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It's always something....
|
|
| Florence A 2005-12-13, 12:58 am |
| I got a call fro AL facility today. They set up an emergency
appointment with (psych) DR for tomorrow. He was going to eat
someone,s food who also eats at his table. I couldn't get all the
details over the phone , It sounded as though they protested and an aid
got into it and he went at them with his fork..Thiis is the 2nd incedent
in the dining room.
About 2 months ago he drank someones' juice..
I hope to get more details tomorrow. This was not taken lightly.
I don't know what sets him off. He swung at an aid one other time. He
is on Respiadol(sp) and seems happy enough ..
Sings , walks around. Kind of knows me,sometimes. I can't figure why he
is still continent but just can't find the toilet.
I plan on asking the Dr that "she" suggest he eat alone, perhaps by a
window. to draw his attenion to the birds outdoors.
I wonder if there is too much action with all eating together.
The manager & RN want a family meeting Wed. This has me upset,,, I
loathe to think of changiing places. And I do believe if they think
they found a solution so much the better.
If anyone has dealt with a similar situation please advise any
solution..
I always take him to the dr and found her to be very nice---easy to talk
with.
Florence
| |
| Gwen Love 2005-12-13, 12:58 am |
| Florence, I hope you will find an answer to the problem, and it won't be as
bad as you are dreading it to be!
Gwen
"Florence A" <smada@webtv.net> wrote in message
news:8753-439E3D0D-327@storefull-3315.bay.webtv.net...
>I got a call fro AL facility today. They set up an emergency
> appointment with (psych) DR for tomorrow. He was going to eat
> someone,s food who also eats at his table. I couldn't get all the
> details over the phone , It sounded as though they protested and an aid
> got into it and he went at them with his fork..Thiis is the 2nd incedent
> in the dining room.
> About 2 months ago he drank someones' juice..
> I hope to get more details tomorrow. This was not taken lightly.
> I don't know what sets him off. He swung at an aid one other time. He
> is on Respiadol(sp) and seems happy enough ..
> Sings , walks around. Kind of knows me,sometimes. I can't figure why he
> is still continent but just can't find the toilet.
>
> I plan on asking the Dr that "she" suggest he eat alone, perhaps by a
> window. to draw his attenion to the birds outdoors.
> I wonder if there is too much action with all eating together.
> The manager & RN want a family meeting Wed. This has me upset,,, I
> loathe to think of changiing places. And I do believe if they think
> they found a solution so much the better.
> If anyone has dealt with a similar situation please advise any
> solution..
>
> I always take him to the dr and found her to be very nice---easy to talk
> with.
>
> Florence
>
| |
| MaryD 2005-12-13, 12:58 am |
|
"Florence A" <smada@webtv.net> wrote in message
news:8753-439E3D0D-327@storefull-3315.bay.webtv.net...
>I got a call fro AL facility today. They set up an emergency
> appointment with (psych) DR for tomorrow. He was going to eat
> someone,s food who also eats at his table. I couldn't get all the
> details over the phone , It sounded as though they protested and an aid
> got into it and he went at them with his fork..Thiis is the 2nd incedent
> in the dining room.
> About 2 months ago he drank someones' juice..
> I hope to get more details tomorrow. This was not taken lightly.
> I don't know what sets him off. He swung at an aid one other time.
>
> I plan on asking the Dr that "she" suggest he eat alone, perhaps by a
> window. to draw his attenion to the birds outdoors.
> I wonder if there is too much action with all eating together.
Florence, you hit the nail on the head. He is obviously confused by the
commotion in the dining area - and he reacts to things like the aid
intervening and people trying to take food away in the exact same manner
that any of us would if some stranger was getting in our face trying to take
food away.
It would be great if he could eat in a more peaceful area of the facility -
suffest that to the director and the RN - hopefully the three of you can
work something out.
BTW, am I correct in remembering that your husband is in a facility in
Northern NJ? I live in this area, so if you'd like to email me privately, I
can let you know if I have any insight specific to your ALF. 
MaryD - m l daikos@ optonline . net
Certfied Dementia Practitioner
Director, NJ Alzheimer's Adult Day Care
| |
| michelle 2005-12-13, 11:00 am |
| I am a carer and have seen this situation many times,I agree with you
Florence and Mary D that the commotion over this happening would just
add to your fathers frustration and make him angry. As to him he is
doing nothing wrong.
Is he trying to eat someone elses food when he has eaten his own?
Similarly with the drink.If so perhaps he is still hungry.I realise
this still isnt an acceptable reason for showing aggression but still
something to consider.In the home I work in we have to assess this
challenging behaviour and apply interventions that may improve the
situation before any major change is implemented
Risperdal. do these meds need adjusting?
| |
| Evelyn Ruut 2005-12-13, 11:00 am |
| "Florence A" <smada@webtv.net> wrote in message
news:8753-439E3D0D-327@storefull-3315.bay.webtv.net...
>I got a call fro AL facility today. They set up an emergency
> appointment with (psych) DR for tomorrow. He was going to eat
> someone,s food who also eats at his table. I couldn't get all the
> details over the phone , It sounded as though they protested and an aid
> got into it and he went at them with his fork..Thiis is the 2nd incedent
> in the dining room.
> About 2 months ago he drank someones' juice..
> I hope to get more details tomorrow. This was not taken lightly.
> I don't know what sets him off. He swung at an aid one other time. He
> is on Respiadol(sp) and seems happy enough ..
> Sings , walks around. Kind of knows me,sometimes. I can't figure why he
> is still continent but just can't find the toilet.
>
> I plan on asking the Dr that "she" suggest he eat alone, perhaps by a
> window. to draw his attenion to the birds outdoors.
> I wonder if there is too much action with all eating together.
> The manager & RN want a family meeting Wed. This has me upset,,, I
> loathe to think of changiing places. And I do believe if they think
> they found a solution so much the better.
> If anyone has dealt with a similar situation please advise any
> solution..
>
> I always take him to the dr and found her to be very nice---easy to talk
> with.
>
> Florence
Hi Florence, too bad he wasn't sitting next to our Ida! She had the
opposite problem of giving all her food away all the time! She'd offer
this or that to anyone. Anyway, I think they ought to have him sit at a
separate table, perhaps like you say, near the window. Sometimes the
simplest solution is the best.
--
Best Regards,
Evelyn
(to reply to me personally, remove 'sox')
| |
| Florence A 2005-12-13, 11:00 am |
| I am assuming he must see the Dr to have the meds adjusted.
The AL facility usually sends an aid with the patient if a family member
cannot make the appt. It seems to be the accepted way. However, I kind
of imply I want to be there and so they accommodate.---though I must
say---I think all real discussions have already been done over the
phone. It's probably a CYA thing.
I insert myself into the whole thing. Perhaps this is not a good thing.
I feel dammed if you do, dammed if you don't.
My husband has always been such a nice guy. The kids are planning on
being at the "family" meeting tomorrow. They just don't believe this.
I hope this too shall pass (quickly Dear Lord) I cannot allow myself a
pity party. Though I must admit it's very tempting at times...
I hope I am making a big deal out of nothing. Will let you know.
Florence
| |
| Mary_Gordon@tvo.org 2005-12-13, 12:54 pm |
| My mother in law got to the point where she ate alone, sitting at a
card table, on the ward - they brought her meal up on a tray. Going
down to the bustling dining hall with all the action and noise got to
be too much for her. She had been eating sitting at a large table with
several other residents - and the dining hall itself must have held 100
people at a sitting.
With her, it wasn't just the agitation, it was distraction so she
wouldn't eat. She did better sitting quietly by herself in terms of
getting food into her.
If you really want to know, sounds like maybe the aid mishandled
things. I've been reading some of Dr. Reisbergs recent work - I think
he may be on to something. He describes the progress of AD as
"retrogenesis" in that as the illness progresses, the person really
does get decontructed in a similar but opposite order to their
childhood development. He feels that many problems of AD could be
better addressed with the kind of emotional response one would show a
child of a similar stage, and that many of the emotional outbursts and
even the withdrawal, are because the person's emotional needs are not
recognized or addressed.
I don't know what stage your hubbie is at, Florence, but say he is
similar in capabilities and emotions to a preschooler. He might get
confused and try to eat from a plate that wasn't his. He's hungry, he
doesn't understand why he's being yelled at and confronted, he feels
threatened - and he responds in kind. As a parent, if the situation was
happening at YOUR house, you would be soothing, diverting, distracting,
cajoling, finding a way to solve it that wouldn't be overwhelming and
upsetting for the people at the table and keep it from escalating. My
kids certainly were more than capable of spectacular tantrums when they
were smaller over food and eating if they were thwarted and then made
upset by confrontation and yelling.
Perhaps the way the food was laid out was confusing - i.e. if the seats
could be arranged so other plates and cups are not close to his - just
leave a little more space between him and his table mates, or maybe he
could be on the end of a long table so there is only one plate in front
of him.
I can see why they would get upset with him threating someone with an
implement, but I do think they could handle this better and more
creatively to avoid a recurrence. Have they even tried to amend the
seating arrangement? Simple thing to try out and might solve the
problem.
Mary G.
| |
| Gwen Love 2005-12-13, 6:00 pm |
| Florence, you are absolutely right to be involved in anything concerning
your husband. And certainly no one should object. I just hope all goes
well today with you and the children at the meeting.
Gwen
"Florence A" <smada@webtv.net> wrote in message
news:11323-439ED4C8-453@storefull-3312.bay.webtv.net...
>I am assuming he must see the Dr to have the meds adjusted.
>
> The AL facility usually sends an aid with the patient if a family member
> cannot make the appt. It seems to be the accepted way. However, I kind
> of imply I want to be there and so they accommodate.---though I must
> say---I think all real discussions have already been done over the
> phone. It's probably a CYA thing.
>
> I insert myself into the whole thing. Perhaps this is not a good thing.
> I feel dammed if you do, dammed if you don't.
>
> My husband has always been such a nice guy. The kids are planning on
> being at the "family" meeting tomorrow. They just don't believe this.
> I hope this too shall pass (quickly Dear Lord) I cannot allow myself a
> pity party. Though I must admit it's very tempting at times...
>
> I hope I am making a big deal out of nothing. Will let you know.
>
> Florence
>
| |
| Florence A 2005-12-14, 1:03 am |
| Thanks so much for all your responses.
I needed the boosts.
They believe as I do, Don just can't handle the chatter & confusion in
the dining room. Add also: the AD is worsening.and he's not able to
express his needs. He eats very fast. I don't think he is hungry---but
truly frustrated looking for words he can't remember. I try not to
think of these things---
I pushed a bit about this family conference. What were we to discuss?
My son and daughter would have to take off work etc.
It boiled down to the need to move Don to another room. He is the
only one in the double room..He has been in this room since entering the
place which originally was for respite..I liked the room because it was
right across from the common room, (not much chance of getting lost). My
guess is they may be expecting respiite guests.& I might object.
Talk about a mountain out of a mole hill...sheesh. and I had such a
bad night.
I wish this Christmas time was over--not much fun anymore.. whoops,
slipping into my "pity party" mood.
I do feel much better today. Again Friends ---thanks for listening
Sincerely,
Florence
| |
| michelle 2005-12-14, 1:04 am |
| I know how you feel "pity party mood "that is you have your good days
and your bad
regards Michelle
| |
| Florence A 2005-12-14, 10:58 am |
| I think to me"pity party" means just feeling sorry for myself. Family &
friends have heard it all,,,had enough..... even I have had enough
...sort of like running out of tears.
Time for some levity or action. Wish I had energy to build a chicken
coop (envious obviously) or go dancing.....even discus the world
problems........Where did it all go?...I missed the brass ring.
In the beginning of this journey I would write these things but never
hit the send button. I realize it is what it is---just do your best
etc.
I've gotten thru a lot of "crap" with the aid of this group.. found pity
parties don't work. (guess they have their place) BUT, they suck.----
hope this doesn't offend
| |
| Evelyn Ruut 2005-12-14, 10:58 am |
| "Florence A" <smada@webtv.net> wrote in message
news:3348-43A03BD4-13@storefull-3317.bay.webtv.net...
>I think to me"pity party" means just feeling sorry for myself. Family &
> friends have heard it all,,,had enough..... even I have had enough
> ..sort of like running out of tears.
>
> Time for some levity or action. Wish I had energy to build a chicken
> coop (envious obviously) or go dancing.....even discus the world
> problems........Where did it all go?...I missed the brass ring.
>
> In the beginning of this journey I would write these things but never
> hit the send button. I realize it is what it is---just do your best
> etc.
>
> I've gotten thru a lot of "crap" with the aid of this group.. found pity
> parties don't work. (guess they have their place) BUT, they suck.----
> hope this doesn't offend
Hi Florence,
Caregiver depression is VERY real and it lasts even after you aren't the one
doing the main part of caregiving. I know. Believe me, I do know.
A lot of it has to do with this time of year too. That has been
scientifically proven, you know?....
How to beat it? Do something physical. Get moving and get out of the
house a bit. Even if it is just to go shopping and buy the ingredients to
make a nice pot of soup to warm your bones in this nasty cold weather.
(we are having zero degree fahrenheit weather in this area of the USA this
past few days)
Also, turn on the lights. Limited sunlight can bring on depression. In
scandinavian countries they actually have special treatment rooms with very
bright lights just to sit in for a few minutes at a time, to treat that kind
of depression.
It may not cure the pity-party-blues, but it helps a little bit.
{{{{{{{{{ Florence }}}}}}}}}
big hugs :-)
Now I am going to go and take my own advice too :-)
--
Best Regards,
Evelyn
(to reply to me personally, remove 'sox')
| |
|
| My favorite quick cure is to plug in my halogen worklamp -- talk about
bright white light! It's probably not the full spectrum like the pricey
versions but bright light always makes me feel better. Everyone tries to
keep the energy bills down, but dim light doesn't make anyone feel better
(okay, with a few recreational exceptions :-).
Karen
"Evelyn Ruut" <mama-lionsox@hvc.rr.com> wrote in message
news:NUXnf.7702$i1.1876@news-wrt-01.rdc-nyc.rr.com...
> Hi Florence,
>
> Caregiver depression is VERY real and it lasts even after you aren't the
one
> doing the main part of caregiving. I know. Believe me, I do know.
>
> A lot of it has to do with this time of year too. That has been
> scientifically proven, you know?....
>
> How to beat it? Do something physical. Get moving and get out of the
> house a bit. Even if it is just to go shopping and buy the ingredients
to
> make a nice pot of soup to warm your bones in this nasty cold weather.
>
> (we are having zero degree fahrenheit weather in this area of the USA this
> past few days)
>
> Also, turn on the lights. Limited sunlight can bring on depression. In
> scandinavian countries they actually have special treatment rooms with
very
> bright lights just to sit in for a few minutes at a time, to treat that
kind
> of depression.
>
> It may not cure the pity-party-blues, but it helps a little bit.
>
> {{{{{{{{{ Florence }}}}}}}}}
>
> big hugs :-)
>
> Now I am going to go and take my own advice too :-)
> --
>
>
> Best Regards,
> Evelyn
>
> (to reply to me personally, remove 'sox')
>
>
| |
| Beth Cole 2005-12-15, 1:00 am |
| Karen wrote:
> My favorite quick cure is to plug in my halogen worklamp -- talk about
> bright white light! It's probably not the full spectrum like the pricey
> versions but bright light always makes me feel better. Everyone tries to
> keep the energy bills down, but dim light doesn't make anyone feel better
> (okay, with a few recreational exceptions :-).
Another cheapy solution is to get a grow-lamp bulb that you would use to
give "sunlight" to houseplants during the winter, or to start seeds to
be planted as seedlings. They often can fit in to the sockets of cheap
clip-on lamps, so the whole setup isn't terribly expensive.
Beth
--
Evolution takes no prisoners. -- Mandy, "The Grim Adventures of Billy &
Mandy"
| |
| carolinasongbird@gmail.com 2005-12-15, 10:57 am |
| RIght now it is 32 degrees outside, raining heavily, with a nice
coating of ice on everything (other than the roads, thank heavens). So
I have FOUR lamps on in my office, peppy music going and an
aromatherapy candle lit. There is more than one way to fight the
"Forces of Darkness"!
Songbird
| |
| Florence A 2005-12-15, 10:57 am |
| As I sit here now ,the sun is gloriously bright shining on the snow.
Hoping the results will be no disparaging remarks to anyone.from
me------though it is tempting at times..
I believe Anthony is terribly angry at his situation and he wants us to
realise----it's not him, he's different. Most of us are caretakers and
cannot have his take on AD from his angle. Anthony , most of the hands
on caretakers (at times) also wonder, What's next ? ill it be me? have I
lost it?
There is another discussion group which comes up on WEBTV. I believe
most who post there have AD--could be wrong---
Anyway...They seem a happy enough group...are quite flippant & kind of
playful about their deficits. I pop in there on occasion to see how
most of them are getting along.. I just went there to get the address
in case anyone is interested. You used o have to join but I tried to
post today and that requirement seems to have disappeared.
alt.discuss.clubs.private.bandaid8622
that's all I know---
| |
| Evelyn Ruut 2005-12-15, 5:58 pm |
| <carolinasongbird@gmail.com> wrote in message
news:1134658132.273212.180010@o13g2000cwo.googlegroups.com...
> RIght now it is 32 degrees outside, raining heavily, with a nice
> coating of ice on everything (other than the roads, thank heavens). So
> I have FOUR lamps on in my office, peppy music going and an
> aromatherapy candle lit. There is more than one way to fight the
> "Forces of Darkness"!
>
> Songbird
:-D!
We have near zero temps around here.
I'm staying in too!
--
Best Regards,
Evelyn
(to reply to me personally, remove 'sox')
| |
|
| can I join in your pity party just for a few hours? ;-)
It sounds like you are doing what you can to make things calmer for him. I
hope it helps
LJ
"Florence A" <smada@webtv.net> wrote in message
news:11323-439F768E-500@storefull-3312.bay.webtv.net...
> Thanks so much for all your responses.
> I needed the boosts.
>
> They believe as I do, Don just can't handle the chatter & confusion in
> the dining room. Add also: the AD is worsening.and he's not able to
> express his needs. He eats very fast. I don't think he is hungry---but
> truly frustrated looking for words he can't remember. I try not to
> think of these things---
>
> I pushed a bit about this family conference. What were we to discuss?
> My son and daughter would have to take off work etc.
>
> It boiled down to the need to move Don to another room. He is the
> only one in the double room..He has been in this room since entering the
> place which originally was for respite..I liked the room because it was
> right across from the common room, (not much chance of getting lost). My
> guess is they may be expecting respiite guests.& I might object.
>
> Talk about a mountain out of a mole hill...sheesh. and I had such a
> bad night.
> I wish this Christmas time was over--not much fun anymore.. whoops,
> slipping into my "pity party" mood.
>
> I do feel much better today. Again Friends ---thanks for listening
>
> Sincerely,
> Florence
>
| |
|
| it is 27 here at the moment and I will take the info to heart and keep more
lights on around this house <s>
LJ
<carolinasongbird@gmail.com> wrote in message
news:1134658132.273212.180010@o13g2000cwo.googlegroups.com...
> RIght now it is 32 degrees outside, raining heavily, with a nice
> coating of ice on everything (other than the roads, thank heavens). So
> I have FOUR lamps on in my office, peppy music going and an
> aromatherapy candle lit. There is more than one way to fight the
> "Forces of Darkness"!
>
> Songbird
>
| |
| Florence A 2005-12-17, 12:55 pm |
| LJ
Sure you can join in the "Pity Party" But don't stay too long. Usually
there is no one else there, I guess that's good. I decide to get
out of the mood when I know that feeling that miserable does not help me
or the situation one bit. OK--now watch out!!! I'm polishing my Halo..
Seriously, It's been one helluva journey.
Wish I had learned earlier---when to get assistance. You realize you are
doing your best...it's not getting better, Dr's are not Gods...& you are
angry, have wept yourself dry. Join the pity part for as short a time
as possible 15 min to 2 hrs TOPs (that's about a (nap)s worth)
One of my kids used this "pity party" phrase describing one of the
grandchildren unhappy moments.
I thought it was so apt in describing how I was feeling instead of
"down in the dumps" "depressed" which no one really wants to hear.
"I'm having a Pity Party" sort of makes me smile right off ....A good
beginning ---Yes I take an antidepressant at times--...when I deem it
necessary...
Do take care of yourself,
| |
|
| A short party usually works for me <wink>
LJ
"Florence A" <smada@webtv.net> wrote in message
news:17894-43A45054-64@storefull-3313.bay.webtv.net...
> LJ
> Sure you can join in the "Pity Party" But don't stay too long. Usually
> there is no one else there, I guess that's good. I decide to get
> out of the mood when I know that feeling that miserable does not help me
> or the situation one bit. OK--now watch out!!! I'm polishing my Halo..
> Seriously, It's been one helluva journey.
> Wish I had learned earlier---when to get assistance. You realize you are
> doing your best...it's not getting better, Dr's are not Gods...& you are
> angry, have wept yourself dry. Join the pity part for as short a time
> as possible 15 min to 2 hrs TOPs (that's about a (nap)s worth)
>
> One of my kids used this "pity party" phrase describing one of the
> grandchildren unhappy moments.
>
> I thought it was so apt in describing how I was feeling instead of
> "down in the dumps" "depressed" which no one really wants to hear.
> "I'm having a Pity Party" sort of makes me smile right off ....A good
> beginning ---Yes I take an antidepressant at times--...when I deem it
> necessary...
>
> Do take care of yourself,
>
| |
| Anthony Shipley 2006-01-05, 1:04 am |
| smada@webtv.net (Florence A) [WA] wrote:
>I believe Anthony is terribly angry at his situation and he wants us to
>realise----it's not him, he's different. Most of us are caretakers and
>cannot have his take on AD from his angle. Anthony , most of the hands
>on caretakers (at times) also wonder, What's next ? ill it be me? have I
>lost it?
Ah, we are too ready to re-interpret other's meanings...
>There is another discussion group which comes up on WEBTV. I believe
>most who post there have AD--could be wrong---
>Anyway...They seem a happy enough group...are quite flippant & kind of
>playful about their deficits. I pop in there on occasion to see how
>most of them are getting along.. I just went there to get the address
>in case anyone is interested. You used o have to join but I tried to
>post today and that requirement seems to have disappeared.
>
>alt.discuss.clubs.private.bandaid8622
>
>that's all I know---
anthony shipley
Run away with me; I can make you unhappy.
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