Impotence Support - psychological ED

Author

psychological ED

Michael

2006-06-22, 9:21 pm

I've always had psychological ED...almost 40 years, now.

The only way that I can have an orgasm during any kind of sex is to mentally
escape into a fantasy (usually something that I've previously masturbated
to) If I start thinking about what's really happening and come back to the
real world, I lose my erection or have great difficulty cumming. I can't
figure out why this is true.

Do most men have orgasms while actually thinking about the actual sex that
is happening to them or am I a real weirdo?

lmac

2006-06-23, 2:24 am

Michael wrote:
> I've always had psychological ED...almost 40 years, now.
>
> The only way that I can have an orgasm during any kind of sex is to mentally
> escape into a fantasy (usually something that I've previously masturbated
> to) If I start thinking about what's really happening and come back to the
> real world, I lose my erection or have great difficulty cumming. I can't
> figure out why this is true.
>
> Do most men have orgasms while actually thinking about the actual sex that
> is happening to them or am I a real weirdo?
>
>
>
I'd offer that you're probably not a 'weirdo.' Unless your central or
terminal fantasy includes rape, murder, child abuse or other harm to a
human being (or beast ??)

If you're taking a poll, I think you'll get better results if you split
out fantasy during masturbation from fantasy during sexual encounter.

I'd guess that the best erectile results are going to couple to
fantasies that include textures, sights, smells, sounds and warmth of
your typical sexual encounter.

....Lmac

PE Guy

2006-06-23, 4:22 pm

> I'd guess that the best erectile results are going to couple to
> fantasies that include textures, sights, smells, sounds and warmth of your
> typical sexual encounter.

My best erectile responses always come when I'm alone, when there is no
performance anxiety or fear of failure.

2006-06-23, 4:22 pm

"PE Guy" <peguy@yahoo.com> wrote in message
news:449c0469$1@news.acsalaska.net...
>
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~[vbcol=seagreen]
> My best erectile responses always come when I'm alone, when there is no
> performance anxiety or fear of failure.

And at that point you are having sex with the one person in the entire world
who knows exactly what you want now and next!

HH

Michael

2006-06-24, 4:22 pm

Thanks for the comments.

I thought I'd try an experiment by visiting a hooker, last night. As I said
in my original post, that I must escape into fantasy to reach orgasm with
the real women in my life.

Here's what happened: When she began to give me a blowjob,(which I actually
do fantasize about) I tried not to concentrate on what was really
happening...looking at her face and my penis going in and out of her mouth.
Even though I couldn't achieve full erection, I was aroused enough to
eventually come in her mouth. She asked me if I wanted to XXXX her
afterward, and I thought to myself, "Are you kidding? Didn't you see how
limp I was during the blowjob?" Sweet compliment, anyway. lol

The point being is that it is one of the few times in my life that I have
been able to achieve orgasm with a woman by actually staying, mentally with
the real experience.

I wonder what this all means? I"m going to have to think about this and
process it.

lmac

2006-06-24, 9:21 pm

HH wrote:
> "PE Guy" <peguy@yahoo.com> wrote in message
> news:449c0469$1@news.acsalaska.net...
> ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
>
> And at that point you are having sex with the one person in the entire world
> who knows exactly what you want now and next!
>
> HH
>
>
Sure, I hear that. Now, is this going to help with an E.D. problem that
occurs during sexual contact with another person? Or, does it just
aggravate the problem through avoidance?

I really do value masturbation to relieve sexual stress, prepare for
sex, exercise the plumbing or to play with a new sex toy or a new lube.
I just don't regard it as a substitute for sex. Creativity and variety
in masturbation, yes. Fantasy--not very much.

--
....Lmac

PE Guy

2006-06-25, 8:21 am

> And at that point you are having sex with the one person in the entire
> world
> who knows exactly what you want now and next!

If only it was that simple. In my younger days when I first became sexually
active (around 16) I would get so excited when I was about to have sex that
I would nearly cum in my pants.

Back then the "real thing" was always better than masturbation, now because
of all my performance issues I'm way to tense to ever really enjoy sex.

PE Guy

2006-06-25, 8:21 am

> I wonder what this all means? I"m going to have to think about this and
> process it.

I'm not gonna even attempt to play armchair shrink but if you live in a
large city my advice would to try and find a professional sex therapist
and/or a sex surrogate.

Check out the American Association of Sexuality Educators, Counselors and
Therapists at www.aasect.org

I wish I had the option of having a professional sex therapist open to me
but I live a metro area of only about 85k thus such services are not
available.

Michael

2006-06-25, 4:22 pm

Interesting. I missed the best years of my sexual peak, when I was in my
teens, not becoming active until 25. Therefore, I don't know if my ED
problem would have been present, then. If I knew what I did now, I would
have started much, younger. Still, there are plenty of idiots who preach
abstinence, not giving a flying XXXX about the damage they cause by causing
gullible people like me to listen to them and miss what could have been very
memorable sexual experiences.

"PE Guy" <peguy@yahoo.com> wrote in message
news:449e7c81@news.acsalaska.net...
>
>
> If only it was that simple. In my younger days when I first became
> sexually active (around 16) I would get so excited when I was about to
> have sex that I would nearly cum in my pants.

Michael

2006-06-25, 4:22 pm

Thanks. Maybe, I'll check it out. I'm thinking the money will be
astronomical, if not downright unaffordable.

I live in the Philadelphia area.

"PE Guy" <peguy@yahoo.com> wrote in message
news:449e8329$1@news.acsalaska.net...
>
>
>
> I'm not gonna even attempt to play armchair shrink but if you live in a
> large city my advice would to try and find a professional sex therapist
> and/or a sex surrogate.
>
> Check out the American Association of Sexuality Educators, Counselors and
> Therapists at www.aasect.org
>
> I wish I had the option of having a professional sex therapist open to me
> but I live a metro area of only about 85k thus such services are not
> available.
>

PE Guy

2006-06-26, 8:21 am

> Thanks. Maybe, I'll check it out. I'm thinking the money will be
> astronomical, if not downright unaffordable.
>
> I live in the Philadelphia area.

I wish I even had the option of having these services available to pay for.
If you go and don't like it you'll only be out a few hundred for a couple of
visits. If you decide to keep going what's the worse case scenario, maybe 5k
for 2-3 months worth of therapy.

I know I would gladly pay 5k to be rid of my problem. Plus if you have
medical insurance you might be able to get part of your therapy covered.

Michael

2006-06-26, 4:21 pm

Worst case scenarir is ONLY 5k out? Whew! Maybe I'm in a different economic
bracket than you. That kind of money is not easy to spare for me. Like you,
I would go into debt if the 5k would fix my problem, but the thing that
stops me is that there is no guarantee that it will work. I've already
sought therapy for short periods of times with these so-call sex therapists,
and I'm out hundreds of dollars with nothing to show for it. How would you
like to be out 5 grand and still have your problem?

"PE Guy" <peguy@yahoo.com> wrote in message
news:449fcc3b@news.acsalaska.net...
>
> I wish I even had the option of having these services available to pay
> for. If you go and don't like it you'll only be out a few hundred for a
> couple of visits. If you decide to keep going what's the worse case
> scenario, maybe 5k for 2-3 months worth of therapy.
>
> I know I would gladly pay 5k to be rid of my problem. Plus if you have
> medical insurance you might be able to get part of your therapy covered.
>

PE Guy

2006-06-28, 8:22 am

Yeah I make an ok living, but I still don't consider 5k a small amount. Its
just that I'm at the point where my "problem" has consumed my life and
sapped almost all enjoyment out of it.

I really wish you the best, keep us posted on whatever you decide to do. I
don't know about you but being able to post here and be (somewhat) open
about my PE has been very therapeutic.

"Michael" <nirvana@comcast.net> wrote in message
news:tt2dneRmRrjDgD3ZnZ2dnUVZ_rWdnZ2d@comcast.com...
> Worst case scenarir is ONLY 5k out? Whew! Maybe I'm in a different
> economic bracket than you. That kind of money is not easy to spare for me.
> Like you, I would go into debt if the 5k would fix my problem, but the
> thing that stops me is that there is no guarantee that it will work. I've
> already sought therapy for short periods of times with these so-call sex
> therapists, and I'm out hundreds of dollars with nothing to show for it.
> How would you like to be out 5 grand and still have your problem?
>
>
> "PE Guy" <peguy@yahoo.com> wrote in message
> news:449fcc3b@news.acsalaska.net...
>
>

Losher Ooka

2006-06-30, 4:22 pm

On 2006-06-22, Michael <nirvana@comcast.net> wrote:
> I've always had psychological ED...almost 40 years, now.
>
> The only way that I can have an orgasm during any kind of sex is to mentally
> escape into a fantasy (usually something that I've previously masturbated
> to) If I start thinking about what's really happening and come back to the
> real world, I lose my erection or have great difficulty cumming. I can't
> figure out why this is true.
>
> Do most men have orgasms while actually thinking about the actual sex that
> is happening to them or am I a real weirdo?

Ya know, I can't now remember if Kinsey ever wrote about what men
think about during actual sex, but there's a good chance that he
did. You might go to the library and check out "Sexual behavior in the
human male" by Alfred C. Kinsey, et. al.

For what it's worth. I think men think about all kinds of things
during sex e.g. the premature ejaculators think about racing scores
(or anything else that might help to delay ejaculation), the closet
cases think about showering with the football team so they can keep it
up, those with performance anxiety obsess over how they're performing,
still others are worrying about the mortgage, the kids, the condom,
that weird rash, their bosses, other women, other men, sheep - all
manner of things. And some (the lucky ones, I'd say), aren't thinking
about much at all, they're just lost in the moment enjoying themselves
and their partners.

Who cares if you need to fantasize about something/anything to keep
your erection or to ejaculate? As long as it works for you and your
partner so you're both satisfied, where's the harm? In fact, if you
could fine tune this process so you don't ejaculate until you (and
your partner) are good and ready, then this ability might just make
you be considered an excellent lover.

I believe that while a man's deeds may be public, a man's thoughts are
still his own (thank god). What you think about during sex is your
business and nobody else's. And if anyone asks but then doesn't like
the answer, then they should've minded their own damn business in the
first place.

So I wonder if you might not enjoy sex more if you worried less about
what you're thinking, and simply concentrated more on doing whatever
you need to do to satisfy yourself and your partner.

I hope this helps,

Losher

Michael

2006-06-30, 4:22 pm

Thanks..a very good response. I did find that I could go to orgasm if I can
get lost in a thought that pulls the trigger. Since it had nothing to do
with what I was actually doing, I started thinking that maybe I was missing
something. But maybe you're right. Just do what works, otherwise I go back
to being anxious and can't have sex at all!

The critical moment for me is penetration of the vagina. If I can mentally
overcome the pressure of maintaining an erection in that situation, then I'm
usually home free. However, sometimes I notice that the friction level is
different, due to lubrication, etc,..and that even causes me to go limp.
*sigh*

On a side note, I think I first learned the details about sex from that
Kinsey book when I was 13! I'm pretty sure that he didn't poll men as to
what they were thinking about. But even if he did, I don't think that I'd be
that interested in what men thought about in the late 1940s.

"Losher Ooka" <losherooka@y-a-h-o-o-dot.com> wrote in message
news:GZdpg.315479$Vt5.258251@fe09.news.easynews.com...
> On 2006-06-22, Michael <nirvana@comcast.net> wrote:
>
> Ya know, I can't now remember if Kinsey ever wrote about what men
> think about during actual sex, but there's a good chance that he
> did. You might go to the library and check out "Sexual behavior in the
> human male" by Alfred C. Kinsey, et. al.
>
> For what it's worth. I think men think about all kinds of things
> during sex e.g. the premature ejaculators think about racing scores
> (or anything else that might help to delay ejaculation), the closet
> cases think about showering with the football team so they can keep it
> up, those with performance anxiety obsess over how they're performing,
> still others are worrying about the mortgage, the kids, the condom,
> that weird rash, their bosses, other women, other men, sheep - all
> manner of things. And some (the lucky ones, I'd say), aren't thinking
> about much at all, they're just lost in the moment enjoying themselves
> and their partners.
>
> Who cares if you need to fantasize about something/anything to keep
> your erection or to ejaculate? As long as it works for you and your
> partner so you're both satisfied, where's the harm? In fact, if you
> could fine tune this process so you don't ejaculate until you (and
> your partner) are good and ready, then this ability might just make
> you be considered an excellent lover.
>
> I believe that while a man's deeds may be public, a man's thoughts are
> still his own (thank god). What you think about during sex is your
> business and nobody else's. And if anyone asks but then doesn't like
> the answer, then they should've minded their own damn business in the
> first place.
>
> So I wonder if you might not enjoy sex more if you worried less about
> what you're thinking, and simply concentrated more on doing whatever
> you need to do to satisfy yourself and your partner.
>
> I hope this helps,
>
> Losher
>
>
>
>
>

Losher Ooka

2006-06-30, 4:22 pm

On 2006-06-24, Michael <nirvana@comcast.net> wrote:
>
> Thanks for the comments.
>
> I thought I'd try an experiment by visiting a hooker, last night. As I said
> in my original post, that I must escape into fantasy to reach orgasm with
> the real women in my life.
>
> Here's what happened: When she began to give me a blowjob,(which I actually
> do fantasize about) I tried not to concentrate on what was really
> happening...looking at her face and my penis going in and out of her mouth.
> Even though I couldn't achieve full erection, I was aroused enough to
> eventually come in her mouth. She asked me if I wanted to XXXX her
> afterward, and I thought to myself, "Are you kidding? Didn't you see how
> limp I was during the blowjob?" Sweet compliment, anyway. lol
>
> The point being is that it is one of the few times in my life that I have
> been able to achieve orgasm with a woman by actually staying, mentally with
> the real experience.
>
> I wonder what this all means? I"m going to have to think about this and
> process it.

I think it means that you have a great opportunity here to carry out
some do-it-yourself sex therapy by visiting some hookers and
experimenting with thinking about different things during sex, to see
which works best for you.

The great thing about paying for sex is that, as the client, you get
to call the shots (pardon the pun). You don't have to worry about her
pleasure, her judgement, her needs (beyond basic civility) or anything
like that, since it's mutually understood that she is basically there
to serve you.

Hopefully this will take the pressure off of you, and let you
concentrate on learning your own reactions, desires, wants, needs,
triggers etc. without having to worry about her.

This is a large part of what a sex-therapist would attempt to do for
you i.e. create a space in which you felt safe and unpressured so you
could explore your sexuality without having to worry about
performing.

In fact, good hookers are a vastly underrated resource, in my opinion.

Best of luck,

Losher

Michael

2006-06-30, 9:21 pm

"Losher Ooka" <losherooka@y-a-h-o-o-dot.com> wrote in message
news:L_fpg.342858$ii4.18142@fe08.news.easynews.com...
>
> I think it means that you have a great opportunity here to carry out
> some do-it-yourself sex therapy by visiting some hookers and
> experimenting with thinking about different things during sex, to see
> which works best for you.

Sounds good in theory, but financially, I certainly couldn't do it that
often. Those babes charge a lot! Fortunately, the wife actually doesn't mind
the hookers, so much as the cost . Ideally, I would visit one about once a
week and try different things. I wonder if it's better to level with her so
she knows what you are doing?
>
> The great thing about paying for sex is that, .....You don't have to worry
> about her
> pleasure, her judgement, her needs >
> Hopefully this will take the pressure off of you, and let you
> concentrate on learning your own reactions, desires, wants, needs,
> triggers etc. without having to worry about her.

That's what I thought....let's see, I can say, I go to hookers because I
need the therapy! It's for my mental health. Yeah, I like that.
>
> This is a large part of what a sex-therapist would attempt to do for
> you i.e. create a space in which you felt safe and unpressured so you
> could explore your sexuality without having to worry about
> performing.

Are you talking about sex surrogates? Those are pretty rare and mainly
unaffordable.
>
> In fact, good hookers are a vastly underrated resource, in my opinion.

I agree, but unfortunately, in the American society they are considered
"morally incorrect."

Michael