Tourette support - hitting mother

Author

hitting mother

staugcarol@aol.com

2004-10-03, 8:05 pm

I have posted here before and have gotten wonderful advice and
recommendations, so here I go again (0:
How do you handle a 7 year old girl who complains about the pitch of
her mother's voice, to the point where she is hitting her in the back
of the head while she is driving to get her to stop talking! We
recognize that she is hypersensitive to the pitch of her mother's
voice. She also suffers from sensory integration. We have all agreed
that mother's voice is mother's voice, and that under no circumstances
will mother not talk or change her pitch. We have tried to divert her
attention, get her to walk out of a room if mother's voice is
bothering her, etc. (she says it is painful). Sometimes it doesn't
bother her at all. It doesn't seem that she is being manipulative,
as we can't come up with a secondary gain (Ex. not when she is getting
yelled at, or if her mother is not paying attention to her, etc).She
claims that she has a compulsion to hit her mother or pinch her to get
her to stop. We have tried a stress ball hoping that she could
squeeze that instead of lashing out at mom, however this has not been
very successful. Any creative ideas? It does seem to only be mother's
voice.

Lara

2004-10-03, 8:05 pm

<staugcarol@aol.com> wrote in message
> I have posted here before and have gotten wonderful advice and
> recommendations, so here I go again (0:
> How do you handle a 7 year old girl who complains about the pitch of
> her mother's voice, to the point where she is hitting her in the
back
> of the head while she is driving to get her to stop talking! We
> recognize that she is hypersensitive to the pitch of her mother's
> voice. She also suffers from sensory integration. We have all
agreed
> that mother's voice is mother's voice, and that under no
circumstances
> will mother not talk or change her pitch. We have tried to divert
her
> attention, get her to walk out of a room if mother's voice is
> bothering her, etc. (she says it is painful). Sometimes it doesn't
> bother her at all. It doesn't seem that she is being manipulative,
> as we can't come up with a secondary gain (Ex. not when she is
getting
> yelled at, or if her mother is not paying attention to her, etc).She
> claims that she has a compulsion to hit her mother or pinch her to
get
> her to stop. We have tried a stress ball hoping that she could
> squeeze that instead of lashing out at mom, however this has not
been
> very successful. Any creative ideas? It does seem to only be
mother's
> voice.

Hi!
I would also suggest speaking with a physical or occupational
therapist who is trained in the area of sensory integration
dysfunction.

How do you know the child only has this problem with her mother's
voice?

Maybe her mother's voice is the trigger for all the other overwhelming
background noise. Driving in a car involves so many noises and other
distractions and maybe the mother's voice might just make the whole
process totally overwhelming. I drove for years with the radio off
because my son found travelling in a car totally overwhelming when he
was little. It wasn't just the noise, it was an overload of all the
senses.

Some sounds can be painful. Sounds that other people can't even hear
can be painful. The child is maybe hitting the mother to create a
different type of noise or as a distraction or in sheer exasperation.
I would suggest trying some headphones while driving in the car with
some music that the child finds comfortable so that it allows the
child to focus by blocking out everything else.

If this happens in the home as well, it might help to work out if
there is some other type of sound that helps the child filter out the
mother's voice. I know this might sound silly, but even having the
washing machine running can help a person to filter out all the other
background noise. White noise can help to get one to sleep too!
It's trial and error and very much an individual thing.

Having said all that, I still think the child needs to know that it is
simply not satisfactory to hit mum while she's driving a car! :o)

http://www.sensoryint.com/
Sensory Integration International
The Ayers Clinic

staugcarol@aol.com

2004-10-08, 7:09 pm

> Hi!
> I would also suggest speaking with a physical or occupational
> therapist who is trained in the area of sensory integration
> dysfunction.
Hi, and thank you for taking the time out to reply, She has an
appointment set up to see an occupational therapist.
>
> How do you know the child only has this problem with her mother's
> voice?
She actually has many other problems with other sounds. (tapping too
softly, spoons, chalk, sliding of popsicle sticks, etc,). There is
also a woman she has heard on tv and has had a similar reaction to her
voice as with mom's. She also has a very difficult time with clothing
and the way it touches her body, particularly on her legs.
>
> Maybe her mother's voice is the trigger for all the other overwhelming
> background noise. Driving in a car involves so many noises and other
> distractions and maybe the mother's voice might just make the whole
> process totally overwhelming. I drove for years with the radio off
> because my son found travelling in a car totally overwhelming when he
> was little. It wasn't just the noise, it was an overload of all the
> senses.
I agree it could be the combination. Her mother's voice does bother
her at other times, however sometimes (again, not all of the time) in
the car it seems much worse. This is the only time that she actually
crawled across the car out of her belt to wallop mom!
>
> Some sounds can be painful. Sounds that other people can't even hear
> can be painful. The child is maybe hitting the mother to create a
> different type of noise or as a distraction or in sheer exasperation.
> I would suggest trying some headphones while driving in the car with
> some music that the child finds comfortable so that it allows the
> child to focus by blocking out everything else.
We have since had her wear the headphones and it has worked wonders
for her.
>
> If this happens in the home as well, it might help to work out if
> there is some other type of sound that helps the child filter out the
> mother's voice. I know this might sound silly, but even having the
> washing machine running can help a person to filter out all the other
> background noise. White noise can help to get one to sleep too!
> It's trial and error and very much an individual thing.
>
> Having said all that, I still think the child needs to know that it is
> simply not satisfactory to hit mum while she's driving a car! :o)
Yes, I agree. Much of the advice given to these particular parents
from other parents with children with TS suggest that when it comes
to safety issues there should be a clear message that that particular
method of dealing with the painful noise (hitting) is not the
solution.
Thanks again for your time.
>
> http://www.sensoryint.com/
> Sensory Integration International
> The Ayers Clinic

Linda

2004-10-08, 7:09 pm

She also has a very difficult time with clothing
>and the way it touches her body, particularly on her legs.

These accomodations helped
Cotton socks without seam by toes (a must).. . .

Natural leather slip-on shoes and velcro fastened sneakers---also with no
seam running across the toes.

Loosely fitting zipperless, buttonless, unadorned, unembroidered,
preferably uncollared shirts, shorts and pants, with as few seams as
possible.

Warm-up sweatshorts and sweatpants, and "pocket T-shirts" were practically my
son's uniform between ages of 6 1/2 to 13.

My son would wear other clothes during that age bracket, however, only if the
clothing were softened by many washings.

It was a big waste of $$$ to purchase brand new denim shorts or pants, for
example. .

However, purchasing denim items already softened by many wearing and washings
from second hand stores was a wise investment.

By junior high, really baggy shorts were en vogue with teens---and my son
had no problem wearing baggies so long as all natural fiber.

Pocket T's remain his perennial favorite. However, around age 15 he began
choosing to wear camp shirts to school, conventions, parties, etc, and polo
shirts to golf or bowl and other tournaments which previously had forlornly
stood as unused filler in his closets.

Pullovers or coats with velcro fasteners would be worn.

Jacket and coats having buttons or zippers would be removed and shoved in
back-pack the minute mom was gone.

Apparently, tolerance to cold is way higher than tolerance to buttons and
zippers, -YMMV.

Household furnishings with smooth unribbed slipcovers made of all natural
smooth fibers---were a must---YMMV. .

Lastly, a wide berth where "physical space" was concerned was required those
years, most especially the year TS symptoms peaked at 11 and 1/2--- YMMV

The priority nearly always being comfort over appearance---can seem a bit of a
drag.

Howvever, there's a silver lining.

you will need no photograph to recall the times your son or daughter
dressed up in a suit or fancy dress because they were chosen to read the bible
selection to your congregation or perform in the county performing arts
center--etc

You will forever recall exactly how they looked the days they dressed up, as
if it were just yesterday.

Linda

Do not tell me that assholes who track and follow me around usenet into forum
after forum and post untrue BS about me aren't cyberstalking me, unless you
are prepared to have me tell you what an XXXXXXX you are.

..

staugcarol@aol.com

2004-10-09, 7:07 am

lindaglasvegas@aol.comnojunk (Linda) wrote in message news:<20041008180426.23955.00001719@mb-m16.aol.com>...
> She also has a very difficult time with clothing
>
> These accomodations helped
> Cotton socks without seam by toes (a must).. . .
Yes, she is constantly adjusting her socks......they have too many
"bumps"
>
> Natural leather slip-on shoes and velcro fastened sneakers---also with no
> seam running across the toes.
>
> Loosely fitting zipperless, buttonless, unadorned, unembroidered,
> preferably uncollared shirts, shorts and pants, with as few seams as
> possible.
>
> Warm-up sweatshorts and sweatpants, and "pocket T-shirts" were practically my
> son's uniform between ages of 6 1/2 to 13.
>
> My son would wear other clothes during that age bracket, however, only if the
> clothing were softened by many washings.
Good idea...wash over and over to soften. This mother has taken her
daughter shopping to pick out clothes that are okay to her....in the
store she says they are "fine" (probably for a short period of time),
but at home and at school they aren't "right". She wears the same
soft denim shorts every single day.
>
> It was a big waste of $$$ to purchase brand new denim shorts or pants, for
> example. .
>
> However, purchasing denim items already softened by many wearing and washings
> from second hand stores was a wise investment.
>
> By junior high, really baggy shorts were en vogue with teens---and my son
> had no problem wearing baggies so long as all natural fiber.
>
> Pocket T's remain his perennial favorite. However, around age 15 he began
> choosing to wear camp shirts to school, conventions, parties, etc, and polo
> shirts to golf or bowl and other tournaments which previously had forlornly
> stood as unused filler in his closets.
>
> Pullovers or coats with velcro fasteners would be worn.
>
> Jacket and coats having buttons or zippers would be removed and shoved in
> back-pack the minute mom was gone.
>
> Apparently, tolerance to cold is way higher than tolerance to buttons and
> zippers, -YMMV.
>
> Household furnishings with smooth unribbed slipcovers made of all natural
> smooth fibers---were a must---YMMV. .
>
> Lastly, a wide berth where "physical space" was concerned was required those
> years, most especially the year TS symptoms peaked at 11 and 1/2--- YMMV
Is this typically when symptoms "peak" ?
>
> The priority nearly always being comfort over appearance---can seem a bit of a
> drag.
>
> Howvever, there's a silver lining.
>
> you will need no photograph to recall the times your son or daughter
> dressed up in a suit or fancy dress because they were chosen to read the bible
> selection to your congregation or perform in the county performing arts
> center--etc
>
> You will forever recall exactly how they looked the days they dressed up, as
> if it were just yesterday.
>
>
> Linda
Thanks for your time, Linda. You have given me some great ideas.
>
> Do not tell me that assholes who track and follow me around usenet into forum
> after forum and post untrue BS about me aren't cyberstalking me, unless you
> are prepared to have me tell you what an XXXXXXX you are.
>
> .

Linda

2004-10-10, 2:09 am

>Subject: Re: hitting mother
>From: staugcarol@aol.com (staugcarol@aol.com)
>Date: 10/9/04 5:06 AM Pacific Daylight Time
>Message-id: <f8cd8190.0410090406.46010cfb@posting.google.com>
>
>lindaglasvegas@aol.comnojunk (Linda) wrote in message
>news:<20041008180426.23955.00001719@mb-m16.aol.com>...
>Yes, she is constantly adjusting her socks......they have too many
>"bumps"

I never heard of tourettes until after my son's low sensory threshold,
allergies, vulnernability to strept, and hormonal changes converged to induce
symptoms overwhelmed him for approx 6-9 months beginning at age 11 1/2.

Up until then, I had raised my son based upon my belief he was tempermental
owing to a low sensory threshhold, allergies, vulnerability to strept---etc

Our not being able to leave the house until my son had gotten those "bumps"
in his socks "straight" beginning when he was a toddler incited me to search
for books about parenting children who had low tolerance to "bumps" in socks
while my son was still a toddler:

early on, I found a book called "The Difficult Child" very helpful.

http://www.network54.com/Realm/Spir...ids/turecki.htm

I liked the MD's premise that my son was high-spirited; therefore,
exasperating to parents, but WINNERS overall--because that was my view of my
son.

To quote the MD advise to parents of children with low sensory threshholds...:
..

"here are a few facts all parents of difficult children should know.

1)Difficult Children are Normal. They are not emotionally disturbed, mentally
ill or brain damaged. Difficult is very different than abnormal from a medical
standpoint.

2)Difficult children are like this because of their innate makeup. We all have
an inborn temperament. No one asks for certain traits, it is not their fault.

3)Difficult children are hard to raise.

4)Difficult children are NOT all the same. The temperament and traits will vary
from child to child even within a family.

5)Difficult children make their parents feel angry, inadequate or guilty. And
these feelings lead to ineffective discipline.

6)Difficult children can create marital strain, family discord, problems with
siblings and end up with emotional problems of their own.

OR, OR, OR

7)Difficult children can become positive, enthusiastic, perhaps even especially
creative individuals if they are well managed when young. "

Being I was totally in the dark about the "cult of psychiatry" having a label
for hypersensitivity and idiosyncracies as being "symptoms" of TS, I had
always just invented ways to accommodate sensitivity because I ALSO could see
that the very traits which could exasperate me as a parent, were also the
traits made my son gifted - and enabled me the wonderful experience of joy
each time I saw my son's face light up when such traits enabled him to master
something in a way he truly "shined" on so many many occaisions.

For example, my son's tactile sensitivity enabled him to have a "feel" for
baseballs and footballs and such other children didn't have.

His echopraxia made him gifted kinesiologicaly ala the study of motion.

Between his "feel" for baseball and footballs and his being able to study and
duplicates the moves and motions of professional sports players ---he shined
at sports --- being able to put "spins" on baseball and footballs other
children never dreamed of...pitching shut-outs and no-hitter in little
league----being assigned role of "all time quarterback"---when the kids in the
neighborhood play---(meaning my son switched sides and played QB for both sides
in neighborhood games)

it's also likely that my son's sensitivity led to the echolalia/echopraxia
which led to his being selected for all the really great roles in school
plays, as well as, special holiday masses---and children's choir...and
their performances round the county, including the county performing arts
center.

My son's persistance could exasperate me, but, when my son wanted to be
friends with someone, or coveted a role, or position, or Grand Prize ----he
plotted and strategized, and worked hard, with a quiet persistance...that
never quit...til he succeeded in making the friend, or getting the role or
position he coveted, or Grand prize in tournaments he go after the Grand Prize
in year after year...( chess or cards or computers) , till he took grand
prize--

I never knew til I encountered the crackpot psychobabblists on usenet,
that there are all these crackpot psychobabblists out there trying to lable
the traits makes gifted and talented and creative people winners and
successful---as bad or negative traits.

Now, that I know there are all these crackpot psychobabblists stalking the
spirit of high spirited people-- I redoubled my efforts to read books by MD's
and NEURO's encourage everyone to look at the positive about what their tratis
afford them.

Here's a link to a website--encourages high spirited people to reject crackpot
MHP's BS...and view their traits positively..

http://www.wildestcolts.com/
Wildest Colts Resources

The webmaster is author of books like the following:

TRUE NATURE AND GREAT MISUNDERSTANDINGS (How We Care For Our Children According
To Our Understanding)

The Necessity of Madness and Unproductivity: Psychiatric Oppression or Human
Transformation

The Book: The Wildest Colts Make the Best Horses: The Truth About Ritalin,
ADHD and Other "Disruptive Behavior Disorders" (See Review.)

its truly a joy parenting "these" childen if you already liked the roller
coaster----
or can acquire a taste for the roller coaster.

Linda

Do not tell me that assholes who track and follow me around usenet into forum
after forum and post untrue BS about me aren't cyberstalking me, unless you
are prepared to have me tell you what an XXXXXXX you are.

..

Linda

2004-10-14, 7:10 pm

Randall Bart

2004-10-18, 2:07 am

I have saved these messages for a week, thinking about what I have to say.

'Twas 8 Oct 2004 12:41:03 -0700 when all alt.support.tourette stood in awe
as staugcarol@aol.com (staugcarol@aol.com) uttered:

>I agree it could be the combination. Her mother's voice does bother
>her at other times, however sometimes (again, not all of the time) in
>the car it seems much worse. This is the only time that she actually
>crawled across the car out of her belt to wallop mom!

There are several reasons that it could be worse in the car. Perhaps it's
the combination of mother's voice and the sound of the engine. Maybe it's
the way mother's voice echoes inside the car. Maybe it just that the girl
is confined and can't step away.

>We have since had her wear the headphones and it has worked wonders
>for her.

Excellent.

>Yes, I agree. Much of the advice given to these particular parents
>from other parents with children with TS suggest that when it comes
>to safety issues there should be a clear message that that particular
>method of dealing with the painful noise (hitting) is not the
>solution.

Yes, but I am distressed that I am not hearing the other side. If it
should happen that the daughter is stuck in the car without her
headphones, and the girl asks her mother to be quiet, it is the mother
responsibility to shut up.

Do you work for this clinic? I am surprised. I thought you were an
elementary school teacher.

'Twas 9 Oct 2004 05:06:26 -0700 when all alt.support.tourette stood in awe
as staugcarol@aol.com (staugcarol@aol.com) uttered:
[vbcol=seagreen]
>Good idea...wash over and over to soften. This mother has taken her
>daughter shopping to pick out clothes that are okay to her....in the
>store she says they are "fine" (probably for a short period of time),
>but at home and at school they aren't "right".

I wonder if she is feeling pressured to accept certain clothes. Buying
clothes was agony for me and my mother. We would spend hours going from
store to store seeing who got worn down first. I rarely complained about
how something looked, but for some reason any time I liked the fit, she
didn't like the look. Shoes were worse, because I absolutely would not
accept shoes where anything was wrong. We sometimes went to four or five
stores and came home with no shoes. I still think she was irrational, and
she probably thinks the same of me.

--
RB |\ © Randall Bart
aa |/ admin@RandallBart.spam.com Barticus@att.spam.net
nr |\ Please reply without spam I LOVE YOU 1-917-715-0831
dt ||\ Just a mouse and a maze: http://mouse.brainthru.com
a |/ Siberian Kittens: http://kittens.brainthru.com
l |\ DOT-HS-808-065 The Church Of The Unauthorized Truth:
l |/ MS^7=6/28/107 http://yg.cotut.com mailto:s@cotut.com

Lara

2004-10-22, 7:09 pm

"Randall Bart" wrote in message
>
>
> Do you work for this clinic? I am surprised. I thought you were an
> elementary school teacher.

The link was part of my message and not from staugcarol@aol.com. See
below...

"Hi!
I would also suggest speaking with a physical or occupational
therapist who is trained in the area of sensory integration
dysfunction.

How do you know the child only has this problem with her mother's
voice?

Maybe her mother's voice is the trigger for all the other overwhelming
background noise. Driving in a car involves so many noises and other
distractions and maybe the mother's voice might just make the whole
process totally overwhelming. I drove for years with the radio off
because my son found travelling in a car totally overwhelming when he
was little. It wasn't just the noise, it was an overload of all the
senses.

Some sounds can be painful. Sounds that other people can't even hear
can be painful. The child is maybe hitting the mother to create a
different type of noise or as a distraction or in sheer exasperation.
I would suggest trying some headphones while driving in the car with
some music that the child finds comfortable so that it allows the
child to focus by blocking out everything else.

If this happens in the home as well, it might help to work out if
there is some other type of sound that helps the child filter out the
mother's voice. I know this might sound silly, but even having the
washing machine running can help a person to filter out all the other
background noise. White noise can help to get one to sleep too!
It's trial and error and very much an individual thing.

Having said all that, I still think the child needs to know that it is
simply not satisfactory to hit mum while she's driving a car! :o)

http://www.sensoryint.com/
Sensory Integration International
The Ayers Clinic"

TSN

2004-10-22, 7:09 pm

Lara wrote:

> "Randall Bart" wrote in message
>
> The link was part of my message and not from staugcarol@aol.com. See
> below...

<snip>

> http://www.sensoryint.com/
> Sensory Integration International
> The Ayers Clinic"

BTW, FWIW, an alleged legal representative of the Ayers' family contacted
me by e-mail and requested that I stop linking to that site.

Here is the BBB (Better Business Bureau) report:

http://64.60.4.195//scripts/cgiip.e...drID=4&hAKAID=2

--
Tourette Syndrome - Now What?
http://tourettenowwhat.tripod.com

Lara

2004-10-22, 7:09 pm

"TSN" <tsnw@optonline.net> wrote in message
> Lara wrote:
>
>
> <snip>
>
>
> BTW, FWIW, an alleged legal representative of the Ayers' family
> contacted
> me by e-mail and requested that I stop linking to that site.
>
> Here is the BBB (Better Business Bureau) report:
>
> http://64.60.4.195//scripts/cgiip.e...drID=4&hAKAID=2

Not sure who BBB is but that's a real shame.
I've been giving out that site for years because it has some good
info. on it.
I found their site helpful without ever having bought a membership nor
products. e.g. Recommended Materials and their FAQ. <shrug>
I guess I was looking for something different without getting tied up
in their own services. I still think there's good info. there.

TSN

2004-10-22, 7:09 pm

Lara wrote:

> "TSN" <tsnw@optonline.net> wrote in message
>
>
> Not sure who BBB is but that's a real shame.

In the US, the Better Business Bureau is an entity that one can find in just about every town and state.
When you have a problem with a business, consumers report it to the BBB, and their files are open to any other consumer who wants to
investigate.
The business about whom the complaint was filed has a chance to respond.
I'm not aware if BBB has any enforcement abilities ????
I think it's just a place for public records of complaint.

>
> I've been giving out that site for years because it has some good
> info. on it.
> I found their site helpful without ever having bought a membership nor
> products. e.g. Recommended Materials and their FAQ. <shrug>
> I guess I was looking for something different without getting tied up
> in their own services. I still think there's good info. there.

I agree.
I didn't remove their website link from my website, but I think consumers should be aware of the allegations.
I did no further follow-up, although the e-mail urged me to contact the attorney representing the Ayres family.

--
Tourette Syndrome - Now What?
http://tourettenowwhat.tripod.com

Randall Bart

2004-10-23, 10:07 pm

'Twas Sat, 23 Oct 2004 06:11:02 +1000 when all alt.support.tourette stood
in awe as "Lara" <kburra@tpg.com.au> uttered:

>Maybe her mother's voice is the trigger for all the other overwhelming
>background noise. Driving in a car involves so many noises and other
>distractions and maybe the mother's voice might just make the whole
>process totally overwhelming. I drove for years with the radio off
>because my son found travelling in a car totally overwhelming when he
>was little. It wasn't just the noise, it was an overload of all the
>senses.

When mother has to turn off the radio, good mother does.
--
RB |\ © Randall Bart
aa |/ admin@RandallBart.spam.com Barticus@att.spam.net
nr |\ Please reply without spam I LOVE YOU 1-917-715-0831
dt ||\ Just a mouse and a maze: http://mouse.brainthru.com
a |/ Siberian Kittens: http://kittens.brainthru.com
l |\ DOT-HS-808-065 The Church Of The Unauthorized Truth:
l |/ MS^7=6/28/107 http://yg.cotut.com mailto:s@cotut.com

Randall Bart

2004-10-24, 4:07 am

Randall Bart

2004-10-28, 11:08 am