| George 2004-08-03, 6:36 pm |
| ------- Forwarded message follows -------
How true is this???!!!!
> Rules for Dog Owners
> 1. Dogs are never permitted in the house. The dog stays outside in a > specially built wooden compartment named, for very good reason, the >
dog house.
> 2. Okay, the dog can enter the house, but only for short visits or if his > own house is under renovation.
> 3. Okay, the dog can stay in the house on a permanent basis, provided > his dog house can be sold in a yard sale to a rookie dog owner.
> 4. Inside the house, the dog is not allowed to run free and is confined to > a comfortable but secure metal cage.
> 5. Okay, the cage becomes part of a two-for-one deal along with the > dog house in the yard sale, and the dog can go wherever the hell he >
pleases.
> 6. The dog is never allowed on the furniture.
> 7. Okay, the dog can get on the old furniture but not the new furniture.
> 8. Okay, the dog can get up on the new furniture until it looks like the > old furniture and then we'll sell the whole damn works and buy new >
furniture...upon which the dog will most definitely not be allowed.
> 9. The dog never sleeps on the bed. Period.
> 10. Okay, the dog can sleep at the foot of the bed.
> 11. Okay, the dog can sleep alongside you, but he's not allowed under > the covers.
> 12. Okay, the dog can sleep under the covers but not with his head on > the pillow.
> 13. Okay, the dog can sleep alongside you under the covers with his > head on the pillow, but if he snores he's got to leave the room.
> 14. Okay, the dog can sleep and snore and have nightmares in bed, > but he's not to come in and sleep on the couch in the TV room, where >
I'm now sleeping. That's just not fair.
> 15. The dog never gets listed on the census questionnaire as "primary > resident," even if it's true.
> *****************************************************************
__"The reason a dog has so many friends is that he wags his tail instead of his
> tongue." -Anonymous
> "Don't accept your dog's admiration as conclusive evidence that you > are
> wonderful." -Ann Landers
> "If there are no dogs in Heaven, then when I die I want to go where they > went." -Will Rogers
> "There is no psychiatrist in the world like a puppy licking your face." > -Ben Williams
> "A dog is the only thing on earth that loves you more than he loves > himself." -Josh Billings
> "The average dog is a nicer person than the average person." -Andrew > A. Rooney
> "We give dogs time we can spare, space we can spare and love we > can spare. In return, dogs give us their all. It's the best deal man has >
ever made." -M.Facklam
> "Dogs love their friends and bite their enemies, quite unlike people, who > are incapable of pure love and always have to mix love and hate." > -
Sigmund Freud
> "If I have any beliefs about immortality, it is that certain dogs I have > known will go to heaven, and very, very few persons." _-James Thurber
> "I wonder what goes through his mind when he sees us peeing in his > water bowl." -Penny Ward Moser
> "A dog teaches a boy fidelity, perseverance, and to turn around three > times before lying down." -Robert Benchley
> "I wonder if other dogs think poodles are members of a weird religious > cult." -Rita Rudner
> "Dogs need to sniff the ground; it's how they keep abreast of current > events. The ground is a giant dog newspaper, containing all kinds of >
late-breaking dog news items, which, if they are especially urgent, are > often continued in the next yard." -Dave Barry
> "Anybody who doesn't know what soap tastes like never washed a > dog."
> -Franklin P. Jones
> "My dog is worried about the economy because Alpo is up to $3.00 a > can. That's almost $21.00 in dog money." - Joe Weinstein
> "Outside of a dog, a book is probably man's best friend; inside of a dog, > it's too dark to read." -Groucho Marx
> "Ever consider what they must think of us? I mean, here we come back > from a grocery store with the most amazing haul -- chicken, pork, half
a > cow. _They must think we're the greatest hunters on earth!" -Anne Tyler
> "Women and cats will do as they please, and men and dogs should > relax and
> get used to the idea." -Robert A. Heinlein
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--
George
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