Impotence Support - My story, psychological but uncommon... I think

Author

My story, psychological but uncommon... I think

yes_because@well_no.ok

2004-09-21, 2:08 am

Hello,

I was hoping you could give some advice to me, I have a bit of a
story, which I will try to condense in a few sentences.
My first sexual experience was with my first girlfriend, because I
choose it that way, I wanted it to be special. Being a bit on the shy
side, it took quite some nights before I could actually perform. First
barrier solved. I was in the game.

Then I became fascinated by this new stage, and frankly I wanted to do
it all the time, at least once or twice a day. I was so cool. But, my
girlfriend was quite quickly put the brakes on me, which caused a lot
of fighting. Second barrier coming up.

After pressuring her to explain to me why sex wasn't the most
beautiful thing on Earth (at that time for me anyway) I discovered
that she was abused when 13, and forever her vision of sex was
something wrong dirty and shameful. Holy shit.

For her to have sex with me was a psychological torture, for me it was
clean, beautiful, loving, for her it meant rape, dirt, shame,
worthlessness. Second barrier firmly in place.

So we spent the rest of our relationship doing sexual ‘things' without
actual sex, less and less until nothing, and I mean nothing, for about
3-4 years. The thing here is that, at that time I was in love, a
massive universal love that I thought could solve anything and
everything; a love based on sacrifice. I will never forgive the
Catholics for this. I don't know if I can even love that way anymore.

Now I am single, bitter, and angry, not with my ex though, the poor
thing, but with... myself...? And I cannot perform jack shit. Alone of
course I can, but with a woman it becomes so f***in complicated, a mix
of wanting it and feeling I am invading her, like raping her, and I
cannot bring myself to do it. Sadness and sorrow are part of the mix
now. I had the best training for this I guess.

So well, I have met many great ladies over these later years, and
well, when the point comes to become intimate, I just back off, and I
become "a very nice and sweet friend" which is nothing to complain
about in itself, but this is the only thing I can be without feeling
f***ed up. I am f***ed up. I went to a prostitute, the supposedly way
to fix these things, and nothing, 75 bucks for a nice massage,
cuddling and "don't worry it's OK".

That's my story, and part of the reason I posted was to get it out if
my chest, if you don't mind. And yes, also I am again seeing a very
beautiful woman and I am tired of letting them go. Not one of them
ever heard this story because I can't share it in person, I can't. And
I'm not even 30 yet and at this age women want action, adventure and
normal functioning guys anyway.

Well this is a long boring post now, sorry. If out of 80 jokes I get a
few nice comments it would be great.

Cheers,

N

yes_because@well_no.ok

2004-09-21, 2:08 am

Well it's me again, the original poster. I lost my other alternate
identity, ha ha.
Thank you all for your replies.

It's pretty obvious... sometimes I need to hear the obvious... "Hello,
I am such and such an I have a problem". I feel some weight off of my
shoulders. Maybe it's acceptance.

Because I am an overthinker, I have been reading on the "four types of
love", that is, eros, friend-like, family-like, and spiritual. Each
one ocurrs as an evolution from the previous one, as I read.
Funny thing is that I jump right away into the friend-like, and even
hinting at spiritual. And, ergo, "she walks away"; she needed eros to
start!

Somewhere I may have linked that if the higher stages are there, the
lower ones can happen easier. That's the theory at least. And, I'm
always seeking this 'connection' before I can even think about sex.
Case in point, I am seeing somebody who broke up with her boyfriend a
couple of months ago. She's nice. We have gone out a lot, movies,
dinner, drinking. Now, if I were a normal functioning guy there was a
pretty good chance we would have had sex the night we got stupid drunk
(just the two of us) and started giving little massages, talking about
sex positions and preferences, etc. But because it's ME, I kept
thinking about her ex and how I would be the "rebound guy", how she is
nice-looking but does NOT attract me AT ALL (to be crude, no t, no a),
and how unless she is drunk she is INCREDIBLY BORING, flat, nothing.

Somebody hit me.

To open another can of worms, I HATE to be in a situation were I am
EXPECTED to do something... why this pressure? Why do I HAVE to do
anything at all, if I don't FEEL like it?

Cheers, n

FCR

2004-09-21, 2:08 am

Methinks you thinks too much. Start thinking with your dick and not your
brains. Let the animal out, she'll probably like it, you'll definately like
it, and everybody goes home happy. Putting too much thought into raw
emotion, or trying to figure it all out(forget about it-it's a big world,
big life), or trying to become someones best friend is wasting precious time
that could be spent on good old fashioned intimacy.

Rebound guy? Whatever..lighten up just a little on yourself and enjoy it,
somewhere out there is a beauitiful lady waiting for you, go find her.
fcr

"yes_because@well_no.ok" <not_so_very@fastmail.fm> wrote in message
news:d8a6588f.0409140310.45327311@posting.google.com...
> Well it's me again, the original poster. I lost my other alternate
> identity, ha ha.
> Thank you all for your replies.
>
> It's pretty obvious... sometimes I need to hear the obvious... "Hello,
> I am such and such an I have a problem". I feel some weight off of my
> shoulders. Maybe it's acceptance.
>
> Because I am an overthinker, I have been reading on the "four types of
> love", that is, eros, friend-like, family-like, and spiritual. Each
> one ocurrs as an evolution from the previous one, as I read.
> Funny thing is that I jump right away into the friend-like, and even
> hinting at spiritual. And, ergo, "she walks away"; she needed eros to
> start!
>
> Somewhere I may have linked that if the higher stages are there, the
> lower ones can happen easier. That's the theory at least. And, I'm
> always seeking this 'connection' before I can even think about sex.
> Case in point, I am seeing somebody who broke up with her boyfriend a
> couple of months ago. She's nice. We have gone out a lot, movies,
> dinner, drinking. Now, if I were a normal functioning guy there was a
> pretty good chance we would have had sex the night we got stupid drunk
> (just the two of us) and started giving little massages, talking about
> sex positions and preferences, etc. But because it's ME, I kept
> thinking about her ex and how I would be the "rebound guy", how she is
> nice-looking but does NOT attract me AT ALL (to be crude, no t, no a),
> and how unless she is drunk she is INCREDIBLY BORING, flat, nothing.
>
> Somebody hit me.
>
> To open another can of worms, I HATE to be in a situation were I am
> EXPECTED to do something... why this pressure? Why do I HAVE to do
> anything at all, if I don't FEEL like it?
>
> Cheers, n