|
| As I read this string, I remembered how my MIL viewed us as over-controlling
and sometimes even wicked and out to destroy her life. It didn't matter
that we had three doctors telling us something had to be done and a fourth
threatening to call Protective Services if we didn't do something.
She couldn't remember the events that led to our decisions that she
shouldn't drive, couldn't continue to live alone in her home, etc. She
didn't understand the lecture one doc gave me in front of her about my legal
liabilities and moral obligations of not taking actions that I knew were
needed. Thirty minutes after the lecture, she didn't remember it happened
so any actions I took were completely off base and uncalled for (in her
world).
To her friends, our actions were completely unnecessary. However, they
weren't trying to figure out how she vanished for 4-5 hours in a small town
when she was driving to a location that was perhaps 2 miles away. They also
weren't worried when she mentioned proudly that the man that lives on the
street came by looking for work but she didn't let him into the house THIS
TIME.
The ability to reason depends a great deal on the ability remember all facts
needed for making a decision. A person with diagnosed dementia by definition
can not evaluate their situation adequately. It is a cognitive disorder.
Yes, they still have rights. Yes, their dignity should be preserved. But
my MIL didn't remember the three incidents of wandering that led to her
confinement in the Dementia wing of the ALF in her hometown. If you asked
her, we were being overprotective. She didn't remember them, therefore they
didn't happen. And I learned quickly not to bother trying to explain because
to her, the events I based my decisions on were as real as the story of
Hansel and Gretel.
From this point of view, I view complaints about overprotective caregivers
along the same lines as that of teenagers complaining about overprotective
parents. Possibly merited or possibly the caregiver is operating with a
base of knowledge the person with dementia can not retain and apply.
Sorry if this is too long of a post, it's been a sore subject a few times.
Like with parenting, you can't always make necessary protective decisions
that all parties will like. Is pointing this out being mean or honest? I
don't know the answer but, to me, honesty is a form of respect.
Karen
|
|