it! So, I am
> talking about mental relaxation here.
>
> Who can help me stop THINKING! ?? I am a very analytical type of
> personality, who tends to repress expressing emotion and likes to control
> all situations that I am in.
>
| |
| Michael 2006-07-11, 4:22 pm |
| Thanks, Doug, for your thoughts.
I have seen 3 different therapists, one claiming to be a sex therapist. I've
gone with my wife and we went through exercises, together. There was some
improvement, but I still have significant problems with my head. I have
heard people mention surrogates, but is that realistic? I mean, I have heard
that they only exist in LA and New York.
I might be interested in meditation, if I knew how to go about it.
I'm 52, so I do need the Viagra. I know this because I have noticed a some
physical inability to get and maintain erections. I remember thinking to
myself, "Oh, great, now I have a mental and physical problem." Also, ED
drugs give me more confidence to know that I don't have to worry about a
physical problem, too, while having sex.
I looked at the Dr. Maltz site....couldn't find anything to help much.
Healthy sex is my God-given, right? I think that God forgot something when
he made me. lol
Michael
"Doug Goncz" <DGoncz@aol.com> wrote in message
news:1152535407.988210.195540@75g2000cwc.googlegroups.com...
> Hey, Michael.
>
> I can relate. Especially on the thinking stuff. I have an IQ of 135 or
> so and am, like you, analytical, tending to repress emotion. But there
> is hope. Even I can learn new behaviors, like finding words to say what
> I am feeling.
>
> Yes, you can stop thinking. Thinking and suffering are both optional.
>
> Two things come to mind: meditation and psycho-education. More on these
> tomorrow, perhaps.
>
> With your clear description and understanding of what is happening in
> your head space, I would suggest that you are ready for sex therapy:
> either talk therapy with a psychotherapist, couples therapy with the
> lady, or retraining with a surrogate. You'll have to consider the cost
> of therapy; it can be difficult to pay for with or without insurance.
>
> My opinion is that couples sex therapy, which consists of frank,
> honest, and educational convesations between a professional and the two
> of you, followed by practice at home for you and the lady, following
> the therapist's instructions, would provide the most relief for the
> least money. It is extremely rare for insurance to pay for surrogate
> therapy and individual therapy can drag on.
>
> I don't think you need Viagra. You and your lady can beat this
> together. It's hard work and a challenge, but you will find each other
> in the process, and the results will last the rest of your life.
>
> Dr. Wendy Malz has a wonderful web site: healthysex.com, by the way,
> and will occasionally answer an email. I have written to her about my
> issues, which differ from yours. Healthy sex is your God-given right!
>
> Doug Goncz
> Replikon Research
> Seven Corners, VA 22044-0394
>
| |
| Doug Goncz 2006-07-11, 9:22 pm |
|
Michael wrote:
> Thanks, Doug, for your thoughts.
> I have seen 3 different therapists, one claiming to be a sex therapist.
Was that therapist AASECT certified or trained? It's important to find
at minimum a certified therapist, preferably one with some recent
training.
> I've
> gone with my wife and we went through exercises, together. There was some
> improvement, but I still have significant problems with my head. (snip)
> I might be interested in meditation, if I knew how to go about it.
Oh, meditation can help a lot. I don't do enough of it. Once in a
while.
You coudl try zen@mlode.org, an email Zen meditation class by Cheri
Huber. Or was it zen@mlode.com? Google "How to meditate"....
> I'm 52, so I do need the Viagra. I know this because I have noticed a some
> physical inability to get and maintain erections. I remember thinking to
> myself, "Oh, great, now I have a mental and physical problem." Also, ED
> drugs give me more confidence to know that I don't have to worry about a
> physical problem, too, while having sex.
Ha! Me, too! A lot of my variation from normal sexual function and
satistfaction is *confidence*. You might try Cialis to take the time
pressure off and continue to work the mental issues. Quiet and focus
are key.
> I looked at the Dr. Maltz site....couldn't find anything to help much.
> Healthy sex is my God-given, right? I think that God forgot something when
> he made me. lol
Right. God forgot something when he made me, too; a working memory!
Doug
| |
| Michael 2006-07-12, 2:21 am |
| "Doug Goncz" <DGoncz@aol.com> wrote in message
news:1152665931.116223.73350@h48g2000cwc.googlegroups.com...
> Was that therapist AASECT certified or trained? It's important to find
> at minimum a certified therapist, preferably one with some recent
> training.
I don't know. I was refered to him by my urologist. He had me go throught
the standard Masters and Johnson exercises.
> You might try Cialis to take the time
> pressure off and continue to work the mental issues. Quiet and focus
> are key.
Actually, that is what I'm more into, now. I like the extended time.
Michael
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