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Home > Archive > Herpes support > July 2006 > Herpes Relationship Question (PLEASE HELP)
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Herpes Relationship Question (PLEASE HELP)
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| How can I have a long term relationship with someone that has Herpes? I do
not have Herpes, but she does, and I have alot of feelings for her, I cant
just walk away and let her bite the dust. Im really desperate to find out
information helping those who do not have Herpes explaining how to have a
long term relationship with someone that does. Please, help me.
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| We need a lot more information in order to help you out.
First, have you ever had a herpes blood test? Herpes tests are not included
on standard std tests. And most people with herpes don't ever show
symptoms. So, before you get too intent on figuring out how not to get
herpes, make sure you don't have it first.
Have you ever had a cold sore or fever blister?
Does your girlfriend have type 1 or type 2 herpes? I'm assuming she has
genital herpes, but genital herpes can be either type. The type is
important to know because type 2 is far easier to spread genital to genital
than type 1 is. However, type 1 is easier to spread through oral sex.
So, once you get the answers to those questions, we can move a bit further
forward.
Your girlfriend can go on suppressive therapy with Valtrex and that is the
best way to cut down on transmission. Though, she will still be contagious,
the amount of time she is contagious will be cut down. You can offer to pay
for half the price of the meds because they can get costly.
Herpes requires skin to skin contact to spread and soap and water kill it.
Use condoms, don't have sex when she is experiencing an outbreak, etc.
Take care,
ar
"M.D." <delanuel@bellsouth.net> wrote in message
news:kQ6vg.15806$cu1.6961@bignews3.bellsouth.net...
> How can I have a long term relationship with someone that has Herpes? I
> do not have Herpes, but she does, and I have alot of feelings for her, I
> cant just walk away and let her bite the dust. Im really desperate to
> find out information helping those who do not have Herpes explaining how
> to have a long term relationship with someone that does. Please, help me.
>
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| Tim Fitzmaurice 2006-07-19, 8:25 am |
| On Tue, 18 Jul 2006, M.D. wrote:
> How can I have a long term relationship with someone that has Herpes?
Pretty much the same way as you for any long term relationship with
anybody.
You decide whether your perceived positive features are more important
than your perceived negative features and is it enough to go for it.
At the moment I get the impression that for you the percieved negatives
associate with herpes seem to be problematic for you.
I would suggest that the best thing to do is for you to talk about what
worries you here, even down to stuff you think must be absolutely flamin
obvious. What is it about your potential partner and herpes that worries
you.
Once you put that out we can see how accurate your knowledge is about
herpes and correct it if necessary, which may adjust that relationship
equation without changing anything other than your understanding
(Inaccurate information id probably the biggest problem to end
relationships). We can also fill in blanks that you might have, things you
dont know, numbrrs and figures - those give you the information you need
to fit that equation. Thirdly for those bits where you do know whats going
on people here in the same situation, on either side of the fence, can
explain how they deal with it - several are in precisely this situation
and probably more people than you know are in the situation too.
It boils down to How much do you want this person in your life, what are
you prepared to accept for the benefit of having this person around and
while you struggle to that decision how much do you actually know thats
right in what you think herpes will mean in the relationship.
Some basic info, a Herpes 101 if you will - these are simplistic and
generally there is a lot more discussion to get full context but they are
basic snippets to work with:
Genital herpes describes a disease, not a disease agent. THere is a difference.
The disease agents we will talk about are HSV1 and HSV2.
HSV1 is classically associated with oro-facial herpes also known as cold
sores or fever blister. HSV2 is classically associated with genital
herpes. However these days in the US and most of Europe about 1 in 3 new
cases of genital herpes are in fact HSV1 not HSV2. Infection in one site
doesnt necessarily mean infection anywhere else.
HSV1 infects around 70% of the US adult population, HSV2 about 22%. That
takes no account of site of infection.
All the above infected could pass the virus on to someone else, and yes
it is a lifelong infection.
About 80-90% of infected people don't know it and assume they are
completely clean and no risk to anyone.
You don't need active visible lesions to pass the virus on - this is due
to asymptomatic shedding of virus.
In a discordant couple (one where one is infected and the other not) the
chance of transmission is worked out at about 5-10% chance per year -
uninfected women tend to be at the higher end of that risk rate,
uninfected men at the lower end. Thats transmission of the virus, not
whether that means disease lesions. This assumed a) monogamy, b) avoiding
sex during active outbreaks.
Other herpesviruses and their infection rates include Epstein Barr (90%+
of adults), Varicella Zoster virus (around 90% of adults) which causes
chickenpox and shingles. THere are 5 other human herpesviruses but those 2
are the ones people are likely to have heard of.
A number of drugs exist to treat lesions and relieve the problems
associated with getting active outbreaks.
Some drugs are licensed for suppressive therapy, this means the person
takes them continuously. This has been shown to cut the rate of
transmission to an uninfected partner by about a half. Condoms do the same
from memory (Ill have to check that).
So I guess the question is how much of that is new to you? How much of it
generates new questions (ask them)? Did any of it affect what you think of
the potential partner and why?
Fairly personal I know...but the help request is on fairly personal
areas...
Tim
--
When playing rugby, its not the winning that counts, but the taking apart
ICQ: 5178568
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| Yoshi2me 2006-07-19, 8:25 am |
| http://www.yoshi2me.com/herpes-telling.html
Hope that helps,
Angela 
--
"By opening up to a partner and talking about an STD diagnosis you are
showing that you respect and care about yourself as well as the other
person."
Herpes Help
http://yoshi2me.com/index.html
Shut Up & Post!
http://yoshi2me.com/phpbb/index.php
Herpes Blog
http://herpes-help.blogspot.com/
"M.D." <delanuel@bellsouth.net> wrote in message
news:kQ6vg.15806$cu1.6961@bignews3.bellsouth.net...
> How can I have a long term relationship with someone that has Herpes? I
> do not have Herpes, but she does, and I have alot of feelings for her, I
> cant just walk away and let her bite the dust. Im really desperate to
> find out information helping those who do not have Herpes explaining how
> to have a long term relationship with someone that does. Please, help me.
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