Alzheimers support - Doctors 2nd Opinion

Author

Doctors 2nd Opinion

michelle

2005-12-10, 12:18 pm

I have posted recently on lack of communication problems I have had
with the Nursing Home here in australia where my Mum Lives and my
frustration with the Home the Dr etc
Below is a copy of part of the post" Aricept."
Quote:

I feel cheated and very disillusioned tonight.When we first placed Mum
in this facility there was a different Director of Nursing and I was
always singing her praises and that of the home,but in the last few
months have noticed a lot of changes and jump up and down but now feel
it is falling on deaf ears.
I have made a appointment with my Mums old Dr here for a second opinion

a thorough checkup and a look at the mess that is left from the removal

of a cancer on her scalp some 2 months ago at which the Dr did not get
it all and for 2 months every time I ask what is going to be done I am
told when the area has healed well its not healed yet?
So maybe I will feel better after this second opinion or perhaps the
familiarity of discussing the issues with a Dr I trust.

My advice now to anyone would be if in doubt or you have a gut feeling
something is not right always take the time to get a 2nd opinion.
My reason for suggesting this is:
I took the copy of the report on the skin cancer on Mums head(that I
was only given when I asked for it 5 days previous) to my Dr with Mum.
I had read the report but it meant nothing to me .
Mum has a Squamous cell carcinoma, 9X5X5 mm The tumour is situated in
severely sun damaged skin showing downward invasion of tongues strands
and nests of severely pleomorphic squamous cells.
Yes well now my Dr has explained the nastiness of this cancer I am even
more upset and enraged that I have been fed (bullshit)Aust slang ,for 2
months now.
No upset really is a minor expression for how I feel. I feel
devastated,let down and deceived.
How dare this Dr at the nursing home play god and decide as is now
patently obvious that as my Mum is in the later stages of AD that not
only was he not going to even dicuss this with us but that he has no
intention of referring to a specialist.
My Dr has explained all the options and after discussing this with my
Dad no we will not persue any further treatment which could be very
nasty.
I guess I feel more sad that in Mums earlier years she fought Cancer
and won and now this has come up and I couldnt do anything to beat it
really this time.
Sorry for such a long post

Gwen Love

2005-12-10, 12:18 pm

Michelle, I am so sorry. I can just imagine how upset you are at the doctor
who "removed" the cancer---and I know upset is stating it very mildly. Will
keep your mom and family in my prayers.
Gwen

"michelle" <feistylady01@gmail.com> wrote in message
news:1134183049.807367.88850@g43g2000cwa.googlegroups.com...
>I have posted recently on lack of communication problems I have had
> with the Nursing Home here in australia where my Mum Lives and my
> frustration with the Home the Dr etc
> Below is a copy of part of the post" Aricept."
> Quote:
>
>
> I feel cheated and very disillusioned tonight.When we first placed Mum
> in this facility there was a different Director of Nursing and I was
> always singing her praises and that of the home,but in the last few
> months have noticed a lot of changes and jump up and down but now feel
> it is falling on deaf ears.
> I have made a appointment with my Mums old Dr here for a second opinion
>
> a thorough checkup and a look at the mess that is left from the removal
>
> of a cancer on her scalp some 2 months ago at which the Dr did not get
> it all and for 2 months every time I ask what is going to be done I am
> told when the area has healed well its not healed yet?
> So maybe I will feel better after this second opinion or perhaps the
> familiarity of discussing the issues with a Dr I trust.
>
> My advice now to anyone would be if in doubt or you have a gut feeling
> something is not right always take the time to get a 2nd opinion.
> My reason for suggesting this is:
> I took the copy of the report on the skin cancer on Mums head(that I
> was only given when I asked for it 5 days previous) to my Dr with Mum.
> I had read the report but it meant nothing to me .
> Mum has a Squamous cell carcinoma, 9X5X5 mm The tumour is situated in
> severely sun damaged skin showing downward invasion of tongues strands
> and nests of severely pleomorphic squamous cells.
> Yes well now my Dr has explained the nastiness of this cancer I am even
> more upset and enraged that I have been fed (bullshit)Aust slang ,for 2
> months now.
> No upset really is a minor expression for how I feel. I feel
> devastated,let down and deceived.
> How dare this Dr at the nursing home play god and decide as is now
> patently obvious that as my Mum is in the later stages of AD that not
> only was he not going to even dicuss this with us but that he has no
> intention of referring to a specialist.
> My Dr has explained all the options and after discussing this with my
> Dad no we will not persue any further treatment which could be very
> nasty.
> I guess I feel more sad that in Mums earlier years she fought Cancer
> and won and now this has come up and I couldnt do anything to beat it
> really this time.
> Sorry for such a long post
>

carolinasongbird@gmail.com

2005-12-10, 12:18 pm

Oh, Michelle. If nothing else, Doctor #1 should have explained this to
you. It sounds like now that you have the facts you agree with his
decision not to treat the cancer more aggressively, but you should have
been able to participate in that decision. Not to mention going two
months with an unhealed wound on one's scalp is bound to be painful. (I
am currently suffering with what is called steroid rash over my whole
body and it's enough to make anyone bonkers in itself!)

On the other hand, and I don't mean this to sound callous, I think it
is sometimes a blessing when Alz patients develop something else that
may end their life sooner. Alz can be insidiously slow, and I wouldn't
want my Mom to live in the advanced stages for years on end. If she
could be kept pain-free -- that is the key -- I would choose not to
aggressively treat a terminal condition to preserve a questionable
quality of life.

Every family must make its own choices, however, based at least in part
on their religious beliefs. I am fortunate that my parents have made
their views on the issue clear so that I can act for them in clear
conscience.

My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family.

Songbird

Evelyn Ruut

2005-12-10, 12:18 pm

<carolinasongbird@gmail.com> wrote in message
news:1134224487.992739.267360@g14g2000cwa.googlegroups.com...
> Oh, Michelle. If nothing else, Doctor #1 should have explained this to
> you. It sounds like now that you have the facts you agree with his
> decision not to treat the cancer more aggressively, but you should have
> been able to participate in that decision. Not to mention going two
> months with an unhealed wound on one's scalp is bound to be painful. (I
> am currently suffering with what is called steroid rash over my whole
> body and it's enough to make anyone bonkers in itself!)
>
> On the other hand, and I don't mean this to sound callous, I think it
> is sometimes a blessing when Alz patients develop something else that
> may end their life sooner. Alz can be insidiously slow, and I wouldn't
> want my Mom to live in the advanced stages for years on end. If she
> could be kept pain-free -- that is the key -- I would choose not to
> aggressively treat a terminal condition to preserve a questionable
> quality of life.
>
> Every family must make its own choices, however, based at least in part
> on their religious beliefs. I am fortunate that my parents have made
> their views on the issue clear so that I can act for them in clear
> conscience.
>
> My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family.
>
> Songbird

Songbird if I have forgotten, forgive me, but how did you ever make out with
your Dad and Mother moving to that assisted living place? Did they
eventually do it?

--

Best Regards,
Evelyn

(to reply to me personally, remove 'sox')

michelle

2005-12-10, 5:59 pm

Thankyou Songbird,
Yes I know what you mean I work in agedcare with the end results of AD
so I can see where you are coming from.I am over the shock and tears
now. Peaceful and painfree it will be for however long we have got.I
have the option of moving Mum into our local hospital which has a
secure dementia area also.So i will wait until we feel the time is
right to move her it is just around the corner from Dad and I, where as
she is 45 mins away now,but I feel now I would like her closer so we
may visit as often as we want
Kind Regards
Michelle

carolinasongbird@gmail.com

2005-12-10, 5:59 pm

Thanks for asking, Evelyn. They moved to a place that is independent
living, but does provide 12 meals a week and housekeeping. Or so I
understand. They told me they were moving there Nov. 1, but they have
had no contact with me since then. I have sent cards, emails, etc.
Perhaps I should pick up the phone, but they have made it very clear
they want me to play no part in their life. Dad claims I was bossing
him around, so I am allowing him to dictate the terms of our
relationship.

Two days ago I learned from a friend that Dad had a serious car
accident several weeks ago. He's fine, car's totalled -- second time in
six months. Of course, Dad has not contacted me about it. My brother,
who is supposedly to be the one keeping me informed until Dad comes to
his senses, has said nothing. WHether that means he knows anything
about it wither, I don't know. He is not returning phone calls either.

His interim church job is coming to an end -- the Bishop is asking him
to take on a new assignment.

I just can't begin to express how furious and hurt this all makes me.
It's very hard to have your family choose to have nothing to do with
you. That's why I haven't posted much lately, though I have been
lurking and thinking of all of you.

Songbird

Evelyn Ruut

2005-12-10, 5:59 pm

<carolinasongbird@gmail.com> wrote in message
news:1134254223.385511.171240@z14g2000cwz.googlegroups.com...
> Thanks for asking, Evelyn. They moved to a place that is independent
> living, but does provide 12 meals a week and housekeeping. Or so I
> understand. They told me they were moving there Nov. 1, but they have
> had no contact with me since then. I have sent cards, emails, etc.
> Perhaps I should pick up the phone, but they have made it very clear
> they want me to play no part in their life. Dad claims I was bossing
> him around, so I am allowing him to dictate the terms of our
> relationship.
>
> Two days ago I learned from a friend that Dad had a serious car
> accident several weeks ago. He's fine, car's totalled -- second time in
> six months. Of course, Dad has not contacted me about it. My brother,
> who is supposedly to be the one keeping me informed until Dad comes to
> his senses, has said nothing. WHether that means he knows anything
> about it wither, I don't know. He is not returning phone calls either.
>
> His interim church job is coming to an end -- the Bishop is asking him
> to take on a new assignment.
>
> I just can't begin to express how furious and hurt this all makes me.
> It's very hard to have your family choose to have nothing to do with
> you. That's why I haven't posted much lately, though I have been
> lurking and thinking of all of you.
>
> Songbird

Songbird, I am so sorry it has come to this. Denial runs deep. My father
who is almost 93 is no better. He still likes to believe he can drive, and
actually has done so on occasion. He has been a difficult and abusive
person all his life and NObody can tell him anything, even my sister whom he
used to listen to when he had a half a mind to. Now the only person who
can work with him in any way is the lady who is sort of his caregiver. We
are all told to "butt out" in no uncertain terms when it comes to anything
regarding his autonomy. Sometimes you just have to back off when someone
gets like that. My sister and brother and I are letting his lady friend
call all the shots. At least she has some sense and he does listen to
her.... sort of....

We all care about you here, and I am sure I am not alone in wishing you the
best and in feeling sympathy for the whole situation.

--

Best Regards,
Evelyn

(to reply to me personally, remove 'sox')

Gwen Love

2005-12-10, 5:59 pm

Songbird, I know it hurts. But you know you have done the best you could do.
They are the ones who really pay the price for not letting you help them.
Try very hard not to worry.
Gwen

<carolinasongbird@gmail.com> wrote in message
news:1134254223.385511.171240@z14g2000cwz.googlegroups.com...
> Thanks for asking, Evelyn. They moved to a place that is independent
> living, but does provide 12 meals a week and housekeeping. Or so I
> understand. They told me they were moving there Nov. 1, but they have
> had no contact with me since then. I have sent cards, emails, etc.
> Perhaps I should pick up the phone, but they have made it very clear
> they want me to play no part in their life. Dad claims I was bossing
> him around, so I am allowing him to dictate the terms of our
> relationship.
>
> Two days ago I learned from a friend that Dad had a serious car
> accident several weeks ago. He's fine, car's totalled -- second time in
> six months. Of course, Dad has not contacted me about it. My brother,
> who is supposedly to be the one keeping me informed until Dad comes to
> his senses, has said nothing. WHether that means he knows anything
> about it wither, I don't know. He is not returning phone calls either.
>
> His interim church job is coming to an end -- the Bishop is asking him
> to take on a new assignment.
>
> I just can't begin to express how furious and hurt this all makes me.
> It's very hard to have your family choose to have nothing to do with
> you. That's why I haven't posted much lately, though I have been
> lurking and thinking of all of you.
>
> Songbird
>

Mamma Mia

2005-12-11, 1:00 am

"michelle" <feistylady01@gmail.com> wrote in message
news:1134253128.151282.15300@g44g2000cwa.googlegroups.com...
> Thankyou Songbird,
> Yes I know what you mean I work in agedcare with the end results of AD
> so I can see where you are coming from.I am over the shock and tears
> now. Peaceful and painfree it will be for however long we have got.I
> have the option of moving Mum into our local hospital which has a
> secure dementia area also.So i will wait until we feel the time is
> right to move her it is just around the corner from Dad and I, where as
> she is 45 mins away now,but I feel now I would like her closer so we
> may visit as often as we want
> Kind Regards
> Michelle
>

i can see where songbird is coming from too, but for you michelle, that is a
really awful thing to happen. To not be able to make an informed decision
and have that done for you and her by a doc, that is v sad.

best wishes

christine

Dennis P. Harris

2005-12-11, 7:48 am

On 10 Dec 2005 14:37:03 -0800 in alt.support.alzheimers,
"carolinasongbird@gmail.com" <carolinasongbird@gmail.com> wrote:

> Dad claims I was bossing
> him around, so I am allowing him to dictate the terms of our
> relationship.

but i thought YOU had the medical POA for your mother, NOT him?
are you letting him make her medical decisions?

Evelyn Ruut

2005-12-11, 10:55 am

"Dennis P. Harris" <NO_SPAM_TO_dpharris@gci.net> wrote in message
news:jcnnp1pgn5skg7fif8o42tapqe4tnldjok@4ax.com...
> On 10 Dec 2005 14:37:03 -0800 in alt.support.alzheimers,
> "carolinasongbird@gmail.com" <carolinasongbird@gmail.com> wrote:
>
>
> but i thought YOU had the medical POA for your mother, NOT him?
> are you letting him make her medical decisions?

Hi Dennis,

Don't forget that her father is not suffering from (diagnosable) dementia
and is quite capable of changing the POA at will, it is just that at this
time he THINKS it is not applicable or in effect yet.

It's a reasonable compromise Songbird is living with, at least until they
"make up" with one another. At least she knows they get one decent meal a
day in the place where they are. It's just that there was a better place
that had a higher level of care that she wanted them to go to.

When they aren't listening to you at all (like her father is) and have the
idea you are trying to run their life, sometimes it is better to just back
off a little and hope they disabuse themself of that idea for a while.
Besides, her brother is presently coming to the fore, and that isn't such a
bad thing either. Before he didn't want to know about any of it and only
Songbird was the "bad guy".

Dealing with someone who doesn't have AZ but is just in denial about his age
and abilities, is different than dealing with someone who has been
diagnosed. Her dad isn't sick with AZ, he's just stubborn and refuses to
accept the limitations of his age. It's her mom that has the AZ.

My father doesn't have AZ either, he is just a cranky stubborn old guy who
doesn't want to give up his iron fisted rule. There are a lot of parallels
between her situation and my own. My mother died in the year 2000, and I
wished for years that I could've done more for her. She doggedly let my
father call all the shots right up until she died, and she didn't have
alzheimers either.

I can really relate to Songbird's scenario..... almost too well!

--

Best Regards,
Evelyn

(to reply to me personally, remove 'sox')

carolinasongbird@gmail.com

2005-12-11, 12:53 pm

At this point she is still competent enough to make those on her own. I
trust her doctor, as she does. My concern at this point is that the
latest wreck -- which I am still trying to get details on -- may
indicate something going on with HIM. I know I have to intervene soon,
Dennis -- just trying to sort out how is the best way to do that. The
full frontal attack blew up in my face, guerilla warfare is slow and
tedious. Neither one of them would probably be judged incompetent or a
candidate for guardianship.

My first instinct on learning of the wreck was "I have his POA -- I'll
just sell the replacement car." BUT POA is not guardianship -- he could
turn around and buy another. And that really would be cutting off my
nose to spite my face. (Or maybe not -- he would probably revoke my
POA, give it to my brother, and I could wash my hands of the whole
thing!!!)

Songbird

carolinasongbird@gmail.com

2005-12-11, 12:53 pm

Thanks, Evelyn. Part of the problem with Dad is that unless it was
*his* decision, it's wrong. Case in point (which also relates to the
ongoing thread about learning new electronic devices): After a trip to
the ER, he finally agreed it made sense for him to have a cell phone in
the car. I told him I could get him one on my family plan cheaper than
for him to get one on his own, so he agreed and asked me to get him
one. I picked him out the simplest one with the largest buttons I could
find. He never could figure out how to work it, even after I sat down
and explained it three times. When he had his big wreck, he did not
have it with him.

Shortly after his recovery, he returned it to me (sticking me with the
cancellation fee) and said he had gotten a better one. It's a snazzy
flip phone with color display, all kinds of capabilities he doesn't
need, with a different supplier. Miraculously <G>, he can work this one
with its tiny buttons.

There is a possibility we are dealing with some alcohol-induced
dementia on his part as well, although as yet undiagnosed. There is a
100% possibility we are dealing with a narcissistic alcoholic with ego
issues. I am seeing a counselor to deal with the fallout from the
situation before it affects my health any further, and I am realizing
more and more this is the way he has been all his life -- it's just for
the last 25 years I have been able to maintain some distance from him
(it's called adulthood!) and I have changed in the meantime. Our big
blowup was the first time in my life I had ever stood up to him. And he
did not like it.
Meanwhile other people are feeding his ego. They are not taking his
"side" because he has not told anyone of the rift -- that would destroy
the image of the perfect clergyman/father.

Sometimes I think I fell through the Looking Glass into some soap opera
-- I'm trying to reduce the drama as best I can!

Songbird

Florence A

2005-12-11, 5:59 pm

I think your Dad wants you to know he is a force still to be reckoned
with.

Bet he doesn't even realize there is such a thing as a cancellation fee.
Your brother seems to know when advice is requested. He is not getting
into confiding anything and listening to either side. Smart!

Please drop by, call up, anything it takes. your dear Mom is in the
middle.

You must learn the art of letting things pass that nothing can be done
about. It's difficult when one is the type that needs things done
yesterday....Bless your good heart.......... It's not easy, My guess
is many of us have been down this road one way or another.

Florence......still learning

Dennis P. Harris

2005-12-12, 10:59 am

On 11 Dec 2005 09:02:47 -0800 in alt.support.alzheimers,
"carolinasongbird@gmail.com" <carolinasongbird@gmail.com> wrote:

> My concern at this point is that the
> latest wreck -- which I am still trying to get details on -- may
> indicate something going on with HIM. I know I have to intervene soon,
> Dennis -- just trying to sort out how is the best way to do that.

i hope that you can get his doc as an ally - try to convince the
doc that with multiple accidents now, it really is time for him
to stop driving. ask the doc what i did: does he want to be
driving down the road with your dad driving towards him in the
other lane? if the answer's no, he should write the letter to
DMV (you furnish him with a draft letter).

even if the doctor is not able to directly discuss your father's
case due to confidentiality, he should be able to discuss helping
to stop your father from driving. in many states if the doc
knows the patient is impaired the doctor can be held liable for
failing to notify DMV.

augustwestern

2005-12-12, 5:59 pm

"michelle" <feistylady01@gmail.com> wrote in message
news:1134183049.807367.88850@g43g2000cwa.googlegroups.com...
> I have posted recently on lack of communication problems I have had
> with the Nursing Home here in australia where my Mum Lives and my
> frustration with the Home the Dr etc
> Below is a copy of part of the post" Aricept."
> Quote:
>
>
> I feel cheated and very disillusioned tonight.When we first placed Mum
> in this facility there was a different Director of Nursing and I was
> always singing her praises and that of the home,but in the last few
> months have noticed a lot of changes and jump up and down but now feel
> it is falling on deaf ears.
> I have made a appointment with my Mums old Dr here for a second opinion
>
> a thorough checkup and a look at the mess that is left from the removal
>
> of a cancer on her scalp some 2 months ago at which the Dr did not get
> it all and for 2 months every time I ask what is going to be done I am
> told when the area has healed well its not healed yet?
> So maybe I will feel better after this second opinion or perhaps the
> familiarity of discussing the issues with a Dr I trust.
>
> My advice now to anyone would be if in doubt or you have a gut feeling
> something is not right always take the time to get a 2nd opinion.
> My reason for suggesting this is:
> I took the copy of the report on the skin cancer on Mums head(that I
> was only given when I asked for it 5 days previous) to my Dr with Mum.
> I had read the report but it meant nothing to me .
> Mum has a Squamous cell carcinoma, 9X5X5 mm The tumour is situated in
> severely sun damaged skin showing downward invasion of tongues strands
> and nests of severely pleomorphic squamous cells.
> Yes well now my Dr has explained the nastiness of this cancer I am even
> more upset and enraged that I have been fed (bullshit)Aust slang ,for 2
> months now.
> No upset really is a minor expression for how I feel. I feel
> devastated,let down and deceived.
> How dare this Dr at the nursing home play god and decide as is now
> patently obvious that as my Mum is in the later stages of AD that not
> only was he not going to even dicuss this with us but that he has no
> intention of referring to a specialist.
> My Dr has explained all the options and after discussing this with my
> Dad no we will not persue any further treatment which could be very
> nasty.
> I guess I feel more sad that in Mums earlier years she fought Cancer
> and won and now this has come up and I couldnt do anything to beat it
> really this time.
> Sorry for such a long post

Death from an untreated SCC is not a gentle passing. Regardless of her
mental status, your mom really needs some radiation to the area to retard
the cancer's growth and to give her additional time to possibly pass from
something else. Chemo probably won't help. Also - taking 2 -3 months for an
excised SCC to heal is not unusual if the skin is thin or already damaged.
Good luck, AW

carolinasongbird@gmail.com

2005-12-13, 12:58 am

This makes sense to me -- I have no problem with treatment that will
provide pain relief. But I'm wondering how you explain to an Alz pt the
need to lie still, etc. for radiation. I remember someone on here
dealing with having an MRI done on their LO. Maybe Michelle's mom is
still at a point where she can cooperate -- I hope so, to preserve as
many options as possible.

Songbird

michelle

2005-12-13, 11:00 am

I dont seem to be able to focus on this clearly at all at the moment.I
think what I mean is I just dont know which way to jump.
The last few days I have found myself suffering depression a condition
I take meds for and have been able to keep on top of for the past
couple of years.So this is frustrating me even more,I havent got the
time to be feeling like this especially at this time of the year.I have
lost all interest in xmas so just follow along at work and home until I
can take myself off to bed which has always been my safe comfort zone
when I am like this.
Perhaps I should get a referral to a plastic surgeon etc.I dont think
Mum would understand what was going on,Maybe she would be able to
cooperate.She has had to have 2 xrays because of falls and been ok with
that of late.

Evelyn Ruut

2005-12-13, 11:00 am

"michelle" <feistylady01@gmail.com> wrote in message
news:1134465039.316667.254880@g44g2000cwa.googlegroups.com...
>I dont seem to be able to focus on this clearly at all at the moment.I
> think what I mean is I just dont know which way to jump.
> The last few days I have found myself suffering depression a condition
> I take meds for and have been able to keep on top of for the past
> couple of years.So this is frustrating me even more,I havent got the
> time to be feeling like this especially at this time of the year.I have
> lost all interest in xmas so just follow along at work and home until I
> can take myself off to bed which has always been my safe comfort zone
> when I am like this.
> Perhaps I should get a referral to a plastic surgeon etc.I dont think
> Mum would understand what was going on,Maybe she would be able to
> cooperate.She has had to have 2 xrays because of falls and been ok with
> that of late.

Hi Michelle, lots of people get blue around the holidays, and I even find
myself getting that way sometimes. I just dan't seem to get going and get
things done! Anyway, I hope you can get the situation with your mom
squared away. I'd try to rely on good professional opinion, that way you
can rest more comfortably about it for the moment, then deal with it more
actively after the holidays, when you are feeling more yourself again. Does
your mom have an oncologist? I'd just get on the phone with him, at first.

--

Best Regards,
Evelyn

(to reply to me personally, remove 'sox')

augustwestern

2005-12-13, 6:00 pm

"michelle" <feistylady01@gmail.com> wrote in message
news:1134465039.316667.254880@g44g2000cwa.googlegroups.com...
> I dont seem to be able to focus on this clearly at all at the moment.I
> think what I mean is I just dont know which way to jump.

> Perhaps I should get a referral to a plastic surgeon etc.I dont think
> Mum would understand what was going on,Maybe she would be able to
> cooperate.She has had to have 2 xrays because of falls and been ok with
> that of late.
>

Michelle wrote: Mum has a Squamous cell carcinoma, 9X5X5 mm The tumour is
situated in
severely sun damaged skin showing downward invasion of tongues strands
and nests of severely pleomorphic squamous cells.
Yes well now my Dr has explained the nastiness of this cancer I am even
more upset and enraged that I have been fed (bullshit)Aust slang ,for 2
months now.

If this info is correct, this is not a large SCC, but if it goes untreated
your mom will have a very unpleasant time. Michelle, does your mom's Dr have
a future plan of action? IMO, your mom's current mental status is not nearly
as important as having a coherent plan of action for the coming months.
Holding a person with dementia's hand during procedures works wonders.
Valium or Versed also makes procedures a quick blur. While I am certainly
not advocating fighting a protracted battle against advanced SCC, I wouldn't
hesitate to treat such a small lesion aggressively - regardless of mental
status.

best, AW

2005-12-17, 10:57 am

I will keep you in my prayers

LJ
"michelle" <feistylady01@gmail.com> wrote in message
news:1134183049.807367.88850@g43g2000cwa.googlegroups.com...
> I have posted recently on lack of communication problems I have had
> with the Nursing Home here in australia where my Mum Lives and my
> frustration with the Home the Dr etc
> Below is a copy of part of the post" Aricept."
> Quote:
>
>

2005-12-17, 10:57 am

you have to find peace in your own heart that you are going all you can do
right now

LJ
<carolinasongbird@gmail.com> wrote in message
news:1134321275.492709.306690@g14g2000cwa.googlegroups.com...
> Thanks, Evelyn. Part of the problem with Dad is that unless it was
> *his* decision, it's wrong. Case in point (which also relates to the
> ongoing thread about learning new electronic devices): After a trip to
> the ER, he finally agreed it made sense for him to have a cell phone in
> the car. I told him I could get him one on my family plan cheaper than
> for him to get one on his own, so he agreed and asked me to get him
> one. I picked him out the simplest one with the largest buttons I could
> find. He never could figure out how to work it, even after I sat down
> and explained it three times. When he had his big wreck, he did not
> have it with him.
>
> Shortly after his recovery, he returned it to me (sticking me with the
> cancellation fee) and said he had gotten a better one. It's a snazzy
> flip phone with color display, all kinds of capabilities he doesn't
> need, with a different supplier. Miraculously <G>, he can work this one
> with its tiny buttons.
>
> There is a possibility we are dealing with some alcohol-induced
> dementia on his part as well, although as yet undiagnosed. There is a
> 100% possibility we are dealing with a narcissistic alcoholic with ego
> issues. I am seeing a counselor to deal with the fallout from the
> situation before it affects my health any further, and I am realizing
> more and more this is the way he has been all his life -- it's just for
> the last 25 years I have been able to maintain some distance from him
> (it's called adulthood!) and I have changed in the meantime. Our big
> blowup was the first time in my life I had ever stood up to him. And he
> did not like it.
> Meanwhile other people are feeding his ego. They are not taking his
> "side" because he has not told anyone of the rift -- that would destroy
> the image of the perfect clergyman/father.
>
> Sometimes I think I fell through the Looking Glass into some soap opera
> -- I'm trying to reduce the drama as best I can!
>
> Songbird
>

2005-12-17, 10:57 am

can't you report him to the DMV?

LJ
<carolinasongbird@gmail.com> wrote in message
news:1134320567.902205.217280@f14g2000cwb.googlegroups.com...
> At this point she is still competent enough to make those on her own. I
> trust her doctor, as she does. My concern at this point is that the
> latest wreck -- which I am still trying to get details on -- may
> indicate something going on with HIM. I know I have to intervene soon,
> Dennis -- just trying to sort out how is the best way to do that. The
> full frontal attack blew up in my face, guerilla warfare is slow and
> tedious. Neither one of them would probably be judged incompetent or a
> candidate for guardianship.
>
> My first instinct on learning of the wreck was "I have his POA -- I'll
> just sell the replacement car." BUT POA is not guardianship -- he could
> turn around and buy another. And that really would be cutting off my
> nose to spite my face. (Or maybe not -- he would probably revoke my
> POA, give it to my brother, and I could wash my hands of the whole
> thing!!!)
>
> Songbird
>

2005-12-17, 10:57 am

God Bless you

LJ
"michelle" <feistylady01@gmail.com> wrote in message
news:1134253128.151282.15300@g44g2000cwa.googlegroups.com...
> Thankyou Songbird,
> Yes I know what you mean I work in agedcare with the end results of AD
> so I can see where you are coming from.I am over the shock and tears
> now. Peaceful and painfree it will be for however long we have got.I
> have the option of moving Mum into our local hospital which has a
> secure dementia area also.So i will wait until we feel the time is
> right to move her it is just around the corner from Dad and I, where as
> she is 45 mins away now,but I feel now I would like her closer so we
> may visit as often as we want
> Kind Regards
> Michelle
>

michelle

2005-12-18, 10:58 am

Thankyou LJ

Florence A

2005-12-19, 1:01 am

I hope it gets easier for you once the drugs are given a chance to work
..

I think you are wise to cool it for a bit, If your husband is on line
messing up insurance, what's next.?

However, I think the legal work must be taken care of , hopefully
before the diagnosis ...I've often wondered if that's the doctor's
delay tactics---hoping the family uses the time wisely.

If you can see or speak with an elder lawyer alone and explain your
situation He/She may help you over the hurdles. They deal with these
situations.

Good luck...