| kathleen 2005-08-25, 10:57 pm |
| Rich Procter: 'Catapulting the propaganda - the leadership secrets of
G.W. Bush'
Contributed by drprocter on Thursday, August 25 @ 08:20:16 EDT
This article has been read 2030 times. By Rich Procter
FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE
Conservative Publisher CHARNEL HOUSE announces a premiere title for
2006 - "Catapulting the Propaganda - Leadership Secrets of G.W. Bush"
As Personally Revealed by the President to Fox News/Talon News Service
Special White House Correspondent Jack Pander.
This enlightening 76 page (large print, with colorable pictures) volume
reveals the following "secrets" that have made President Bush the
staggeringly brilliant genius, utterly infallible leader and military
heir to Alexander the Great all patriotic Americans know and adore.
Here's a preview of the "Secrets," with commentary in Mr. Bush's own
words:
1) There's Only One Perfectly Perfect President, and I'm It.
PRESIDENT BUSH - "A lot o' people (almost always smarty-pants atheistic
hippie-Commie left-wing hate-America-first scumbags) seem to think I'm
arrogant because I'll never admit I'm wrong. If I ever made a mistake,
I'd be the first to admit it, because I'm one humble sumbitch, like my
best-bud Jesus H. Christ. Just so happens I haven't made any mistakes,
so how can I "admit" that I did? Huh? Wasn't I right about Saddam
Hussein being behind the 9-11 attacks? Didn't I tell ya Iraq would be a
cakewalk? That's the deal with being perfect -- I never have to change
your mind, because my mind is part of me - perfect!
2) Act From Your Gut, Then Blame Someone Else (And You're Never Wrong
If You Don't Admit It!)
PRESIDENT BUSH - "Listen up, Stretch, here's how I do it. I read the
one-paragraph cut down of the summary of the abridged condensation of
the paper on the issue. Then I make up my mind - BANG! Saddam? EVIL!
KILL! And that's it. If you're with me, you're golden. If you're agin'
me, I've got a room at the Gitmo Marriott for ya. Did I mention I'm
perfect?"
3) Want Good Press? Hire 'Em!
PRESIDENT BUSH - "Whoever the hell called it a 'free' press didn't know
what he was talkin' about! That colored fella...what's his name,
Armstrong Williams -- cost us $240,000! Lucky for us, the rest of the
Washington Press corps can be had for a warm handshake and a stale
donut. Bob Novak...Judy Miller...JimJeff GuckertGannon...Charlie
Krauthammer...Rove and Cheney write it, I say it, they scream it. Works
for me."
4) You're Either With Me, Or You're A Smarty-Pans, Atheistic
Hippie-Commie Left-Wing Hate-America-Firster
PRESIDENT BUSH - "See, I'm the President. America is me, and
vice-versa. If you're against me, you're against America. If you're
against America, you're a terrorist. If you're a terrorist, I'm gonna
smoke you outta your hidey-hole and kill ya. Unless you're Osama bin
Laden, cause he's too hard to catch. Too hard. Did I mention this is a
hard job?
But now take this Cindy Sheehan babe. As my buddy Rush Limbaugh pointed
out, how do we even know she lost her son? The liberal press (as usual)
absolutely refuses to print both sides of the Cindy Sheehan issue. If
she had a son, where is he? Oh, he "died" in "Iraq"? How convenient for
her! Look, all we know is that she - Cindy Whatever - is against me,
America. That's why other people have got to take her down while I
remain Presidential by riding my mountain bike."
5) When In Doubt, Rile the Rubes
PRESIDENT BUSH - "Turdblossom - you know, Karl Rove -- has this great
chart in his office. Has my popularity ratings on graph paper. When we
dip below 45%, talk about the danger of homos getting' hitched. Below
40%, bring out the flag-burning amendment. Below 35%, it's time to
invade some other country. Which one? Well, I got this here special
coin. Heads, Syria. Tails, Iran...."
6) It's Not Hypocrisy If You Don't Admit It!
PRESIDENT BUSH - "This here goes back to what makes them Democrats so
crazy - that I never make a mistake. Sometimes - in secret - they call
me a hypocrite, just because I say I'm for small government but I've
increased the size of the federal budget 41%....and because I'm for
banning gay marriage, but Dick Cheney's daughter is a lezbo...that I
talk up the Army, but wouldn't let me own daughters join on a bet...and
because we blocked Clinton's judges, but demanded up or down votes for
mine...and because - well you get the idea. Well, I'm no hypocrite.
Why? Because I say I'm not. Is America a hypocrite? No. Am I America?
Yes. Therefore - you get the picture."
7) The Truth Is What I Say It Is
PRESIDENT BUSH - "Look, here's what this 'Intelligent Design' deal is
all about - truth is what I say it is. If I say that a perfectly
perfect person like a certain yours truly is the result of Godly
creationism and not primordial ooze, take it to the bank. If I say
Saddam had WMD, let's get our war on. If I say Social Security is goin'
bankrupt, torch that sucker. How many times do I gotta say this,
Sparky? President = America. America = Perfection. Perfection = Me. Me
= President. Got it?"
"CATAPULTING THE PROPAGANDA" - Leadership Secrets of G.W. Bush" will be
available starting in August of 2006 exclusively at Wal-Mart locations
for either $35 dollars or a gallon of gasoline, whichever is more at
that time.
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