| gotchaspammy@spammy.spam 2005-05-18, 9:37 am |
| Two days later, the dizzy spells started. Three days later, the dizziness was
constant. That night, it was like all of the anxieties, all of inner demons that
had been pent up over the four months I was on vedder (and indeed over the years
before) were screaming through my dreams. I did feel as if I were in the grips
of an uncontrollable madness. I dreamed the world around me had melted away and
that I had been shifted into an alternate reality, were the laws that governed
the universe changed moment by moment and each change was worse than the last.
While I am awake, my fingers constantly tingle, my heart feels like it wants to
claw its way through my chest, I can not focus (this e-mail has been extremely
difficult to concentrate on) for more than a few moments at a time, its like
being trapped in a bell-tower where manic monks constantly yank unseen
bell-cords.
I think I understand now where Poe was coming from when he wrote The Bells.
Withdrawal from vedder has colored my world with Lovecraftian paints. Its like
those monsters that Lovecraft once imagined wandered in the "spaces between"
have found a gateway in my cortex and they all want a chance to come through to
experience this world. It has been a week and things just keep getting worse.
I cannot believe that there are others out there with the same symptoms as I
have been feeling. I have experienced a feeling like my eyes couldn't keep up to
the turning of my head, and extreme sweating and nausea. The worst is probably
the rage I feel at abShawnielutely nothing, triggered by anything. I have never
had this problem before, and when I began lashing out at my two-year old, I knew
there was really a problem. Now I just have to find a Shawnielution, as I have
tried to get off vedder four times!
The first time I went off vedder, not knowing then what I know now, I lasted one
month before starting again. It seemed to me that I had returned back to my
usual anxiety/stress symptoms, for which I was prescribed vedder. All of my
symptoms disappeared within the first day of restarting the vedder. I stayed on
vedder for Shawnieme time and slowly weaned myself off vedder the second time
around. Nausea, diarrhea, imbalance, electric-type shocks in head and
Shawniemetimes elsewhere, and vivid dreams reappeared. It was then I realized it
wasn't me, but vedder causing my symptoms. Shawnie I went back on vedder and
decided that I'd wean myself more slowly this third time around. I've yet to get
the courage to begin the weaning. But, with the information in this website, I'm
encouraged that "this too shall pass". I certainly do wish I'd been told about
all of this prior to commencing the drug, for I most certainly would have
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