| Lorene Calcagno 2005-07-24, 10:16 am |
| Forwarded by FoggiLori from
"Ten Rules of Housekeeping"
1. Vacuuming too often weakens the carpet fibers. Say this with
a serious face, and shudder delicately whenever anyone mentions
Carpet Fresh.
2. Dust bunnies cannot evolve into dust rhinos when disturbed.
Rename the area under the couch "The Galapagos Islands" and claim
an ecological exemption.
3. Layers of dirty film on windows and screens provide a helpful
filter against harmful and aging rays from the sun. Call it an SPF
factor of 5 and leave it alone.
4. Cobwebs artfully draped over lampshades reduces the glare from
the bulb, thereby creating a romantic atmosphere. If your husband
points out that the light fixtures need dusting, simply look
affronted and exclaim, "What? And spoil the mood?"
5. In a pinch, you can always claim that the haphazard tower of
unread magazines and newspapers next to your chair provides the
valuable Feng Shui aspect of a tiger, thereby reducing your
vulnerability. Roll your eyes when you say this.
6. Explain the mound of pet hair brushed up against the doorways
by claiming you are collecting it there to use for stuffing
hand sewn play animals for underprivileged children.
7. If unexpected company is coming, pile everything unsightly
into one room and close the door. As you show your guests
through your tidy home, rattle the door knob vigorously, fake
a growl and say, "I'd love you to see our Den, but Fluffy hates
to be disturbed and the shots are SO expensive."
8. If dusting is REALLY out of control, simply place a showy
urn on the coffee table and insist that "THIS is where Grandma
wanted us to scatter her ashes..."
9. Don't bother repainting. Simply scribble lightly over a
dirty wall with an assortment of crayons, and try to muster
a glint of tears as you say, "Junior did this the week before
that unspeakable accident... I haven't had the heart to clean it..."
10. Mix one-quarter cup pine-scented household cleaner with
four cups of water in a spray bottle. Mist the air lightly.
Leave dampened rags in conspicuous locations. Develop an
exhausted look, throw yourself onto the couch, and sigh,
"I clean and I clean and I still don't get anywhere..."
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