| Gianna 2004-09-24, 4:22 am |
| Paxil is in the same family as Prozac. If Prozac didn't work well for
you, you might consider trying a med in a different class. After SSRIs
stopped working for me, I found Effexor to be pretty good. Also, a
combination of SSRIs and tricyclics (like desipramine, which has fewer
side effects than other tricyclics) works well for many people who
need this extra mental push or motivation. Personally, a low dose of
Effexor and a low dose of desipramine worked wonders for me: I
finished a 200-page project at this time.
Good luck!
Gianna
thebrainsalad@gmail.com (Brain Salad) wrote in message news:<5b56d16d.0409230017.3142a2c8@posting.google.com>...
> Hi all,
>
> My symptoms seem to fit well into the borderline personality disorder
> diagnosis, but it's tough not to come off as autistic. Though it's
> hard coping with my lack of confidence and constant anxiety, but I
> can't bear not being able to apply myself. Interesting myself in any
> topic so that my mind focuses on it is excruciatingly difficult. My
> troubles maintaining mental engagement extend to every aspect of my
> life, including relationships. It's as if I'm always totally absorbed
> by the present and the ideas and habits that should guide me don't
> come into play... unless someone is a very close friend, I seem to
> start with them from square 1, as I would a stranger. Unpredictable
> emotions are just too strong for me. For me, each new thing comes
> with a raft of unbearable anxieties that I invariably try desperately
> to escape. The labor of acclimating myself to new pursuits, people
> and situations... grinds me into depression.
>
> Ritalin euphoria helps, but one can only chase it so far (if one is
> unwilling to insufflate substances or exceed prescribed dosage, as I
> am). With MJ, tianeptine (stablon, 12.5 2x-3x daily) I manage, but at
> a small fraction of my ability. I spent about 6 months oscillating
> between 20 and 40mg of prozac per day, which replaced my issues with
> novel afflictions. I accomplished so much during that duration, but
> as I metabolized the last of the nor-fluoxetine in my system, I gave
> up ground. Good short term memory, sexual function, morality and a
> regulated sleep cycle are fine things to have back, but I could do
> without the mental handcuffs. Prozac clearly wasn't right for me:
> although I achieved a lot, I also dropped out of college, grew
> increasingly exhausted and lethargic and spent a great deal of money
> in useless, absurd ways. I'm back in school, finishing up and
> thankful I didn't get myself into any debt, wishing I could turn down
> the volume on my horrible negativity and self-loathing.
>
> If I were capable of accurately expressing my emotions and
> personality, I would. Whatever I say about myself comes out queerly
> gilded. I want to be able to empathize with people, but I'm afraid to
> say how badly things are going inside. Who can tell someone emanating
> unassailable self confidence is actually falling apart? That his
> terrifyingly potent emotions are ever poised to ruin him? I'm under
> the XXXXing sword of Damocles every waking moment. I project what I
> am not. Not only are daily tasks and joys I know I love neigh
> impossible to enjoy, but this goddamned XXXXX of sword wants to cut my
> wang off.
>
> And that is the problem. My pdoc took forever to see through the way
> I portray myself, which entirely false, and comprehend my troubles. I
> joke... I watch his face and hone in on his sense of the ridiculous
> and make him laugh, completely preventing him from understanding me,
> but the effort tears me up inside.
>
> I'm considering a low dose of paxil, thinking it might bring the magic
> back, but worry it might send me right off the deep-end - if it
> doesn't confine me to bed 16 hours a day. Maybe tianeptine, which has
> been helping more and more, will kick and be sufficient. I think I'll
> give it another few weeks. At any rate, perhaps peering into my
> crooked mind through a warped window has been interesting to someone
> here.
>
> -brainsalad
> -----------------------------------------------------
> "I felt like a monster reincarnation of Horatio Alger... A Man on the
> Move, and just sick enough to be totally confident."
|