Alzheimers support - Adjustment period?

Author

Adjustment period?

Dana Carpender

2006-08-16, 9:23 pm

Mom has been in her group home for just three days now. Apparently she
was pretty good yesterday -- still confused, and pretty heavily drugged,
but seemed to be making friends with other residents, and giving and
getting a lot of hugs. But today she's back to being angry, and trying
to escape, and calling for "John" to come save her (which could be my
brother or my Dad, but either way is heartbreaking.)

Those of you who have walked this path before me, can you give me even a
vague idea of how long adjustment might take? Any words of en- or dis-
couragement?

We're very much hoping Mom can stay in the group home. The caregivers
seem kind and competent, and our experience with Collwood was *not*
salutary.

Dana

Beth Heimlich

2006-08-17, 2:25 am

>>... idea of how long adjustment might take?<<
Dana, Like AD itself, everyone is going to be different. It depends so
much on what is working and how far along they are. Not everyone is at
the same level when they go into a group home or other facility. Even
following the staging is only a guide, they're each very individual.
The reality that has helped me the most is that only "this" moment has
meaning. It may be influenced by what just happened -or not. The
on-off switch is truly unpredictable after their environment
changes....but gradually you can look forward to a lessening of the
troublesome behaviors. Also what helped-even though it is difficult to
do-is play politician and don't answer the questions or react to their
acting up. Distract, distract, distract and redirect. And if that
doesn't help-either leave (if you're getting upset) or try just sitting
down someplace and becoming inert. It is an eye-opening experience to
just sit there and watch. I did that when my MIL insisted I take her to
her mother. She left in a huff to find the way herself- and in the
process was distracted by another resident asking where the money was.
They each had their own "story" to play out over and over. Sometimes I
would just agree---yep, we have to get gas in the car so we can go see
your mother. Another time, around Halloween she asked me if I'd brought
my car so we could drive to her mother and I told her no, I'd brought my
broom and there wasn't room for her. She accepted it as fact and
changed the topic herself. I did find during this time (she did not
know who I was, just someone who knew her) that she got very upset if I
interacted with other residents or talked with the help. Thus, what
worked was to just sit down and fade into the woodwork.

To answer your question, we went away for 2 weeks immediately after
placing her(already had had a respite stay 2 months before) and when I
came back she did not know who I was and thought she'd always been
there. No clue of living with us a year or in California for 40 years.
It was all pretty much gone. Sad.....but now 4 years later it is home
to her and she cannot comprehend anything away from there.

Best wishes. It's hard to go thru, but hang in there.
Beth in Maryland

Susan Kohn

2006-08-17, 2:25 am

The research has shown that it can take 3 months (maybe more for an AD
resident) to adjust to a new placement -- it's just going to take time and
patience for her to adjust to her new surroundings -- if the people who are
working in the group home are experienced with new residents -- which I
imagine they are -- they will be patient with her while she adjusts. In the
meantime, all of you are adjusting too!

Susan

--
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
see my website at: www.susansfunplace.com
"Beth Heimlich" <bethheimlich11@comcast.net> wrote in message
news:eb2dnVIeCo7QRX7ZnZ2dnUVZ_oWdnZ2d@comcast.com...
> Dana, Like AD itself, everyone is going to be different. It depends so
> much on what is working and how far along they are. Not everyone is at
> the same level when they go into a group home or other facility. Even
> following the staging is only a guide, they're each very individual. The
> reality that has helped me the most is that only "this" moment has
> meaning. It may be influenced by what just happened -or not. The on-off
> switch is truly unpredictable after their environment changes....but
> gradually you can look forward to a lessening of the troublesome
> behaviors. Also what helped-even though it is difficult to do-is play
> politician and don't answer the questions or react to their acting up.
> Distract, distract, distract and redirect. And if that doesn't
> help-either leave (if you're getting upset) or try just sitting down
> someplace and becoming inert. It is an eye-opening experience to just sit
> there and watch. I did that when my MIL insisted I take her to her
> mother. She left in a huff to find the way herself- and in the process
> was distracted by another resident asking where the money was. They each
> had their own "story" to play out over and over. Sometimes I would just
> agree---yep, we have to get gas in the car so we can go see your mother.
> Another time, around Halloween she asked me if I'd brought my car so we
> could drive to her mother and I told her no, I'd brought my broom and
> there wasn't room for her. She accepted it as fact and changed the topic
> herself. I did find during this time (she did not know who I was, just
> someone who knew her) that she got very upset if I interacted with other
> residents or talked with the help. Thus, what worked was to just sit down
> and fade into the woodwork.
>
> To answer your question, we went away for 2 weeks immediately after
> placing her(already had had a respite stay 2 months before) and when I
> came back she did not know who I was and thought she'd always been there.
> No clue of living with us a year or in California for 40 years. It was all
> pretty much gone. Sad.....but now 4 years later it is home to her and she
> cannot comprehend anything away from there.
>
> Best wishes. It's hard to go thru, but hang in there.
> Beth in Maryland

Tumbleweed

2006-08-17, 4:26 pm

"Dana Carpender" <dcarpend@kivanospam.net> wrote in message
news:i--dnWPiSuZOJ37ZnZ2dnUVZ_vKdnZ2d@insightbb.com...
> Mom has been in her group home for just three days now. Apparently she
> was pretty good yesterday -- still confused, and pretty heavily drugged,
> but seemed to be making friends with other residents, and giving and
> getting a lot of hugs. But today she's back to being angry, and trying to
> escape, and calling for "John" to come save her (which could be my brother
> or my Dad, but either way is heartbreaking.)
>
> Those of you who have walked this path before me, can you give me even a
> vague idea of how long adjustment might take? Any words of en- or dis-
> couragement?
>

Took my dad 2 weeks before he stopped trying to escape, that included him
ahving to be sedated several times.YMMV.

Words of encouragement? Whats the alternative? This is the least worst
thing you can do, stick with it.

--
Tumbleweed

email replies not necessary but to contact use;
tumbleweednews at hotmail dot com

Tumbleweed

2006-08-17, 4:26 pm

"Tumbleweed" <thisaccountneverread@yahoo.com> wrote in message
news:4kjdn9Fc0ro0U1@individual.net...
>
> "Dana Carpender" <dcarpend@kivanospam.net> wrote in message
> news:i--dnWPiSuZOJ37ZnZ2dnUVZ_vKdnZ2d@insightbb.com...
>
> Took my dad 2 weeks before he stopped trying to escape, that included him
> having to be sedated several times.YMMV.
>

I should add to that, it took another year -18 months before he stopped
asking when he was going home, eg for that long he knew he didnt 'belong
there'. That isnt the case any longer, indeed sometimes he doesn't even like
to go outside.

--
Tumbleweed

email replies not necessary but to contact use;
tumbleweednews at hotmail dot com

meg

2006-08-17, 4:26 pm

Everyone is different. My mother has been in her memory care for 9
months. She has been pretty miserable there and after 5 months, has
started to ask to go "home". "Home" really means pre-alzheimer's. The
only thing that has alieviated my mothers anxiety, depression, fear and
anger is medication, Zoloft and Seroquel.

Dana Carpender wrote:
> Mom has been in her group home for just three days now. Apparently she
> was pretty good yesterday -- still confused, and pretty heavily drugged,
> but seemed to be making friends with other residents, and giving and
> getting a lot of hugs. But today she's back to being angry, and trying
> to escape, and calling for "John" to come save her (which could be my
> brother or my Dad, but either way is heartbreaking.)
>
> Those of you who have walked this path before me, can you give me even a
> vague idea of how long adjustment might take? Any words of en- or dis-
> couragement?
>
> We're very much hoping Mom can stay in the group home. The caregivers
> seem kind and competent, and our experience with Collwood was *not*
> salutary.
>
> Dana

Mary_Gordon@tvo.org

2006-08-17, 4:26 pm

My MIL wasn't thrilled with her assisted living placement, but she was
in free fall by the time she went there and just had so little memory
left she just couldn't remember things like the fact there were all
kinds of in house services available to her. For example, in house
banking, a very good tuck shop, and a kitchenette on each floor that
was always stocked 24/7 with every kind of beverage and snack she could
want. She'd fret and fret about minor things and any time you reminded
her she could get her hair done downstairs, or buy a hairbrush at the
tuckshop, or have cookies and a cup of tea at midnight - she'd react
like it was totally new information to her.

No wonder she had trouble adapting - her anxiety levels were related to
just not really knowing what was going on, or where she was - and I
suspect she might have been the same if she was home, since she'd also
forgotten how to work appliances, use locks, etc. etc.

Her ability to tell time was so messed up that she became completely
paranoid about meals. Even in the assisted living facility, staff did
go get her to make sure she didn't miss meals, but she got so worried,
she'd go sit in her chair for a long period of time before the meal was
served. We'd go there at 11 in the morning, and there she'd be, sitting
all alone in the dining hall, afraid to leave her chair in case she
missed lunch.

When she moved to the locked AD ward, she was even more lost, but
didn't even realize she'd moved - she was that oblivious to the
surroundings that she didn't know it was an entirely different place.

M

ladylove77

2006-08-17, 4:26 pm

Mary, your MIL's feelings about missing a meal remind me of my FIL. He was
living with his youngest son and Ray would get up and feed Dad his breakfast
first every morning. Then he would sit in front of the TV to eat his
breakfast. One morning Dad walked by while he was eating and asked, "What
do I have to do around here to get something to eat?" not realizing that he
had just finished breakfast a few minutes before.
Gwen

<Mary_Gordon@tvo.org> wrote in message
news:1155839042.803536.128430@m73g2000cwd.googlegroups.com...
> My MIL wasn't thrilled with her assisted living placement, but she was
> in free fall by the time she went there and just had so little memory
> left she just couldn't remember things like the fact there were all
> kinds of in house services available to her. For example, in house
> banking, a very good tuck shop, and a kitchenette on each floor that
> was always stocked 24/7 with every kind of beverage and snack she could
> want. She'd fret and fret about minor things and any time you reminded
> her she could get her hair done downstairs, or buy a hairbrush at the
> tuckshop, or have cookies and a cup of tea at midnight - she'd react
> like it was totally new information to her.
>
> No wonder she had trouble adapting - her anxiety levels were related to
> just not really knowing what was going on, or where she was - and I
> suspect she might have been the same if she was home, since she'd also
> forgotten how to work appliances, use locks, etc. etc.
>
> Her ability to tell time was so messed up that she became completely
> paranoid about meals. Even in the assisted living facility, staff did
> go get her to make sure she didn't miss meals, but she got so worried,
> she'd go sit in her chair for a long period of time before the meal was
> served. We'd go there at 11 in the morning, and there she'd be, sitting
> all alone in the dining hall, afraid to leave her chair in case she
> missed lunch.
>
> When she moved to the locked AD ward, she was even more lost, but
> didn't even realize she'd moved - she was that oblivious to the
> surroundings that she didn't know it was an entirely different place.
>
> M
>

Alan Meyer

2006-08-17, 4:26 pm

You've gotten great replies and suggestions from everyone.

My Mom was frantic for about three weeks after her placement.
After that, and for as long as she was still able to talk, she
continued ask us to take her out. Each time we took her
out for lunch or dinner or to see family, she complained about
going back and made a fuss at the door. But she was never
frantic again and was not unmanageable.

I really like Beth's suggestions for how to deal with it.
Also, just giving your Mom emotional support will help
get both of you through it.

Good luck.

Alan

Chuck Whealton

2006-08-17, 9:26 pm

Dana Carpender wrote:
> Mom has been in her group home for just three days now. Apparently she
> was pretty good yesterday -- still confused, and pretty heavily drugged,
> but seemed to be making friends with other residents, and giving and
> getting a lot of hugs. But today she's back to being angry, and trying
> to escape, and calling for "John" to come save her (which could be my
> brother or my Dad, but either way is heartbreaking.)
>
> Those of you who have walked this path before me, can you give me even a
> vague idea of how long adjustment might take? Any words of en- or dis-
> couragement?
>
> We're very much hoping Mom can stay in the group home. The caregivers
> seem kind and competent, and our experience with Collwood was *not*
> salutary.
>
> Dana

Dana, just curious... Is your Mom on the Xyprexa that I believe you
mentioned she would be on? As people have mentioned it's different for
everybody.

In the case of my Aunt who suffered from alzheimers, I believe it was
basically a matter of weeks that she kept asking when she could go
home. She spiraled down hill so fast, I had never seen anything like
it. That may be why it was only 2 or 3 weeks (to the best of my own
memory) until she stopped asking.

My Uncle who had pics disease fought tooth and nail and was great at
fooling doctors. Finally, they got him into his group home and I think
after the right mixture of medication and several weeks, he knew he was
there to stay and also stopped asking.

Unfortunately, it's never happy. You already know that now. I'm just
going to hope that the people running the group home manage to get you
some good news. That's the best you can hope for. It's draining and
it leaves you feeling powerless.

As somebody mentioned, the people running the home have probably dealt
with this before.

Best of luck...

Charles R. Whealton
Charles Whealton @ pleasedontspam.com