Yoga - Frustrated bipolar

Author

Frustrated bipolar - rambling

steele

2006-04-20, 11:23 am

Hey, everyone.

I started taking Yoga classes last January because I was tired of all
the exhausting running and spinning. Which I had to do because the
antidepressants (I'm bipolar) made me gain a ton of weight in a matter
of months. So now I take Yoga classes 3 times a week and spinning the
rest of the week. Believe me when I say my knees are relieved. So
although I'm burning far less calories now, Yoga seems to help the
binge episodes, and things seem to even out.

I was lucky to find a couple of teachers who must be some of the nicest
people on the planet. They are heavy on the spiritual aspects of Yoga
but won't push it unless you express interest, which I honestly
haven't.

I was enjoying Yoga so much I was training on my own at home as well -
obsessively, as anyone who knows what a manic phase is will understand.
But after 3 months, depression hit yet again and I'm getting
increasingly anxious and restless. I see all these impossible asanas in
books or the Internet and I have to do them right away. Example: I had
my picture taken doing the Scorpion and I was distressed to realise my
feet were a LOT farther from my head than I thought. And it was even
worse when I tried it on my hands. When I brought this up with my
teacher, she said I should be thrilled to be doing the Scorpion at all
after 2 months, and that I should be focusing on the process rather
than the goal, etc., but I just couldn't stop obsessing over the idea
of touching my head with my feet. After a few weeks of obsessive
training, I haven't accomplished much more than sore muscles. And this
is true for any new asana I come accross.

I know that this attitude goes against the philosophy behind Yoga but I
can't help it and I'm afraid I'll end up giving up on the whole thing
unless I find a way to deal with it. Preferrably without upping the
Prozac. I feel kind of embarrassed to discuss it with my teachers, but
I'm starting to feel like a complete failure.

PS. Any tips on actually getting the feet to touch the head would be
appreciated as well. No matter how much I try, my lower back hurts
unbearably before I get any close. Here are the picture I mentioned if
it helps -

http://tinyurl.com/leys2
http://tinyurl.com/msfhg

unknown

2006-04-20, 11:23 am

Hi,

Try to release any tension in your body or mind by breething deep and
calm. Try with every breath to be more at ease with your posture; one
should enjoy ones asana.

Love the light.

steele wrote:
> Hey, everyone.
>
> I started taking Yoga classes last January because I was tired of all
> the exhausting running and spinning. Which I had to do because the
> antidepressants (I'm bipolar) made me gain a ton of weight in a matter
> of months. So now I take Yoga classes 3 times a week and spinning the
> rest of the week. Believe me when I say my knees are relieved. So
> although I'm burning far less calories now, Yoga seems to help the
> binge episodes, and things seem to even out.
>
> I was lucky to find a couple of teachers who must be some of the nicest
> people on the planet. They are heavy on the spiritual aspects of Yoga
> but won't push it unless you express interest, which I honestly
> haven't.
>
> I was enjoying Yoga so much I was training on my own at home as well -
> obsessively, as anyone who knows what a manic phase is will understand.
> But after 3 months, depression hit yet again and I'm getting
> increasingly anxious and restless. I see all these impossible asanas in
> books or the Internet and I have to do them right away. Example: I had
> my picture taken doing the Scorpion and I was distressed to realise my
> feet were a LOT farther from my head than I thought. And it was even
> worse when I tried it on my hands. When I brought this up with my
> teacher, she said I should be thrilled to be doing the Scorpion at all
> after 2 months, and that I should be focusing on the process rather
> than the goal, etc., but I just couldn't stop obsessing over the idea
> of touching my head with my feet. After a few weeks of obsessive
> training, I haven't accomplished much more than sore muscles. And this
> is true for any new asana I come accross.
>
> I know that this attitude goes against the philosophy behind Yoga but I
> can't help it and I'm afraid I'll end up giving up on the whole thing
> unless I find a way to deal with it. Preferrably without upping the
> Prozac. I feel kind of embarrassed to discuss it with my teachers, but
> I'm starting to feel like a complete failure.
>
> PS. Any tips on actually getting the feet to touch the head would be
> appreciated as well. No matter how much I try, my lower back hurts
> unbearably before I get any close. Here are the picture I mentioned if
> it helps -
>
> http://tinyurl.com/leys2
> http://tinyurl.com/msfhg
>

danijel dubicanac

2006-04-20, 11:23 am

dear steele,

have you tried yoga when feeling anxiety and restlesness?
seated forward bend and its variations adress both rather well

as for compressive pain, it might be a signal this is your anatomical limit
you might find paul grilley's anatomy for yoga enlightening on the subject
http://www.pranamaya.com/grilley_afy.html

there's nothing wrong with being goal oriented in yoga practice, it keeps
you motivated and going out of your boundaries. it might or might not
transform into something diferrent, so embrace it as it is, don't quit.

but, if your anatomical reality says that legs on the head are out of range
at the moment, why not work on other demanding poses which for example
demand arm balances as a starting point. you have a base there and migh
progressivly work towards more advanced postures.

cheers, danijel

"steele" <ilooovespam@hotmail.com> wrote in message
news:1145516523.687202.145120@j33g2000cwa.googlegroups.com...
> Hey, everyone.
>
> I started taking Yoga classes last January because I was tired of all
> the exhausting running and spinning. Which I had to do because the
> antidepressants (I'm bipolar) made me gain a ton of weight in a matter
> of months. So now I take Yoga classes 3 times a week and spinning the
> rest of the week. Believe me when I say my knees are relieved. So
> although I'm burning far less calories now, Yoga seems to help the
> binge episodes, and things seem to even out.
>
> I was lucky to find a couple of teachers who must be some of the nicest
> people on the planet. They are heavy on the spiritual aspects of Yoga
> but won't push it unless you express interest, which I honestly
> haven't.
>
> I was enjoying Yoga so much I was training on my own at home as well -
> obsessively, as anyone who knows what a manic phase is will understand.
> But after 3 months, depression hit yet again and I'm getting
> increasingly anxious and restless. I see all these impossible asanas in
> books or the Internet and I have to do them right away. Example: I had
> my picture taken doing the Scorpion and I was distressed to realise my
> feet were a LOT farther from my head than I thought. And it was even
> worse when I tried it on my hands. When I brought this up with my
> teacher, she said I should be thrilled to be doing the Scorpion at all
> after 2 months, and that I should be focusing on the process rather
> than the goal, etc., but I just couldn't stop obsessing over the idea
> of touching my head with my feet. After a few weeks of obsessive
> training, I haven't accomplished much more than sore muscles. And this
> is true for any new asana I come accross.
>
> I know that this attitude goes against the philosophy behind Yoga but I
> can't help it and I'm afraid I'll end up giving up on the whole thing
> unless I find a way to deal with it. Preferrably without upping the
> Prozac. I feel kind of embarrassed to discuss it with my teachers, but
> I'm starting to feel like a complete failure.
>
> PS. Any tips on actually getting the feet to touch the head would be
> appreciated as well. No matter how much I try, my lower back hurts
> unbearably before I get any close. Here are the picture I mentioned if
> it helps -
>
> http://tinyurl.com/leys2
> http://tinyurl.com/msfhg
>

NBennett

2006-04-20, 11:23 am

hi steele
a rambling reply
i can identify with some of what you feel. when i started yoga i wasnt able
to do most of the poses. i too had a great teacher who leaned but didnt push
towards the spiritual angle. because of that she was able to help me find
value in the yoga i was able to do. my little pudgy unbending body did its
best.
i too enjoyed yoga so much, i quickly started a home practice.
for you it's getting your feet closer to your head, for me it's seated
forward bends. i desperately want to fold over and lay the front of my body
along the tops of my legs. at first i struggled to just sit up straight.
when the teacher said, reach forward and put your hands or your feet, or
ankles or shins, whatever is available to you today....it was always my
thighs, and just barely. no one pressured me and eventually i stopped
pressuring myself. i go as far as i can. some days are better than others.
over 3 yrs i gradually worked my way down my legs and a couple of months
ago, i leaned forward and wrapped my hands around the bottom of my feet! for
me, it's all available, it just takes time to get there. and i like that it
takes time. it gives me time to savour everything yoga does for me - relax,
stretch, give my mind a break, push myself, respect myself, appreciate more.
to me it's like a good book that i dont want to end, so i read it very
slowly. if i travel my yoga path slowly, i'll notice everything along the
way, appreciate it more and have it with me longer.
you're focusing on what you havent achieved YET (which is not to say you
never will), rather than on what you've achieved so far. you've established
a practice in a new activity/philosophy, you're looking after yourself,
learning, applying what you learn. this is a lot. you have wonderful
teachers. maybe you should stop taking pictures of yourself in poses. its
like that old joke - "doctor it hurts when i do this." dr says "stop
doing that." i dont even like to practice where there are mirrors. its too
distracting, takes away from the practice in my head.
maybe accepting and dealing with imperfection/inability is part of yoga. a
man i work with started yoga when he was almost 60. he told me - i suck at
this. i love it though. how can i love something i'm so bad at? i didnt
have an answer but i understood.
i have no tips on how to get your feet closer to your head. i can understand
it being one of your goals but i think you're achieving much more than that
already.

nancy

"steele" <ilooovespam@hotmail.com> wrote in message
news:1145516523.687202.145120@j33g2000cwa.googlegroups.com...
> Hey, everyone.
>
> I started taking Yoga classes last January because I was tired of all
> the exhausting running and spinning. Which I had to do because the
> antidepressants (I'm bipolar) made me gain a ton of weight in a matter
> of months. So now I take Yoga classes 3 times a week and spinning the
> rest of the week. Believe me when I say my knees are relieved. So
> although I'm burning far less calories now, Yoga seems to help the
> binge episodes, and things seem to even out.
>
> I was lucky to find a couple of teachers who must be some of the nicest
> people on the planet. They are heavy on the spiritual aspects of Yoga
> but won't push it unless you express interest, which I honestly
> haven't.
>
> I was enjoying Yoga so much I was training on my own at home as well -
> obsessively, as anyone who knows what a manic phase is will understand.
> But after 3 months, depression hit yet again and I'm getting
> increasingly anxious and restless. I see all these impossible asanas in
> books or the Internet and I have to do them right away. Example: I had
> my picture taken doing the Scorpion and I was distressed to realise my
> feet were a LOT farther from my head than I thought. And it was even
> worse when I tried it on my hands. When I brought this up with my
> teacher, she said I should be thrilled to be doing the Scorpion at all
> after 2 months, and that I should be focusing on the process rather
> than the goal, etc., but I just couldn't stop obsessing over the idea
> of touching my head with my feet. After a few weeks of obsessive
> training, I haven't accomplished much more than sore muscles. And this
> is true for any new asana I come accross.
>
> I know that this attitude goes against the philosophy behind Yoga but I
> can't help it and I'm afraid I'll end up giving up on the whole thing
> unless I find a way to deal with it. Preferrably without upping the
> Prozac. I feel kind of embarrassed to discuss it with my teachers, but
> I'm starting to feel like a complete failure.
>
> PS. Any tips on actually getting the feet to touch the head would be
> appreciated as well. No matter how much I try, my lower back hurts
> unbearably before I get any close. Here are the picture I mentioned if
> it helps -
>
> http://tinyurl.com/leys2
> http://tinyurl.com/msfhg
>

omjaroo

2006-04-20, 11:23 am

>Hey, everyone.

Welcome to alt.yoga :-)

>I was lucky to find a couple of teachers who must be some of the nicest
>people on the planet.

I agree!

>When I brought this up with my teacher, she said I should be thrilled to be doing >the Scorpion at all after 2 months, and that I should be focusing on the process >rather than the goal, etc.

Sounds like sound, responsible and knowledgeable advice.

>I know that this attitude goes against the philosophy behind

Not only the philosophy but also the physical requirements of sustained
and successful practice of hatha yoga.

>Yoga but I can't help it and I'm afraid I'll end up giving up on the whole thing

I suspect if you continue "your" approach you won't have any
choice, you will have to give up.

>I'm starting to feel like a complete failure.

Strictly a feeling and not a helpful one either. It has no
correspondence to reality. I suggest you dismiss it anytime it appears
:-)

>PS. Any tips on actually getting the feet to touch the head would be
>appreciated as well. No matter how much I try, my lower back hurts
>unbearably before I get any close. Here are the picture I mentioned if
>it helps -

Your outer teachers, as well as your inner teacher (pain) have already
indicated that you are taking a counter productive approach to your
learning and practice. I suggest that you concurrently take up the
study and practice of meditation until such time as you can accept and
follow the advice of your teachers. Hittlemen's Guide to Meditation
is good and available on Amazon for cheap. I also suggest any other
book by Hittlemen on hatha yoga or anyone of the many fine resources
available. Ask your teacher :-)

Jared
o
^

omjaroo

2006-04-20, 1:22 pm

Nancy,

I do love your spin on things :-)

Thanks...

Jared
o
^

steele

2006-04-23, 1:25 am

Hey, everyone - thanks for replying. I feel kind of silly having posted
that now, but I suppose it's better to embarrass oneself online rather
than in real life.

I guess I'll have to deal with whatever impels me to stay up until 5am
trying an asana the same way I deal with whatever impels me to eat a
gallon of ice cream in 15 minutes and than fast for 5 days.
Unfortunately, knowing that waht you're doing isn't
rational/right/healthy/normal isn't always enough.

Some days are easier than others. Today was a good day, so I finally
read the 1st chapter of Light on Yoga instead of skipping to the asanas
and torturing myself.

Thanks - and sorry about rambling again.

omjaroo

2006-04-23, 11:25 am

>Hey, everyone - thanks for replying.

I'm sure you are very welcome :-)

>I feel kind of silly having posted that now, but I suppose it's better to embarrass
>oneself online rather than in real life.

I wasn't embarrassed and I did'nt get the impression anyone else was
either. Must be a personal thing :-)

I've come to believe feelings are an important feedback mechanism but
they are only that. Feelings are not who or what I am and I do not have
to do or not do anything because of a feeling. I do not deny the
feeling (that would be most unwise) but I acknowledge and accept it and
then make my decision based on my chosen set of values.

>I guess I'll have to deal with whatever impels me to stay up until 5am
>trying an asana the same way I deal with whatever impels me to eat a
>gallon of ice cream in 15 minutes and than fast for 5 days.
>Unfortunately, knowing that waht you're doing isn't
>rational/right/healthy/normal isn't always enough.

By the way there are explanations for these types of behavior. They are
after all, only habits and they can be understood and effectively
exchanged for better, healthier ones. It will require inquiry, study
and work. But if I can do it, believe me, anyone can :-) I suggest you
look into food allergies/sensitivities.

I think we all struggle with compulsive behaviors; some more then
others. I belong to the more category :-) My life took a turn for the
better when I became aware and eventually accepted the fact that I am
the only doer in my life. That whatever action/no action I take is my
decision and my choice and that I am the creator of all the
consequences in my life. This wasn't an easy or pleasant notion to
embrace because my life was thoroughly messed up. But there was an
equally freeing idea that if I could mess up my life then I could also
make it more to my liking. I call it taking personal responsibility.
I've struggled with this for years and it gets better and better at
deeper and deeper levels.

>Some days are easier than others. Today was a good day, so I finally
>read the 1st chapter of Light on Yoga instead of skipping to the asanas
>and torturing myself.

That's great. Glad to hear it. I'll add that meditation (even if
for 5 minutes a day) is a wonderful way to develop awareness and begin
to wrestle control of mind, body soul (life).

>Thanks - and sorry about rambling again.

I for one would be very interested to know from time to time how
you're progressing. Please feel free to share. No apologies
necessary.

Jared
o
^