Impotence Support - Premature ejaculation

Author

Premature ejaculation

phoenix-419

2006-06-04, 8:06 am

This is the first time I have posted here. I am 32, and my husband is
31. We have been married for seven years and our sex life was great
until about 1 1/2 or 2 yrs. ago. My husband began ejaculating
prematurely.

Over that time period, we began having sex less and less frequently,
and now we go a month, sometimes up to 3 months without having sex at
all. I'm sure the infrequency of sex adds to the problem, and now were
lucky if my husband makes it in without ejaculating. But when he does
make it in, we only last a couple of minutes.

My husband doesn't want to go to the doctor. He has trouble talking
about it at all. Does anyone have any advice? Most web sites say SSRI's
or are trying to sell some device...
Has anything worked for anyone else?

LMac

2006-06-04, 8:06 am

phoenix-419 wrote:
> This is the first time I have posted here. I am 32, and my husband is
> 31. We have been married for seven years and our sex life was great
> until about 1 1/2 or 2 yrs. ago. My husband began ejaculating
> prematurely.
>
> Over that time period, we began having sex less and less frequently,
> and now we go a month, sometimes up to 3 months without having sex at
> all. I'm sure the infrequency of sex adds to the problem, and now were
> lucky if my husband makes it in without ejaculating. But when he does
> make it in, we only last a couple of minutes.
>
> My husband doesn't want to go to the doctor. He has trouble talking
> about it at all. Does anyone have any advice? Most web sites say SSRI's
> or are trying to sell some device...
> Has anything worked for anyone else?
>

Hello P-419. First off, I've been married for close to 45 years and
P.E. has been intermittent part of our relationship for about 30 of
those 45 years. Two things: been-there-done-that. Also, it need not
be a permanent condition. Communication ad co-operation will work to
overcome it.

Some strong words on pills: I'm adverse to any anti-depressant without
a thorough Urology workup. P.E. fosters depression but most
anti-depressants have an adverse effect on libido and may affect
erectile quality directly. An anti-depressant (SSRI etc.) may make the
symptoms bearable but generally won't improve one's sex life.

As a part of the P.E. club, I can say that many different factors
contribute to PE (the term "early ejaculation" or EE is now in the
vocabulary). My own experience has been that poor erectile quality and
reduced frequency of ejaculation combine to cause my PE -- other guys
here speak to other factors. For me a solid erection eight to ten hours
after a thorough ejaculation (near 'drained dry') is a good way to avoid
a P.E. situation. Being at the opposite extreme--no ejaculation for
several days and a poor erection -- caused by stress, lack of sleep,
lack of physical activity etc. is an invitation to P.E. (note this word
-- it gets into the whole ego, devastation and anxiety cycle.)

For age 31, a good inventory of factors include substance abuse (soft
drinks, coffee, nicotine in any form, smoking -- both legit and non
legit substances.)

Once a P.E. pattern is established, other factors like anxiety may enter
the picture -- those become "erection killers" and may contribute to PE
either directly or indirectly.

Communication and understanding are paramount. If erectile quality is
in question, getting to the doc is advised. Most of us with a P.E.
background have made it to a better life and our spouses help us stay on
top of the situation. (Most spouses like the reward in eliminating P.E.
from the relationship!) (:-).

Jerry does a weekly post on this site that covers the basics of getting
medical help. A sister website on yahoo groups has files that do a good
job in preparing a guy to make an appointment, explain things to the doc
and ask the right questions.

Best wishes ...Lmac

Wanderer

2006-06-04, 8:06 am

Wanderer

2006-06-04, 8:06 am

On Wed, 31 May 2006 11:25:45 -0400, phoenix-419 wrote
(in article <1149089145.079841.47270@g10g2000cwb.googlegroups.com> ):

> This is the first time I have posted here. I am 32, and my husband is
> 31. We have been married for seven years and our sex life was great
> until about 1 1/2 or 2 yrs. ago. My husband began ejaculating
> prematurely.

Here's a quick piece of research... this sounds like your husband should see
a doctor pronto -- and also that help may be on the way:

"As medical researchers have entered the field, they have also found some
origins of premature ejaculation in disease. For some men, a sudden onset of
premature ejaculation can be a symptom of an infection of the prostate, which
is easily treated with antibiotics. For a small group, premature ejaculation
may be an early symptom of epilepsy.

Dapoxetine, developed by Johnson & Johnson Pharmaceutical Services, acts in
much the same way as those antidepressants that increase the availability of
the chemical serotonin in the brain.

But unlike those medications, it is taken only one to three hours before a
man expects to have sexual intercourse, making it an "on demand" drug, and it
passes through the system extremely quickly.

Pryor called dapoxetine a "very safe" drug, which comes with a very low risk
of side effects such as headache and nausea and does not appear to suppress
sexual desire or carry risks such as suicidal ideation -- concerns that in
recent months have prompted the FDA to issue warnings associated with some
antidepressants."

Here's the URL:

http://www.azcentral.com/health/men...1mensex-ON.html

phoenix-419

2006-06-04, 8:06 am

Wanderer wrote:
> On Wed, 31 May 2006 11:25:45 -0400, phoenix-419 wrote
> (in article <1149089145.079841.47270@g10g2000cwb.googlegroups.com> ):
>
>
> Are you saying that your sex life was normal until 2 years ago? Suddenly he
> started having premature ejaculations? Do you attribute this to any changes
> in lifestyle? I have never heard of sudden onset premature ejaculation.
>
> Wanderer

Yes. Absolutely. In the beginning and for years after- sex was...
toe-curling. Lasted anywhere from 15mins. to 30mins. (not including
foreplay) and was always very satisfying.

When my husband was first prescribed pain killers, he would have a hard
time ejaculating if we had sex soon after he took it, but we learned a
few tricks and that didn't cause much of a problem. Then sex became a
little less frequent- his med. made him fall asleep early a lot, and
since we have two children- early isn't good.

Then it progressed to where we are today.

phoenix-419

2006-06-04, 8:06 am

LMac wrote:
> phoenix-419 wrote:
>
> Hello P-419. First off, I've been married for close to 45 years and
> P.E. has been intermittent part of our relationship for about 30 of
> those 45 years. Two things: been-there-done-that. Also, it need not
> be a permanent condition. Communication ad co-operation will work to
> overcome it.
>
> Some strong words on pills: I'm adverse to any anti-depressant without
> a thorough Urology workup. P.E. fosters depression but most
> anti-depressants have an adverse effect on libido and may affect
> erectile quality directly. An anti-depressant (SSRI etc.) may make the
> symptoms bearable but generally won't improve one's sex life.
>
> As a part of the P.E. club, I can say that many different factors
> contribute to PE (the term "early ejaculation" or EE is now in the
> vocabulary). My own experience has been that poor erectile quality and
> reduced frequency of ejaculation combine to cause my PE -- other guys
> here speak to other factors. For me a solid erection eight to ten hours
> after a thorough ejaculation (near 'drained dry') is a good way to avoid
> a P.E. situation. Being at the opposite extreme--no ejaculation for
> several days and a poor erection -- caused by stress, lack of sleep,
> lack of physical activity etc. is an invitation to P.E. (note this word
> -- it gets into the whole ego, devastation and anxiety cycle.)
>
> For age 31, a good inventory of factors include substance abuse (soft
> drinks, coffee, nicotine in any form, smoking -- both legit and non
> legit substances.)
>
> Once a P.E. pattern is established, other factors like anxiety may enter
> the picture -- those become "erection killers" and may contribute to PE
> either directly or indirectly.
>
> Communication and understanding are paramount. If erectile quality is
> in question, getting to the doc is advised. Most of us with a P.E.
> background have made it to a better life and our spouses help us stay on
> top of the situation. (Most spouses like the reward in eliminating P.E.
> from the relationship!) (:-).
>
> Jerry does a weekly post on this site that covers the basics of getting
> medical help. A sister website on yahoo groups has files that do a good
> job in preparing a guy to make an appointment, explain things to the doc
> and ask the right questions.
>
> Best wishes ...Lmac

Well, since my husband won't go see his dr. about it, anti-depressants
are out of the question. I am always supportive and kind. When he
apologizes or *gggrrr's* after sex- I tell him not to- that I know it
isn't something he can help. But what can I say to get him to the dr.'s
without hurting his feelings or making him feel like a *bad lover*?

He has low self-esteem as it is and I know P.E. isn't helping. I want
to be supportive- I love this man more than anything- but I need to let
him know that this can't go on forever. It's the intimacy I miss most
of all and he's been shying away from that lately- maybe in the *fear*
that I'll want to have sex.?.?

Jerry The Jerkoff

2006-06-04, 8:06 am

Ignatz's Bricks

2006-06-04, 8:06 am

> phoenix-419 wrote
>

Wanderer replied:[vbcol=seagreen]
>
> Are you saying that your sex life was normal until 2 years ago? Suddenly he
> started having premature ejaculations? Do you attribute this to any changes
> in lifestyle? I have never heard of sudden onset premature ejaculation.

Oh, yes it can.

Let's assume that your husband feels himself losing his erection, and
subconsciously he speeds up his ejaculation so he that can get it off
prior to deflation. This is such an ingrained male reflex that he
probably is not aware of doing it. I, too, had this problem at about 35
and did not that I was doing it. In my case, at 35 the problem was work
stress. It happened again at 58 and the second time, it was due to
anemia apparently caused by internal bleeding. The anemia was cured,
but the cause was never determined.

In the words of a former member of this group, "Nothing cures depression
in a male faster than a hard dick!"

One other thing. Make a list of your hubby's medications. Then go to:

http://www.nlm.nih.gov/medlineplus/druginformation.html

and check them one-by-one and see if any list sexual side effects.
(Note: For non-prescription drugs, see the second list on the page.) If
any of them do, suggest that he talk to his doctor about switching.

Did your husband change medications about the time this problem developed?

Did his job stress increase about the time of this problem?

Get your husband in to the doctor for a general physical, since erectile
problems in a male are usually the first symptoms he has of a physical,
often blood related, health problem.

Ignatz.

2006-06-04, 8:06 am

If he has the fortitude, kegel exercises of the PC (pubococcygeus) muscle
will help him control. To find the muscle, he needs to stop the stream when
urinating. That muscle that closes off the urine stream is the one that
needs to be strengthened. Starting out, do a 5-5, that is, hold the muscle
contracted for five seconds, then release for five seconds. Do 10 repetitons
to start for at least the first week, three time aper day.. Gradually, by
adding 2 or 3 additional reps, work up to 50, three times a day. Go slowly
and if there is any strain or weakness, rest up for a few days. By "closing
off" the seminal flow during intercourse (contracting and holding the
muscle, he will be able to control the premature ejaculation. Of course,
this is a physical solution. If he is dealing with psychological issues,
that is another matter.
"phoenix-419" <phoenix-419@hotmail.com> wrote in message
news:1149089145.079841.47270@g10g2000cwb.googlegroups.com...
> This is the first time I have posted here. I am 32, and my husband is
> 31. We have been married for seven years and our sex life was great
> until about 1 1/2 or 2 yrs. ago. My husband began ejaculating
> prematurely.
>
> Over that time period, we began having sex less and less frequently,
> and now we go a month, sometimes up to 3 months without having sex at
> all. I'm sure the infrequency of sex adds to the problem, and now were
> lucky if my husband makes it in without ejaculating. But when he does
> make it in, we only last a couple of minutes.
>
> My husband doesn't want to go to the doctor. He has trouble talking
> about it at all. Does anyone have any advice? Most web sites say SSRI's
> or are trying to sell some device...
> Has anything worked for anyone else?
>

Eric Deaver

2006-06-04, 8:06 am

>Yes. Absolutely. In the beginning and for years after- sex was...
>toe-curling. Lasted anywhere from 15mins. to 30mins. (not including
>foreplay) and was always very satisfying.
>
>When my husband was first prescribed pain killers, he would have a hard
>time ejaculating if we had sex soon after he took it, but we learned a
>few tricks and that didn't cause much of a problem. Then sex became a
>little less frequent- his med. made him fall asleep early a lot, and
>since we have two children- early isn't good.
>
>Then it progressed to where we are today.

I'm really surprised no one has mentioned this but one of the common
side effects of Viagra and Levitra is anorgasmia. Many men have seen
a drastic reduction in PE when using them. Either ask a urologist for
a free sample of both or buy some on the web and try it. Usually 75 -
100 mg of V and 15-20 mg of L works best for PE. You might be able to
back off the dosage once you try it but I tend to recommend trying
higher amounts first to make sure it works (NOTE: these don't always
work for all men and they often work differently for different men
with varying side effects). It is clearly worth a try. I have also
heard that one can try a topical analgesic (over the counter) but make
sure it has absorbed before penetration so as not to reduce sensation
for you.

Also, ignore the troll who responded to your post (you know the one)
he is an idiot - some women orgasm in 2 minutes some take longer - my
wife is so unpredictable its sometimes maddening (yet in an engaging
way).

Let us know what (if anything) works. Also look into the sister site
of ASI on the yahoo groups - there is one for partners of ASI - they
may have some advice on how to get your partner to participate in his
own health care more. I don't have the url but I'm sure someone does.

Good luck

Eric

phoenix-419

2006-06-04, 8:06 am

Eric Deaver wrote:
<snipped>

> Let us know what (if anything) works. Also look into the sister site
> of ASI on the yahoo groups - there is one for partners of ASI - they
> may have some advice on how to get your partner to participate in his
> own health care more. I don't have the url but I'm sure someone does.
>
> Good luck
>
> Eric

If the sister site you are referring to is: alt.support.impotence.mates
then I tried it, but it was all ads for E.D. meds.!!

ED Research Man

2006-06-04, 8:06 am

I was wondering if your husband, was able to stay hard
even after premature ejaculation, would this help him to
continue on with sexual intercourse? If so, I can probably
help him to maintain an erection. just email me for more information.

Big Mikey

2006-06-04, 8:06 am

Why post here?

We all call ourselves the biggest dicks around.

Big Mikey

"Jerry The Jerkoff" <jerrythejerkoff@bigfoot.com> wrote in message
news:1149115936.870487.193230@y43g2000cwc.googlegroups.com...
>
> phoenix-419 wrote:
>
> Hey honey, YOU are the one with the problem because that's normal male
> response. 80% of EXPERIENCED males will come within 2 minutes. 2
> minutes of active XXXXing is like boxing for a round or running 1/2
> mile at full speed.
>
>
>
>
> Opiates will slow him down but the problem is YOU. 2 minutes is ample
> time for a female to cum if she's going to cum at all. If she can't cum
> it doesn't matter if he did it for 2 hours.
>
>