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Home > Archive > Impotence Support > September 2005 > My doc is being useless....
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My doc is being useless....
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| I've seen my doctor (a GP) three times about my ED now, and I think he
isn't really taking me seriously. He made me try Viagra first, then Cialis,
none of which really worked (not when they were meant to anyway!) On my
insistence he finally agreed to take a blood test and check my
testosterone. He doesn't expect my levels to be unusual and I guess he's
probably right. But he doesn't seem interestied in investigating this
further, other than telling me he'd mention me to a urologist he knows, and
mumbling something about psycho-sexual counselling. I don't want bloody
counselling, I want a hard-on. 
I guess my age (31) is leading him to believe my problems are merely
psychological. I think that while anxiety might play a part, there is also
something more physiological preventing me from having frequent and lasting
erections (which I haven't had all my life really).
Anyway, rant over - but where do I go from here? I should probably go
straight to a urologist, preferably one who specializes in ED, but I'm not
sure how to locate one. I'm in the UK, does anyone have any pointers?
Thanks in advance,
David
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| Wanderer 2005-09-23, 5:46 pm |
| On Mon, 12 Sep 2005 22:08:09 -0400, David wrote
(in message <17ho0975fzqu4$.14k1jsaw8htyo$.dlg@40tude.net> ):
> I've seen my doctor (a GP) three times about my ED now, and I think he
> isn't really taking me seriously. He made me try Viagra first, then Cialis,
> none of which really worked (not when they were meant to anyway!) On my
> insistence he finally agreed to take a blood test and check my
> testosterone. He doesn't expect my levels to be unusual and I guess he's
> probably right. But he doesn't seem interestied in investigating this
> further, other than telling me he'd mention me to a urologist he knows, and
> mumbling something about psycho-sexual counselling. I don't want bloody
> counselling, I want a hard-on.
> I guess my age (31) is leading him to believe my problems are merely
> psychological. I think that while anxiety might play a part, there is also
> something more physiological preventing me from having frequent and lasting
> erections (which I haven't had all my life really).
>
> Anyway, rant over - but where do I go from here? I should probably go
> straight to a urologist, preferably one who specializes in ED, but I'm not
> sure how to locate one. I'm in the UK, does anyone have any pointers?
I'm not sure he's being as useless as you feel he is. At least he is starting
out with the usual "tools" at his disposal, and he is willing to give you a
referral to a specialist, and even to do some bloodwork. That's a lot more
than some of these croakers will attempt.
The first thing you should do is wait for the results of the blood work. Even
if your testosterone is normal, there may be other hormonal issues that
prevent it from doing its job properly, so you may want to get a thorough
blood workup from someone who specializes in male hormonal issues. But if
your testosterone IS low, or even borderline, that will be a significant clue
about your ED.
I am intrigued by something you said... that Viagra and Cialis didn't work
"when they were meant to." What were your experiences exactly? Were you with
a partner? How much Viagra and Cialis did you take? How soon before
intercourse? And if it didn't work when it was meant to, when did it work?
I will say one other thing even though it may offend you. People with extreme
performance anxiety are often unwilling to admit it. If all the medical tests
show you to be physically normal, you might want to consider counseling from
someone who specializes in human sexuality issues, as your doctor has
suggested. There are fairly simple techniques, sometimes taught by a
surrogate, that can help you relax during sexual encounters and stop focusing
on your penis so much.
And if all else fails, there is always the shots. Many in here swear by them.
Wanderer
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| Erick001 2005-09-23, 5:46 pm |
| I'm pretty much in the same boat as you. Same symptoms. I live in the
UK too and got some advice from ASI to check out a branch of Nuffield
Hospital near me, as they are supposed to have good ED clinics. You
can check them out online (google search). Nuffield is a private
hospital. I called the hospital and was told that I needed a referral
letter from my GP before I could register to see any of the doctors
there. I went to my GP for the referral letter but he then dissuaded
me from going to this hospital saying that they were very expensive and
would "bankrupt me".
Anyway my GP has finally decided to send me for a blood test (which
includes testosterone, prolactin, thyroid etc). I'm supposed to see him
again when the test results arrive and take things from there. If the
test results come back OK and there is nothing more he can do then I
would have to ask him to refer me to a suitable Uro for more in-depth
physical examination or perhaps psychological counselling.
Regarding psychological counselling, I heard that there are special
relaxation methods that they can teach you to apply to help overcome
anxiety problems (if that is the main cause of your ED), I don't know
how effective the counselling is but I don't mind giving it a go. I've
always been sceptical about psychological counselling for ED problems
because I have not heard of one single person who said it worked for
them, not even on this forum in which ED and related issues are
discussed at length.
My suggestion to you is to wait for the test results and then ask your
GP for a referral to a low cost private clinic if necessary. Another
place I was looking at is http://www.wellmanclinic.org/ but looks like
they'll be very expensive.
Good luck.
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| On Tue, 13 Sep 2005 17:20:22 GMT, Wanderer wrote:
> I am intrigued by something you said... that Viagra and Cialis didn't work
> "when they were meant to." What were your experiences exactly? Were you with
> a partner?
Yes. And my erections weren't hard enough for intercourse, despite the
pills. But hours later (on my own), when masturbating, I was able to get
hard, although that's not much of a challenge I guess!
> How much Viagra and Cialis did you take? How soon before
> intercourse? And if it didn't work when it was meant to, when did it work?
100mg of Viagra/20mg of Cialis, both at least 30-60 minutes before
attempted intercourse...
> I will say one other thing even though it may offend you. People with extreme
> performance anxiety are often unwilling to admit it. If all the medical tests
> show you to be physically normal, you might want to consider counseling from
> someone who specializes in human sexuality issues, as your doctor has
> suggested. There are fairly simple techniques, sometimes taught by a
> surrogate, that can help you relax during sexual encounters and stop focusing
> on your penis so much.
Well, thanks - I bet performance anxiety is playing some part like I think
I said, but I'm convinced there's more to it than that.
Would something like Xanax help with performance anxiety?
> And if all else fails, there is always the shots. Many in here swear by them.
Yeah, the brute force method I guess - tempting, but I wonder if my doc
would ever prescribe them, and it must be hard to get off them once you
swear by them.
Anyway, thanks for your reply,
David
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| On 13 Sep 2005 13:24:38 -0700, Erick001 wrote:
> My suggestion to you is to wait for the test results and then ask your
> GP for a referral to a low cost private clinic if necessary. Another
> place I was looking at is http://www.wellmanclinic.org/ but looks like
> they'll be very expensive.
Yeah, saw their website the other day although not sure just how genuine
they are.
Do you mind me asking how old you are?
> Good luck.
Thanks Erick, same to you...
David
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| Wanderer 2005-09-23, 5:46 pm |
| On Wed, 14 Sep 2005 1:07:21 -0400, David wrote
(in message <flnyvs5c6cwz$.yww814csg9q3.dlg@40tude.net> ):
> On Tue, 13 Sep 2005 17:20:22 GMT, Wanderer wrote:
>
>
> Yes. And my erections weren't hard enough for intercourse, despite the
> pills. But hours later (on my own), when masturbating, I was able to get
> hard, although that's not much of a challenge I guess!
>
I realize this isn't what you want to hear, but your response actually
confirnms that you have significant psychological issues. For men who don't
suffer from performance anxiety, masturbatory sex is actually MUCH more of a
challenge than sex with an attractive partner. And clearly, you had enough
libido a few hours after your unsuccessful encounter to want to masturbate.
And when you did, you were apparently able to achieve a good erection. This
suggests strongly that the complicating issue for you is having sex with a
partner. It seems clear that this puts you under a great deal of stress --
AKA performance anxiety. I doubt that Xanax is the answer, but that's
certainly something to discuss with a therapist when you select one. It may
be that you also have hormonal or other ED issues, but I think you should
regard performance anxiety as one of the issues you need to deal with
seriously, in addition to any other medical issues that may surface. As
someone who has experienced performance anxiety in the past, I know for a
fact that it can render intercourse impossible, regardless of what meds you
take.
Wanderer
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| On Wed, 14 Sep 2005 17:20:11 GMT, Wanderer wrote:
> I realize this isn't what you want to hear
I am not prejudiced against what I hear, I just have my own opinions on my
condition that's all.
> but your response actually
> confirnms that you have significant psychological issues. For men who don't
> suffer from performance anxiety, masturbatory sex is actually MUCH more of a
> challenge than sex with an attractive partner.
What makes you say that? When masturbating, you have all the time in the
world and you can just focus on yourself. So I would have thought it's
always more "straightforward" than something like penetration.
> And clearly, you had enough
> libido a few hours after your unsuccessful encounter to want to masturbate.
> And when you did, you were apparently able to achieve a good erection.
That's not strictly the case - it's possible to come from an erection
that's not hard enough for intercourse. Or is that just me?
> This
> suggests strongly that the complicating issue for you is having sex with a
> partner. It seems clear that this puts you under a great deal of stress --
> AKA performance anxiety.
Okay, I see where you are coming from and.... you have a point, of course,
but would "performance anxiety" explain why I've had these problems since
my first sexual partner, 15 years ago? Like I said, I think there's a
physiological dimension to it too. Given I have a pretty low sex drive, low
testosterone levels may be the answer although that would probably be too
easy...
> I doubt that Xanax is the answer, but that's
> certainly something to discuss with a therapist when you select one. It may
> be that you also have hormonal or other ED issues, but I think you should
> regard performance anxiety as one of the issues you need to deal with
> seriously, in addition to any other medical issues that may surface.
OK, thanks, I'll bear that in mind.
> As
> someone who has experienced performance anxiety in the past, I know for a
> fact that it can render intercourse impossible, regardless of what meds you
> take.
Who would have thought it can have that powerful an effect. 
How did you get over yours?
Thanks,
David
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| Erick001 2005-09-23, 5:46 pm |
| >Do you mind me asking how old you are?
I'm 36 but the my problem is not age related as I've pretty much had it
from my first sexual ecounter.
I do get firm erections but lose it before or during intercourse. Like
you, I'm now beginning to believe there is some physiological element
to it. I know of many stories of guys who remain virgins until late
into their 20s or even 30s and then get VERY nervous and anxious before
their first sexual encounter, because of their lack of experience, but
still do no suffer any form of ED. In fact I have one such friend who
had his first sexual encounter in his late 20s. He said he was so
nervous that he was literally shaking and could even put on the condom
properly, yet he was able to have normal sexual intercourse. For most
guys it really is "matter over mind" when it comes to hard on and
sexual arousal. The sexual arousal part of the brain takes over and
overpowers any anxieties or fears etc.
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| Mr. Softy 2005-09-23, 5:46 pm |
|
"Erick001" <matika@tiscali.co.uk> wrote in message
news:1126853651.509595.35770@g14g2000cwa.googlegroups.com...
>
> I'm 36 but the my problem is not age related as I've pretty much had it
> from my first sexual ecounter.
>
> I do get firm erections but lose it before or during intercourse. Like
> you, I'm now beginning to believe there is some physiological element
> to it. I know of many stories of guys who remain virgins until late
> into their 20s or even 30s and then get VERY nervous and anxious before
> their first sexual encounter, because of their lack of experience, but
> still do no suffer any form of ED. In fact I have one such friend who
> had his first sexual encounter in his late 20s. He said he was so
> nervous that he was literally shaking and could even put on the condom
> properly, yet he was able to have normal sexual intercourse. For most
> guys it really is "matter over mind" when it comes to hard on and
> sexual arousal. The sexual arousal part of the brain takes over and
> overpowers any anxieties or fears etc.
I can certainly relate to your experience. I think there are both
psychological and physiological aspects to your problem. Which came first?
I'm not sure it matters. I have noticed that even if everything is going
well, whether experiencing intercourse or with masturbation, my erection
becomes a less hard with time and then when orgasm is inevitable, it becomes
very hard again. If I start to panic when the initial hardness subsides a
bit, then the show is over. Once you have a few bad experiences then it is
more likely that the anxiety will kick-in and you will experience another
failure. Sex becomes about your erection rather than pleasure. If you
haven't tried the ED drugs, I would recommend that you start there. I think
that the drugs can treat ED and help break the cycle of anxiety that leads
to dysfunction. After having a number of successful sexual experiences,
you can gradually reduce the drugs. I think this is easier with Cialis as
it can be taken far in advance of the encounter not only making sex more
natural, but there is a disconnect between taking the pill and having an
erection. You can start by taking a fixed amount daily. Then you can
reduce the daily dose. Then you can start skipping days and then reduce the
dose again. Eventually you will be off the medication and either the cycle
will be broken or you can decide if you want to continue to take medication
or get specialized help. If you do have a physiological problem and the
drugs help, then your problem is solved as taking the medications is the
least invasive way of dealing with the issue. Before getting psychological
help, you should make sure that you have ruled out all possible health
issues such as diabetes, etc. and get a consultation with a urologist. Lots
of people take medication for chronic health issues.
As for people who tell you that despite their fear, they have good function,
please remember that people are not truthful about their sexual function.
Men tie their identity and self-worth to their sexual prowess. Therefore,
even if they have some dysfunction they are unlikely to be truthful. Don't
measure yourself against the what others tell you is normal for them.
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