Yoga - Waiting for Beloved

Author

Waiting for Beloved

ibshambat2004@hotmail.com

2006-04-02, 12:30 am

Heart jumps inside,
Nerves spring and play.
My sweet beloved
Is coming today.

Heart beats out loud,
Nerves tear and flay.
My sweet beloved
Is on her way.

Outside - the rain,
Heart palpitates.
I am in pain:
My beloved is late.

Now all is well,
And flee the fears,
And my heart melts:
My beloved is here.

Brian Fletcher

2006-04-02, 12:30 am

Immortalist

2006-04-02, 11:35 am

<ibshambat2004@hotmail.com> wrote in message
news:1143938431.069347.6490@e56g2000cwe.googlegroups.com...
> Heart jumps inside,
> Nerves spring and play.
> My sweet beloved
> Is coming today.
>
> Heart beats out loud,
> Nerves tear and flay.
> My sweet beloved
> Is on her way.
>
> Outside - the rain,
> Heart palpitates.
> I am in pain:
> My beloved is late.
>
> Now all is well,
> And flee the fears,
> And my heart melts:
> My beloved is here.
>

Separation from mother is inevitable. A time comes in every child's life
when mother is needed and is not there. And it is true, this creates
unavoidable anxiety for the child. In minor instances--say, mother is in the
shower and suddenly not available on cue--the anxiety can be easily
relieved. Her return, despite her dripping wet body, makes everything all
right again in baby's world. In more long-term situations, however, the
effects can be enduring. If a weary mom, in an effort to "get away from it
all," goes off on a weekend vacation and leaves her toddler with grandma and
grandpa, her return may not dissolve her child's anxiety.

Often, when a mother does not come back to her child within a few minutes,
the separation becomes traumatic: anxiety builds, turning quickly to
outrage, and the cycle of loss begins. Such a separation can lead to a deep
sense of loss for a child too young to understand the passage of time. In
the child's eyes, mother is not merely absent; she is gone forever.

"Most people think that it does no harm to go away and leave a very young
child, because they feel the baby does not know the difference. This is not
true," says Dr. Lee Salk. "In fact, the opposite is true. The very young
child does know, vividly. Because he has very little concept of 'now' and
'later' a baby does not understand that if you go away you will ultimately
come back... If he cannot see you, you are no longer there; in fact, you
don't exist."

The Emotional Phases of Separation

A young child's experience of prolonged maternal separation gives rise to
profound feelings. Researchers John Bowlby and James Robertson say

these reactions arise sequentially,
in three phases:

(1) protest,
(2) despair, and
(3) detachment.

(1) Protest is exhibited in the child's refusal to accept a maternal
substitute, in tearful and violent crying, and in constant vigilance for the
mother's return. When Emily, at two and a half months of age, realized that
her mother was gone, she began to cry unconsolably, and did not stop until
her mother returned two hours later. According to Emily's father, she was
initially content in his arms but suddenly broke out in anxious, plaintive
wails, which turned eventually to screams of rage. She had become angry, and
no amount of fatherly nurturing could suffice. Wanting and desperately
needing her mother, she had no choice but to protest her absence.

Jamie, having been left with her grandparents for a week while her parents
vacationed, expressed her protest in the more complex behaviors typical of
18 months olds. By the second night of her stay, she had trouble falling
asleep. And her day-time mood, according to her uncle, was "cranky and
stubborn"--another classic reaction of children in protest.

(2) Despair, phase two, is marked by moaning, quiet weeping, and sad facial
expressions.[5] In simpler terms, the child is depressed. As Jamie's stay
with her grandparents wore on, she became increasingly anxious and
despondent. Her play became more constricted; she smiled less and less; and
she spent long periods of time standing around forlornly even though her
41-year-old uncle tried to engage her in numerous activities.

(3) Detachment, the third phase, appears "from several days to about one
week following the onset of separation.... [when] the young child gradually
begins to change in the direction of seemingly unemotional. ... No longer is
there any apparent seeking of the mother..." In effect, the child becomes
apathetic and adopts an "I don't care" attitude. A verbal child may even
come out and say, "I don't need Mommy." The detachment response is a
"shutdown of loving feelings--and it deals with loss in a number of
different ways: It punishes the person for having left. It serves as a
masked expression of rage, for intense and violent hatred is one of the
chief responses to being abandoned. And it also may be a defense--which can
last for hours, or days, or a lifetime--a defense against the agony of ever
loving, and ever losing, again. Absence makes the heart grow frozen, not
fonder."

Fortunately, most children do not reach the detachment phase. Either mother
returns before apathy sets in or the substitute caretaker succeeds in
reducing the severity of detachment through availability and loving care.
Children who do enter this phase act as though they do not recognize mother
upon her return. They will, however, recognize other family members who have
been away for longer periods of time--an observation that attests to the
strong and vital attachment children have with their mothers. From the young
child's viewpoint no one, not even dad, can substitute for mom.

Overcoming the Loss

The effects of prolonged maternal separation may be resolved within a day or
two, or they may carry over into adulthood, producing a long-lasting
influence on personality and behavioral development...

http://www.findarticles.com/p/artic...n64/ai_12338076
http://www.google.com/search?q=sepa...+anxiety+bowlby

http://youtube.com/watch?v=VaMr5TXNZic&search=penguin

ibshambat2004@hotmail.com

2006-04-02, 11:35 am

Brian Fletcher wrote:
> <ibshambat2004@hotmail.com> wrote in message
> news:1143938431.069347.6490@e56g2000cwe.googlegroups.com...
>
> Now, go to where the feelings originate.

And then what?

ibshambat2004@hotmail.com

2006-04-02, 11:35 am

Immortalist wrote:
> Separation from mother is inevitable.

Please. Don't give me this banality. The woman in question is nothing
like my mother, and I value her based on her own unique qualities, as
well as other qualities that are not unique to her but are wonderful
anyway.

Brian Fletcher

2006-04-03, 1:33 am

<ibshambat2004@hotmail.com> wrote in message
news:1143985507.328582.27740@t31g2000cwb.googlegroups.com...
>
> Brian Fletcher wrote:
>
> And then what?

Discover their true nature.

BOfL
>

Brian Fletcher

2006-04-03, 1:33 am

<ibshambat2004@hotmail.com> wrote in message
news:1143985606.678242.40840@j33g2000cwa.googlegroups.com...
>
> Immortalist wrote:
>
> Please. Don't give me this banality. The woman in question is nothing
> like my mother, and I value her based on her own unique qualities, as
> well as other qualities that are not unique to her but are wonderful
> anyway.

Immortalist is not 'banal' by any comparison.

There is a stage we all go through where we try to find what we think we
have lost.

This overlaps with my earlier comments to you.

BOfL

zinnic

2006-04-03, 1:33 am

Brian Fletcher wrote:
> <ibshambat2004@hotmail.com> wrote in message
> news:1143938431.069347.6490@e56g2000cwe.googlegroups.com...
>
> Now, go to where the feelings originate.
>
Brian please don't be so anatomical :-).
"Lust when well refined
Is pure love
And charms all womankind".

Brian Fletcher

2006-04-03, 11:33 am

"zinnic" <zeenric2@gate.net> wrote in message
news:1144033529.393836.310720@u72g2000cwu.googlegroups.com...
>
> Brian Fletcher wrote:
> Brian please don't be so anatomical :-).
> "Lust when well refined
> Is pure love
> And charms all womankind".

Keep looking to the "organs". You will finally run out of places to look.

Then you will 'know'.

BOfL

cagard

2006-04-03, 11:33 am

That is the chemistry of love, also addiction.
It creates a strong need for the object of the love.
It is a part of life - the lovers (tarot ref) is something we all
deal with.
It has its own life cycle in the body and there are ways to shorten
its duration or make it last longer as any system operates by rules.
It is ectasy, also very painful as you said when the love object is
not on time.
II don't like how it causes all the thoughts to be related to the love
object.
But so much for the analytical.
It's great fun and can cause a lot of trouble.
I think the god of love is a bit of a prankster.
Laughing up there, pulling the strings of love.
CAgard.

>Heart jumps inside,
>Nerves spring and play.
>My sweet beloved
>Is coming today.
>
>Heart beats out loud,
>Nerves tear and flay.
>My sweet beloved
>Is on her way.
>
>Outside - the rain,
>Heart palpitates.
>I am in pain:
>My beloved is late.
>
>Now all is well,
>And flee the fears,
>And my heart melts:
>My beloved is here.

Angle

2006-04-03, 1:28 pm

Brian Fletcher skrev:

> <ibshambat2004@hotmail.com> wrote in message
> news:1143985606.678242.40840@j33g2000cwa.googlegroups.com...
>
>
> Immortalist is not 'banal' by any comparison.

He referred to Immortalist's quote as a banality, which is not the same
thing as saying that Immortalist is banal. You are immortalist both
seem to want to correct him in some way. As if he were locked in a
stage of development - with the implicit 'a stage I passed through,
hovering, especially around your posts.

"What you will really feel when you grow up is....." seems to be your
message.

> There is a stage we all go through where we try to find what we think we
> have lost.
>
> This overlaps with my earlier comments to you.
>
> BOfL

Angle

2006-04-03, 1:28 pm

Why do those who believe all is perfection have so much trouble with
those who yearn and feel passionately?

Could it be that they have successfully cut off from their own
intensity and are troubled when it appears in others?

Reduce it quickly to a pschological failure

Make it seem negative

Immortalist

2006-04-03, 6:33 pm

<ibshambat2004@hotmail.com> wrote in message
news:1143985606.678242.40840@j33g2000cwa.googlegroups.com...
>
> Immortalist wrote:
>
> Please. Don't give me this banality. The woman in question is nothing
> like my mother, and I value her based on her own unique qualities, as
> well as other qualities that are not unique to her but are wonderful
> anyway.
>

I didn't. Believe it or not this is where we start on the subject of unions
and reunions. I know what your referring to and it did strike me after I in
a knee jerk fashion referred to "seperation anxiety" which describes how we
come to establish our reactions to various lengths of absence of loved ones.

Brian Fletcher

2006-04-04, 1:35 am

"Angle" <butifyoulookatitthisway@yahoo.com> wrote in message
news:1144086857.543037.319040@u72g2000cwu.googlegroups.com...
>
> Brian Fletcher skrev:
>
>
> He referred to Immortalist's quote as a banality, which is not the same
> thing as saying that Immortalist is banal. You are immortalist both
> seem to want to correct him in some way. As if he were locked in a
> stage of development - with the implicit 'a stage I passed through,
> hovering, especially around your posts.
>
> "What you will really feel when you grow up is....." seems to be your
> message.

Growing up is an ongoing process, so I only give out what I love to receive,
but I do understand why you re worded what I'm saying. Such is the subtlety
of semantics.

If they appear to react, then there is growth going on within them. Life as
a catalyst, I find very rewarding.

BOfL
>
>

Brian Fletcher

2006-04-04, 1:35 am

"Angle" <butifyoulookatitthisway@yahoo.com> wrote in message
news:1144087258.797902.255220@g10g2000cwb.googlegroups.com...
> Why do those who believe all is perfection have so much trouble with
> those who yearn and feel passionately?

When one understands the "rites of passage", only empathy results
>
> Could it be that they have successfully cut off from their own
> intensity and are troubled when it appears in others?

Some have, but they are only delaying.
>
> Reduce it quickly to a pschological failure
>
> Make it seem negative

Positive and negative are best seen as an ever shortening pendulum, taking
us each closer to the 'pivot point'.

BOfL
>

ilya_shambat2004@yahoo.com

2006-04-05, 6:31 pm

Immortalist wrote:
> <ibshambat2004@hotmail.com> wrote in message
> news:1143985606.678242.40840@j33g2000cwa.googlegroups.com...
> I didn't. Believe it or not this is where we start on the subject of unions
> and reunions. I know what your referring to and it did strike me after I in
> a knee jerk fashion referred to "seperation anxiety" which describes how we
> come to establish our reactions to various lengths of absence of loved ones.

No problem. I find that separation from loved ones can go any way,
sometimes increasing the bond and sometimes reducing it and sometimes
doing both in different ways.

I take issue with ideologies that portray beautiful things in ugly
terms. I generally don't see you do that, but you appeared to in that
post.