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He's checked himself in the hospital
|
|
| dreamspinner3 2005-11-11, 3:50 pm |
| My husband checked himself back into the hosptial yesterday. He called
me to let me know where he was & we talked for a couple of minutes. He
said he was sorry for hurting me & that he'd never hurt me again (this
is a promise no human being could keep), that he's ready to get
treatment, & that he loves me. He said he doesn't remember anything
that happened on November 2nd except that he took a whole bunch of
pills to try & kill himself.
I have mixed emotions about this. I'm happy he checked himself in but
does he really want help? Or is he just doing it to try & lull me into
thinking he's serious this time? I still care about him--do I want to
wait to see what happens for a week or so do should I just push on &
get a divorce lawyer right away?
I'm so confused. Of course, I don't know what he wants. Maybe he
doesn't want to stay married anymore.
| |
|
| dreamspinner3 wrote:
> My husband checked himself back into the hosptial yesterday. He called
> me to let me know where he was & we talked for a couple of minutes. He
> said he was sorry for hurting me & that he'd never hurt me again (this
> is a promise no human being could keep), that he's ready to get
> treatment, & that he loves me. He said he doesn't remember anything
> that happened on November 2nd except that he took a whole bunch of
> pills to try & kill himself.
>
> I have mixed emotions about this. I'm happy he checked himself in but
> does he really want help? Or is he just doing it to try & lull me into
> thinking he's serious this time? I still care about him--do I want to
> wait to see what happens for a week or so do should I just push on &
> get a divorce lawyer right away?
>
> I'm so confused. Of course, I don't know what he wants. Maybe he
> doesn't want to stay married anymore.
>
sounds like he's trying to do the right thing
| |
| dreamspinner3 2005-11-11, 3:50 pm |
| I think he is, but I don't know. He is not a stupid person & he knows
how to play the system to get what he wants. He's done it before. He
knows me very well, he knows just what to say & do to get me thinking
things are different this time. But he has never checked himself into
the hospital before.
| |
|
| dreamspinner3 wrote:
> I think he is, but I don't know. He is not a stupid person & he knows
> how to play the system to get what he wants. He's done it before. He
> knows me very well, he knows just what to say & do to get me thinking
> things are different this time. But he has never checked himself into
> the hospital before.
>
either way a little sobriety won't hurt him. If
anything it'll help clear is head.
| |
| dreamspinner3 2005-11-11, 3:50 pm |
| Yes, it will. But what about my head, LOL? Seriously, I'm going to
take a few days & think things over before I take any action. I've got
the breathing room right now to just relax & think about things now
that I don't feel like I'm in crisis-mode anymore.
| |
|
| Go to an alannon meeting. discuss your situation with someone that has
experience, that helps me with any problem that I have(Well no the
alannon part). If you have a Big Book try reading chapter "To Wives"
and "To the Family Afterwards" They were very helpfull to my family.
| |
| someone in need 2005-11-11, 3:50 pm |
| you will get all kinds of advice. some advice will stem out of hate
and other out of love.
no one can make the decision for you.
i have a newly alcoholic wife that i love very much. we split
physically. if she asks to come back i will say OK but ONLY after she
completes at least 3 months of rehab. I believe when dealing with an
addict, albeit a loved one, you must look at their actions and not
words.
i can say what i would do in your shoes. i would play it by ear and
observe her actions over the next few months. if she can prove herself
truly sober than i accept her wholeheartedly.
On 7 Nov 2005 11:28:59 -0800, "dreamspinner3" <dreamspinner3@gmx.net>
wrote:
>I think he is, but I don't know. He is not a stupid person & he knows
>how to play the system to get what he wants. He's done it before. He
>knows me very well, he knows just what to say & do to get me thinking
>things are different this time. But he has never checked himself into
>the hospital before.
| |
|
| dreamspinner3 wrote:
> My husband checked himself back into the hosptial yesterday. He called
> me to let me know where he was & we talked for a couple of minutes. He
> said he was sorry for hurting me & that he'd never hurt me again (this
> is a promise no human being could keep), that he's ready to get
> treatment, & that he loves me. He said he doesn't remember anything
> that happened on November 2nd except that he took a whole bunch of
> pills to try & kill himself.
>
> I have mixed emotions about this. I'm happy he checked himself in but
> does he really want help? Or is he just doing it to try & lull me into
> thinking he's serious this time? I still care about him--do I want to
> wait to see what happens for a week or so do should I just push on &
> get a divorce lawyer right away?
>
> I'm so confused. Of course, I don't know what he wants. Maybe he
> doesn't want to stay married anymore.
>
Only you can decide Kim. I went through the same mental gyrations
when my husband entered a 4 month rehab program. The best thing
I can say about that is that is gives you a period of calm to assess
your situation. There is a great feeling of relief, and hope that maybe
this is the time it will work. Sometimes it does, sometimes it
doesn't. For me, at least I knew where he was and what he
(wasn't) doing. It worked for awhile, but didn't seem to last. God
knows why, but I sure don't.
What do you want? Do you want to stay married and take the
chance? It was also the first time he had ever made the decision
to check in on his own. I thought that would make a difference.
Apparently, it was only me that it made a difference to in the long run.
Kai
| |
| Robert McGregor 2005-11-11, 3:50 pm |
|
"dreamspinner3" <dreamspinner3@gmx.net> wrote in message
news:1131391739.428772.184200@z14g2000cwz.googlegroups.com...
>I think he is, but I don't know. He is not a stupid person & he
>knows
> how to play the system to get what he wants. He's done it before.
> He
> knows me very well, he knows just what to say & do to get me
> thinking
> things are different this time. But he has never checked himself
> into
> the hospital before.
>
Checkmate would have to be your decision, but he's now countered your
move, and called :- Check!
Bob
| |
| Dreamspinner3 2005-11-11, 3:50 pm |
| On Tue, 8 Nov 2005 10:40:42 +1000, "Robert McGregor"
<robert_mcgregor@knickers.yahoo.com.au> wrote:
>Checkmate would have to be your decision, but he's now countered your
>move, and called :- Check!
I'm going to stay the course, let him make his own decisions. There
is nothing else I can do.
-----
Kim/Dreamspinner3
Visit My Homepage: http://members.tripod.com/dreamspinner3/
| |
| stuart 2005-11-11, 3:50 pm |
|
dreamspinner3 <dreamspinner3@gmx.net> wrote in message
news:1131390920.837473.142100@g49g2000cwa.googlegroups.com...
> My husband checked himself back into the hosptial yesterday. He called
> me to let me know where he was & we talked for a couple of minutes. He
> said he was sorry for hurting me & that he'd never hurt me again (this
> is a promise no human being could keep), that he's ready to get
> treatment, & that he loves me. He said he doesn't remember anything
> that happened on November 2nd except that he took a whole bunch of
> pills to try & kill himself.
>
> I have mixed emotions about this. I'm happy he checked himself in but
> does he really want help? Or is he just doing it to try & lull me into
> thinking he's serious this time? I still care about him--do I want to
> wait to see what happens for a week or so do should I just push on &
> get a divorce lawyer right away?
>
> I'm so confused. Of course, I don't know what he wants. Maybe he
> doesn't want to stay married anymore.
He is in self-pity and remorse. He wants you to feel sympathy and be hopeful
he's "doing something" about his problem.
The part about doing something is good. After you indicated you wanted him
out, what were his motivations in sharing this with you? actually think
he's on Step 9 of the AA program?
Why doesn't he just do it?
Why not stand back and just let him get on with his own recovery?
Doesn't sound like you can really help him at this point anyways.
| |
| John Royer 2005-11-11, 3:50 pm |
|
"dreamspinner3" <dreamspinner3@gmx.net> wrote in message
news:1131390920.837473.142100@g49g2000cwa.googlegroups.com...
> My husband checked himself back into the hosptial yesterday. He called
> me to let me know where he was & we talked for a couple of minutes. He
> said he was sorry for hurting me & that he'd never hurt me again (this
> is a promise no human being could keep), that he's ready to get
> treatment, & that he loves me. He said he doesn't remember anything
> that happened on November 2nd except that he took a whole bunch of
> pills to try & kill himself.
>
> I have mixed emotions about this. I'm happy he checked himself in but
> does he really want help? Or is he just doing it to try & lull me into
> thinking he's serious this time? I still care about him--do I want to
> wait to see what happens for a week or so do should I just push on &
> get a divorce lawyer right away?
>
> I'm so confused. Of course, I don't know what he wants. Maybe he
> doesn't want to stay married anymore.
When I made the decision to get help it was for me. I remember after my
treatment trying to find a way to tell my wife how sorry I was. No words
could really express it and it almost seemed futile to try. I simply said
"I'm sorry" and left it at that. Over the last two years I've lived how
sorry I am.
I knew our marriage was on probation. I knew if it was to be it was up to
me. I did not keep apologizing, I just kept doing the things I needed to do
to get better. I just passed two years of sobriety and I'm still doing the
things I need to do to be a better person. She told me I'm her hero again.
That should be your Litmus test. His actions will speak louder than words.
You however need to let him know this in no uncertain terms. If he does not
do what is necessary FROM HERE ON IN to get better then you have to do what
is right for you and he must be certain you will follow through.
Perhaps he doesn't want to stay married. Perhaps this is his way of hiding
this. Who knows, in his state right now, him least of all. Let him start his
recovery and see what happens. I hope he sees his path and I hope it
includes both of you.
| |
| rosie read n' post 2005-11-11, 3:50 pm |
|
"John Royer" <john.royer2@sympatico.ca> wrote in message
news:Y22cf.12015$1L3.387915@news20.bellglobal.com...
>
> That should be your Litmus test. His actions will speak louder than
words.
> You however need to let him know this in no uncertain terms. If he
does not
> do what is necessary FROM HERE ON IN to get better then you have to do
what
> is right for you and he must be certain you will follow through.
>
BINGO!
great post john!
| |
| Dreamspinner3 2005-11-11, 3:50 pm |
| On Tue, 08 Nov 2005 04:28:32 GMT, "stuart" <fred@nospam.com> wrote:
>He is in self-pity and remorse. He wants you to feel sympathy and be hopeful
>he's "doing something" about his problem.
>The part about doing something is good. After you indicated you wanted him
>out, what were his motivations in sharing this with you? actually think
>he's on Step 9 of the AA program?
I don't know what his motives are became I am not going to talk to him
to find out. And where did I indicate I wanted him out? I never
wanted him out of the hospital, I want him to stay in so he gets the
help he needs, if he's ready for it.
>Why doesn't he just do it?
I can't answer that either. I can guess.
>Why not stand back and just let him get on with his own recovery?
I thought that's what I've been doing so far.
>Doesn't sound like you can really help him at this point anyways.
Nope.
-----
Kim/Dreamspinner3
Visit My Homepage: http://members.tripod.com/dreamspinner3/
| |
| stuart 2005-11-11, 3:50 pm |
|
"Dreamspinner3" <dreamspinner3@gmail.com> wrote in message
news:8er1n1tr3393i6lqu2fgf406e6m37gm0jg@4ax.com...
> On Tue, 08 Nov 2005 04:28:32 GMT, "stuart" <fred@nospam.com> wrote:
>
>
> I don't know what his motives are became I am not going to talk to him
> to find out. And where did I indicate I wanted him out? I never
> wanted him out of the hospital, I want him to stay in so he gets the
> help he needs, if he's ready for it.
My apology for the Canuckism. "Out" (pronounced 'oot') means to "just take
off eh?"
Didn't mean out of the hospital..
You know what's cool is all the recovery shows on TV nowadays. I think its
helping those on need of help to see what might be required to get healthy
again, and get the thinking apparatus running a little better....
Stay Well
>
>
> I can't answer that either. I can guess.
>
>
> I thought that's what I've been doing so far.
>
>
> Nope.
> -----
> Kim/Dreamspinner3
> Visit My Homepage: http://members.tripod.com/dreamspinner3/
| |
| Default 2005-11-19, 10:51 am |
|
"dreamspinner3" <dreamspinner3@gmx.net> wrote in message
news:1131390920.837473.142100@g49g2000cwa.googlegroups.com...
> My husband checked himself back into the hosptial yesterday. He called
> me to let me know where he was & we talked for a couple of minutes. He
> said he was sorry for hurting me & that he'd never hurt me again (this
> is a promise no human being could keep), that he's ready to get
> treatment, & that he loves me. He said he doesn't remember anything
> that happened on November 2nd except that he took a whole bunch of
> pills to try & kill himself.
>
> I have mixed emotions about this. I'm happy he checked himself in but
> does he really want help? Or is he just doing it to try & lull me into
> thinking he's serious this time? I still care about him--do I want to
> wait to see what happens for a week or so do should I just push on &
> get a divorce lawyer right away?
>
> I'm so confused. Of course, I don't know what he wants. Maybe he
> doesn't want to stay married anymore.
>
Is your husband aware that not only are you complaining about me to your
therapist and an Alanon group, you are always yapping about him on a public
newsgroup??? Geez Lady, enough is enough. Let the drunk YOU married have
some privacy. Bad enough you have been carrying on with his friend behind
his back. Sounds like you are driving the old man to drink, bitching and
griping about him anywhere and everywhere you can. Why in God's name are
you asking people on a XXXXing public newsgroup if YOU should file for
divorce?? Are you nuttier than the drunken old man is?
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| |
| Default 2005-11-19, 10:51 am |
|
"someone in need" <nobody@nowhere.com> wrote in message
news:n8hvm1hkknhp7h0ciql1632sk95pkste8u@4ax.com...
> you will get all kinds of advice. some advice will stem out of hate
> and other out of love.
>
> no one can make the decision for you.
>
>
>
> i have a newly alcoholic wife that i love very much. we split
> physically. if she asks to come back i will say OK but ONLY after she
> completes at least 3 months of rehab. I believe when dealing with an
> addict, albeit a loved one, you must look at their actions and not
> words.
How does somebody become "newly alcoholic??" I didn't think it 'popped up'
like the chicken pox or measles!
>
> i can say what i would do in your shoes. i would play it by ear and
> observe her actions over the next few months. if she can prove herself
> truly sober than i accept her wholeheartedly.
>
> On 7 Nov 2005 11:28:59 -0800, "dreamspinner3" <dreamspinner3@gmx.net>
> wrote:
>
>
>
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| |
| dan mcgown 2005-11-19, 10:51 am |
| I just think that trolls are so *cute* -- the way that you stand out in the
garden under the bird bath in your little pointy red hats -- oh, sorry!
That's gnomes, isn't it. The equivalent lack of stature always tricks me.
Oh yeah, bugger off, troll or garden gnome or whatever you are.
"Default" <SetAsDefault@properties.comnospam> wrote in message
news:1132407203_8597@spool6-east.superfeed.net...
>
> "dreamspinner3" <dreamspinner3@gmx.net> wrote in message
> news:1131390920.837473.142100@g49g2000cwa.googlegroups.com...
>
> Is your husband aware that not only are you complaining about me to your
> therapist and an Alanon group, you are always yapping about him on a
> public newsgroup??? Geez Lady, enough is enough. Let the drunk YOU
> married have some privacy. Bad enough you have been carrying on with his
> friend behind his back. Sounds like you are driving the old man to drink,
> bitching and griping about him anywhere and everywhere you can. Why in
> God's name are you asking people on a XXXXing public newsgroup if YOU
> should file for divorce?? Are you nuttier than the drunken old man is?
>
>
>
> ----== Posted via webservertalk.com - Unlimited-Unrestricted-Secure Usenet
> News==----
> http://www.webservertalk.com The #1 Newsgroup Service in the World! >100,000
> Newsgroups
> ---= East/West-Coast Server Farms - Total Privacy via Encryption =---
| |
| Robert McGregor 2005-11-19, 12:50 pm |
| "dan mcgown" <dmcgown@adelphia.net> wrote in message
news:PYydnWzHXvFkruLeRVn-tQ@adelphia.com...
>I just think that trolls are so *cute* -- the way that you stand out
>in the garden under the bird bath in your little pointy red hats --
>oh, sorry! That's gnomes, isn't it. The equivalent lack of stature
>always tricks me.
>
> Oh yeah, bugger off, troll or garden gnome or whatever you are.
Danny? No kind offers of private "help"? This is not a prospective
boyfriend, at all?
After reading closely, I wouldn't be at all surprised if this is
either an acquaintance of dreamspinner, or her husband.
If so, G'Day, default, that name would have suited me
perfectly when I was drinking.
Bob
>
> "Default" <SetAsDefault@properties.comnospam> wrote in message
> news:1132407203_8597@spool6-east.superfeed.net...
>
>
| |
| Default 2005-11-19, 12:50 pm |
| Funny how on Dreamspinner's online blog, she doesn't mention her husband's
struggle with alcoholism, instead, she brought it here, to a public
newsgroup. I will never understand why people bring their entire personal
lives to online blogs and newsgroups. The poor drunk husband probably has
no idea she has been blabbing about him all over the net. Or, maybe that's
why he drinks, ya think?
See: http://members.tripod.com/dreamspinner3/
"Robert McGregor" <robert_mcgregor@knickers.yahoo.com.au> wrote in message
news:437f58a4_1@news.iprimus.com.au...
> "dan mcgown" <dmcgown@adelphia.net> wrote in message
> news:PYydnWzHXvFkruLeRVn-tQ@adelphia.com...
>
>
> Danny? No kind offers of private "help"? This is not a prospective
> boyfriend, at all?
>
> After reading closely, I wouldn't be at all surprised if this is
> either an acquaintance of dreamspinner, or her husband.
>
> If so, G'Day, default, that name would have suited me
> perfectly when I was drinking.
>
> Bob
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
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| |
| dan mcgown 2005-11-19, 5:50 pm |
|
"Robert McGregor" <robert_mcgregor@knickers.yahoo.com.au> wrote in message
news:437f58a4_1@news.iprimus.com.au...
>
> Danny? No kind offers of private "help"? This is not a prospective
> boyfriend, at all?
>
> After reading closely, I wouldn't be at all surprised if this is
> either an acquaintance of dreamspinner, or her husband.
>
> If so, G'Day, default, that name would have suited me
> perfectly when I was drinking.
>
> Bob
>
Oh, really? After reading closely I wouldn't be surprised at all if
this is a just person trying to give the impression that they are either an
acquaintance of dreamspinner or her husband so that they can follow up on
the earlier snarky question gratuitously tossed into the thread by another
troll about whether she was screwing her friend's husband.
By the way, not that it's particularly any of your business, I have
never met anyone from the group in the real world and have never dated any
other guy from AA. Too many complications and too many ways for it all to
go down in flames. If you have any boy friends to spare, however, I'd like
to meet them, although Australia seems a bit of a way down the road from
Akron, Ohio.
| |
| Robert McGregor 2005-11-19, 5:50 pm |
|
"Default" <SetAsDefault@properties.comnospam> wrote in message
news:1132421785_10473@spool6-east.superfeed.net...
> Funny how on Dreamspinner's online blog, she doesn't mention her
> husband's struggle with alcoholism, instead, she brought it here,
> to a public newsgroup.
Dreamspinner's not the first to bring her problems here, generally be
welcomed too. However, if you want to be a real arsehole, hang around
and put shit on all the friends/family of alcoholics that post their
problems here, you can. (some of them probly think that I think
that's my role here anyway) This is an open group, without even the
FAQ that commonly apply, at least theoretically, in Usenet.
> I will never understand why people bring their entire personal
> lives to online blogs and newsgroups.
Ok, if that's all you don't understand your one very unlucky person.
If I had only one incomprehension left I would hang on to it for all
it was worth. Understanding often brings with it some very
uncomfortable decisions, uncomfortable responsibilities, and
downright difficult but essential actions too!
>The poor drunk husband probably has no idea she has been blabbing
>about him all over the net. Or, maybe that's why he drinks, ya
>think?
I think it don't matter to me at all why he drinks. This group is
generally not about drinking. According to the header, it's supposed
to be about recovery from alcoholism, which essentially involves
*not* drinking.
> See: http://members.tripod.com/dreamspinner3/
I've already seen it and feel no need, at all, to see it again.
Is that all?
Bob
>
> "Robert McGregor" <robert_mcgregor@knickers.yahoo.com.au> wrote in
> message news:437f58a4_1@news.iprimus.com.au...
>
>
>
>
> ----== Posted via webservertalk.com - Unlimited-Unrestricted-Secure
> Usenet News==----
> http://www.webservertalk.com The #1 Newsgroup Service in the World!
> ---= East/West-Coast Server Farms - Total Privacy via Encryption
> =---
| |
| stuart 2005-11-19, 5:50 pm |
|
"Robert McGregor" <robert_mcgregor@knickers.yahoo.com.au> wrote in message
news:437f7771_1@news.iprimus.com.au...
>
> "Default" <SetAsDefault@properties.comnospam> wrote in message
> news:1132421785_10473@spool6-east.superfeed.net...
>
> Dreamspinner's not the first to bring her problems here, generally be
> welcomed too. However, if you want to be a real arsehole, hang around
> and put shit on all the friends/family of alcoholics that post their
> problems here, you can. (some of them probly think that I think
> that's my role here anyway) This is an open group, without even the
> FAQ that commonly apply, at least theoretically, in Usenet.
>
>
> Ok, if that's all you don't understand your one very unlucky person.
> If I had only one incomprehension left I would hang on to it for all
> it was worth. Understanding often brings with it some very
> uncomfortable decisions, uncomfortable responsibilities, and
> downright difficult but essential actions too!
>
>
> I think it don't matter to me at all why he drinks. This group is
> generally not about drinking. According to the header, it's supposed
> to be about recovery from alcoholism, which essentially involves
> *not* drinking.
>
>
> I've already seen it and feel no need, at all, to see it again.
>
> Is that all?
>
> Bob
I thought his comments were funny in a sardonic sort of way.
| |
| dan mcgown 2005-11-19, 5:50 pm |
| Sorry, Stuart, I agree with Bob on this. I think that "areshole" sums it
up.
"stuart" <ggo@feds.org> wrote in message
news:MOKff.119559$S4.25913@edtnps84...
>
> "Robert McGregor" <robert_mcgregor@knickers.yahoo.com.au> wrote in message
> news:437f7771_1@news.iprimus.com.au...
>
> I thought his comments were funny in a sardonic sort of way.
>
| |
| stuart 2005-11-19, 5:50 pm |
|
"dan mcgown" <dmcgown@adelphia.net> wrote in message
news:RrednTsJod-u5uLeRVn-ow@adelphia.com...
> Sorry, Stuart, I agree with Bob on this. I think that "areshole" sums it
> up.
Dat's Arschll...I was being fecetious Ms. Mcgown...:-)
> "stuart" <ggo@feds.org> wrote in message
> news:MOKff.119559$S4.25913@edtnps84...
>
>
| |
| dan mcgown 2005-11-19, 5:50 pm |
| That's *fairy queen* McGown to you, bucko! <grin>
"stuart" <ggo@feds.org> wrote in message
news:%bLff.119567$S4.98569@edtnps84...
>
> "dan mcgown" <dmcgown@adelphia.net> wrote in message
> news:RrednTsJod-u5uLeRVn-ow@adelphia.com...
>
> Dat's Arschll...I was being fecetious Ms. Mcgown...:-)
>
>
>
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| Fool...
He drinks because he is an ALCOHOLIC...
Period!!
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