Alcoholism Recovery - This is shit

Author

This is shit

gary

2004-09-13, 10:06 pm

Nothing in life seems to give me pleasue, ok i go a run & enjoy the odd
chat, but the alcohol is always there in my mind & am wanting it, never in
mornings, but always after a run & before a meal.
My seperation from my girl is never going away, only getting worse, i miss
her, i dream of her & think of her always. I am with another, but can't
think of her in a way i should, as a boyfriend!
Each day i drink cos i need to & i don't care anymore, my life was sorted
with here & our plans, & now i just don't give a flying XXXX if i die of
alcohol poisoning or whatever, at least all my thoughts will be no more, my
dreams of my past & my love for her.

Gary

Dan McGown

2004-09-14, 4:06 am

"gary" <gary@marsden74.fsnet.co.uk> wrote in message
news:chso2r$4q1$1@newsg3.svr.pol.co.uk
> Nothing in life seems to give me pleasue, ok i go a run & enjoy the odd
> chat, but the alcohol is always there in my mind & am wanting it, never in
> mornings, but always after a run & before a meal.
> My seperation from my girl is never going away, only getting worse, i miss
> her, i dream of her & think of her always. I am with another, but can't
> think of her in a way i should, as a boyfriend!
> Each day i drink cos i need to & i don't care anymore, my life was sorted
> with here & our plans, & now i just don't give a flying XXXX if i die of
> alcohol poisoning or whatever, at least all my thoughts will be no more,
> my
> dreams of my past & my love for her.
>
> Gary

Gary,
All of that sounds like echos of my own past, except that it was my
ex-wife and not my girlfriend. I have the scars from the single car
accident with no seatbelt (I had to get drunk enough to do it, of course) to
remind me of that part of the dues that I have paid.
It sounds so easy to say this but it is indispensable: The first thing
that you have to do is decide to stay alive.
If you don't do that, you can't recover. If you don't do that, your
life will be both shortened and blighted as long as it does exist.
Please try to go back to square one and start over. Believe a
survivor: life is still worth living.
Dan

stuart

2004-09-14, 7:06 pm

"gary" <gary@marsden74.fsnet.co.uk> wrote in message
news:chso2r$4q1$1@newsg3.svr.pol.co.uk...
> Nothing in life seems to give me pleasue, ok i go a run & enjoy the odd
> chat, but the alcohol is always there in my mind & am wanting it, never in
> mornings, but always after a run & before a meal.
> My seperation from my girl is never going away, only getting worse, i miss
> her, i dream of her & think of her always. I am with another, but can't
> think of her in a way i should, as a boyfriend!
> Each day i drink cos i need to & i don't care anymore, my life was sorted
> with here & our plans, & now i just don't give a flying XXXX if i die of
> alcohol poisoning or whatever, at least all my thoughts will be no more,
> my
> dreams of my past & my love for her.
>
> Gary

Sounds a lot like me Gary, once upon a time. I tell you what, tho'. When I
stopped drinking, the selection of available women increased dramatically.
and I didn't need to settle for second best.
Having said that, however, after I stayed sober awhile, I began to
understand that women who were constantly on my mind were often involved in
the same addicted thought processes as any other of my addictions, and once
I got better, those particularwomen began to look less attractive to me
also. Especially if I happened to bump into them periodicaly, and began to
notice they hadn't changed and I had. Happened the other day, as a matter of
fact. Passed her in my brand new convertible, instead of the old beater I
used to drive. She was still in her dad's old car because she can't afford
one of her own. Seems shallow, I know, but she seemed a little pathetic
nevertheless.

Food for thought. Just don't drink today, just for today.

gary

2004-09-15, 11:06 am

Cheggers
You hit the nail on the head, all you say is bang on!, i do
drink to self medicate & all the anxiety goes away, but i know that if i
didn't drink, i'd be better long term.
Problem is i'm addicted to drink & week as i may seem, i'm not ready to
quit!, a definate chicken & egg situation!
The anxiety i get during the day is brought on by my thoughts of my past,
this doesn't go away & is there all the time about my relationship break up
& what could've been, the fact that i hear nothing & i was hurt & lied to,
this is whya i drink also, because i feel pain & want to self harm myself,
maybe a cry out for attention, like if i died & she knew, she would feel
guilty!, sad, i know!

Stuart
My ex was not much of a drinker, yes a glass of wine with a meal, but
her dad was an alcoholic & maybe i reminded her of his past. The change in
voice, the stumbling, the smell on my breath etc & i know now that along
with anxiety/depression, it is the cause of her not being here with me now &
this hurts me to the core & the pain doesn't go away. If i told her i'd
stopped, she wouldn't answer me & this kills me. So if i stopped now, it'd
make no difference, only for me to think "why the hell didn't you do this
before, now it's too late".
Thanks
Gary
stuart <nospam@freds.com> wrote in message
news:SYH1d.7361$yW6.6760@clgrps12...
>
> "gary" <gary@marsden74.fsnet.co.uk> wrote in message
> news:chso2r$4q1$1@newsg3.svr.pol.co.uk...
in[vbcol=seagreen]
miss[vbcol=seagreen]
sorted[vbcol=seagreen]
>
> Sounds a lot like me Gary, once upon a time. I tell you what, tho'. When I
> stopped drinking, the selection of available women increased dramatically.
> and I didn't need to settle for second best.
> Having said that, however, after I stayed sober awhile, I began to
> understand that women who were constantly on my mind were often involved
in
> the same addicted thought processes as any other of my addictions, and
once
> I got better, those particularwomen began to look less attractive to me
> also. Especially if I happened to bump into them periodicaly, and began to
> notice they hadn't changed and I had. Happened the other day, as a matter
of
> fact. Passed her in my brand new convertible, instead of the old beater I
> used to drive. She was still in her dad's old car because she can't afford
> one of her own. Seems shallow, I know, but she seemed a little pathetic
> nevertheless.
>
>
> Food for thought. Just don't drink today, just for today.
>
>

stuart

2004-09-15, 7:07 pm

"gary" <gary@marsden74.fsnet.co.uk> wrote in message
news:ci9d7t$63j$1@news5.svr.pol.co.uk...
> Cheggers
> You hit the nail on the head, all you say is bang on!, i do
> drink to self medicate & all the anxiety goes away, but i know that if i
> didn't drink, i'd be better long term.
> Problem is i'm addicted to drink & week as i may seem, i'm not ready to
> quit!, a definate chicken & egg situation!
> The anxiety i get during the day is brought on by my thoughts of my past,
> this doesn't go away & is there all the time about my relationship break
> up
> & what could've been, the fact that i hear nothing & i was hurt & lied to,
> this is whya i drink also, because i feel pain & want to self harm myself,
> maybe a cry out for attention, like if i died & she knew, she would feel
> guilty!, sad, i know!
>
> Stuart
> My ex was not much of a drinker, yes a glass of wine with a meal, but
> her dad was an alcoholic & maybe i reminded her of his past. The change in
> voice, the stumbling, the smell on my breath etc & i know now that along
> with anxiety/depression, it is the cause of her not being here with me now
> &
> this hurts me to the core & the pain doesn't go away. If i told her i'd
> stopped, she wouldn't answer me & this kills me. So if i stopped now, it'd
> make no difference, only for me to think "why the hell didn't you do this
> before, now it's too late".
> Thanks
> Gary

Sounds to me like you are addicted to more than just drink. If you mind me
saying so, it sounds like you have an addiction towards having this
relationship with this woman also. Perhaps you missed my point a little. If
you work on your addiction to alcohol and recover from that, odds are pretty
good that you will feel differently towards this woman also. Just might end
up she wants you, but you might not be all that excited about wanting her
anymore. I realize this might seem unthinkable, but where were you before
you met her? Did you not have a happy time in your life without knowing her?
Man oh man, I could not go back to the pain and angst you seem to be living
with right now. That's not a life Gary, that's he ll on earth. Glad i know
differently now.
Best of Luck Gary
Stuart

> stuart <nospam@freds.com> wrote in message
> news:SYH1d.7361$yW6.6760@clgrps12...
> in
> miss
> sorted
> in
> once
> of
>
>

Cheggers

2004-09-16, 2:06 am

"gary" <gary@marsden74.fsnet.co.uk> wrote in message news:<ci9d7t$63j$1@news5.svr.pol.co.uk>...
> Cheggers
> You hit the nail on the head, all you say is bang on!, i do
> drink to self medicate & all the anxiety goes away, but i know that if i
> didn't drink, i'd be better long term.
> Problem is i'm addicted to drink & week as i may seem, i'm not ready to
> quit!, a definate chicken & egg situation!
> The anxiety i get during the day is brought on by my thoughts of my past,
> this doesn't go away & is there all the time about my relationship break up
> & what could've been, the fact that i hear nothing & i was hurt & lied to,
> this is whya i drink also, because i feel pain & want to self harm myself,
> maybe a cry out for attention, like if i died & she knew, she would feel
> guilty!, sad, i know!

So what you seem to be saying, Gary, is that you have a set of reasons
to self-medicate with booze, and that you're addicted to alcohol, and
that you're not ready to make any changes right now.

If I've got that right, then fair play to you, mate... it sounds like
a straightforward appraisal of your situation. I admire your honesty.

Unfortunately, there's not much that anyone can do for you, either
here in this newsgroup (or in your medics' consulting rooms) if you,
yourself, are not ready to make any changes. After all, nobody else
can change you... only you can.

As for the self harm stuff, I think most folks can identify with that
at some point or other in their lives (I certainly can). But the
problem with self-harm, in reality, is that it won't make your
ex-partner feel guilty.

It might make them feel *sorry for you* but it sure won't make them
*sorry for what they did* (breaking up with you).

On the contrary, it vindicates whatever reasons they had for letting
you (or me, or whoever) go in the first place. It proves their
concerns (whatever they might have been...) were well-founded.

After all, who'd knowingly choose a a self-harmer for their
partner/husband/wife/mother or father of their kids?

Tell you what... I had a girl let me go for being a nascent alcoholic
nutjob once, and - just like you - I didn't like it a bit. But, y'know
what? She was right: I was a bad bet, bad news, and a bad moon
a-rising. And she made a good decision for herself.

Of course, I didn't see it like that at the time, but it's plain in
hindsight, and I'm glad today that she made that choice, because it
played a part in getting me "here," and I'm grateful for that.

So let go the whole self-harm ideation. She wouldn't be saying "Oh
God, if only I'd been more patient with Gary's alcoholism and
concomitant anxiety he'd be alive today." She'd more likely say "See?
I told you he was a ticking time bomb. Thank XXXX I didn't have any
children with him else I'd be up shit creek without a life insurance
payout to feed and clothe the little bastards."

Anyway, Gary, looking on the bright side, nothing endures, so things
will change for you sooner or later. It's my hope for you that you're
your own agent of change and that you make good choices.

Best,

Cheggs
Who's been there and hopes not to return anytime soon.

sruart

2004-09-16, 11:06 am

"Cheggers" <cheggers2004@hotmail.com> wrote in message
news:ffb957f.0409152013.1414852@posting.google.com...
> "gary" <gary@marsden74.fsnet.co.uk> wrote in message
news:<ci9d7t$63j$1@news5.svr.pol.co.uk>...
do[vbcol=seagreen]
to[vbcol=seagreen]
past,[vbcol=seagreen]
up[vbcol=seagreen]
to,[vbcol=seagreen]
myself,[vbcol=seagreen]
>
> So what you seem to be saying, Gary, is that you have a set of reasons
> to self-medicate with booze, and that you're addicted to alcohol, and
> that you're not ready to make any changes right now.
>
> If I've got that right, then fair play to you, mate... it sounds like
> a straightforward appraisal of your situation. I admire your honesty.
>
> Unfortunately, there's not much that anyone can do for you, either
> here in this newsgroup (or in your medics' consulting rooms) if you,
> yourself, are not ready to make any changes. After all, nobody else
> can change you... only you can.
>
> As for the self harm stuff, I think most folks can identify with that
> at some point or other in their lives (I certainly can). But the
> problem with self-harm, in reality, is that it won't make your
> ex-partner feel guilty.
>
> It might make them feel *sorry for you* but it sure won't make them
> *sorry for what they did* (breaking up with you).
>
> On the contrary, it vindicates whatever reasons they had for letting
> you (or me, or whoever) go in the first place. It proves their
> concerns (whatever they might have been...) were well-founded.
>
> After all, who'd knowingly choose a a self-harmer for their
> partner/husband/wife/mother or father of their kids?
>
> Tell you what... I had a girl let me go for being a nascent alcoholic
> nutjob once, and - just like you - I didn't like it a bit. But, y'know
> what? She was right: I was a bad bet, bad news, and a bad moon
> a-rising. And she made a good decision for herself.
>
> Of course, I didn't see it like that at the time, but it's plain in
> hindsight, and I'm glad today that she made that choice, because it
> played a part in getting me "here," and I'm grateful for that.
>
> So let go the whole self-harm ideation. She wouldn't be saying "Oh
> God, if only I'd been more patient with Gary's alcoholism and
> concomitant anxiety he'd be alive today." She'd more likely say "See?
> I told you he was a ticking time bomb. Thank XXXX I didn't have any
> children with him else I'd be up shit creek without a life insurance
> payout to feed and clothe the little bastards."
>
> Anyway, Gary, looking on the bright side, nothing endures, so things
> will change for you sooner or later. It's my hope for you that you're
> your own agent of change and that you make good choices.
>
> Best,
>
> Cheggs
> Who's been there and hopes not to return anytime soon.

Good advice Cheggs. I wonder how Gary feels about the concept of not wanting
this girl. I suggested there might come a time when he isn't interested in
her anymore. I wonder if Gary thinks this concept would be unthinkable,
frightening. If so, he may be whining and pining for this woman, and loving
every miserable minute of it. Sometimes when we don't know better, the
depressed repetitive mindthink of resentment in our drinking is better than
no stimulation.
Takes a while in sobriety to enjoy the right kind of emotional stimulation,
like the euphoria of vigorous exercise, or a good belly laugh with friends.
I hope he makes it back..
If nothing changes, nothing changes.

Cheggers

2004-09-16, 10:06 pm

"sruart" <didi1606nopsm@telus.net> wrote in message news:<rSg2d.18924$t61.17542@clgrps13>...
<snip>
> Sometimes when we don't know better, the
> depressed repetitive mindthink of resentment in our drinking is better than
> no stimulation.

You're right. It would have been nice to have known (or been open to
learning) that a long time ago

<snip>
> If nothing changes, nothing changes.

It's true. Spontaneous remission never happened for me.

Best

Cheggs

gary

2004-09-23, 11:08 am

Hi Stuart & thanks
Who the XXXX are they, i shall never the
less find out & do it Mybe i know them serubtitiously, but not off hand!
Cheers!
Gaz
stuart <didi1606nopsm@telus.net> wrote in message
news:JXg4d.73985$KU5.745@edtnps89...
> gary;
>
> I am going to offer a solution that absolutely changed my life when I
> sobered up. Take my advice seriously. Get those boring old "Joe and
Charlie"
> tapes and listen to them in their entirety at least three times. They are
8
> hours long, and I recommend an afternoon devoted to each half. Listen to
the
> whole lecture and don't cheat by shutting them off if they get to a dull
> section. Listen carefully. They aren't complicated guys, but they may
offer
> some revelations which will be very very valuable to you and your future.
>
> Stuart
>
>
>
>
> "gary" <gary@marsden74.fsnet.co.uk> wrote in message
> news:cirfp1$33q$1@newsg3.svr.pol.co.uk...
anxiety![vbcol=seagreen]
> this
> was
&[vbcol=seagreen]
> see
> other.
> She
how[vbcol=seagreen]
better[vbcol=seagreen]
>
>

stuart

2004-09-23, 11:08 am

You can find them here
http://www.recoveryemporium.com

"gary" <gary@marsden74.fsnet.co.uk> wrote in message
news:ciss62$mf$1@news6.svr.pol.co.uk...
> Hi Stuart & thanks
> Who the XXXX are they, i shall never the
> less find out & do it Mybe i know them serubtitiously, but not off hand!
> Cheers!
> Gaz
> stuart <didi1606nopsm@telus.net> wrote in message
> news:JXg4d.73985$KU5.745@edtnps89...
> Charlie"
> 8
> the
> offer
> anxiety!
> &
> how
> better
>
>

Cheggers

2004-09-28, 4:29 am

"gary" <gary@marsden74.fsnet.co.uk> wrote in message news:<cirfp1$33q$1@newsg3.svr.pol.co.uk>...
> Yes all
> It would be so nice to appreciate the feelings of sober
> enlightenment & enjoyment, although i do run everyday to help my anxiety!

> I, after time have realised that what she did was probably right!, this
> is me putting myself in her shoes, i self harmed then with her if there was
> a argument & threats of leaving. My emotional fragility was scary to her &
> she only saw it when she told me she wanted to cool it.

> What hurts is the lies that she told me, that she just doesn't write to see
> how things are, afterall we were together a long time & did love each other.
> To just be cool & keep in touch & possible meetings in future, i dunno. She
> said she wants to see me, so maybe she will, when she's ready.

Do you think your self-harming led her to do whatever was necessary
(including lying) to get you back to your family and a place where you
could receive the necessary help free of charge?

I *personally* wouldn't want to be a self-harming alcohol addict in
Dallas without adequate health insurance. Given a choice, I'd take
your current situation over your previous one anytime. Is there a
possibility in hindsight that she actually did you a favor by saying
whatever it was that got you home?

Cheggs
Who understands to his cost that feelings of insecurity can not be
made to go away by banging one's head off solid objects.

Cheggers

2004-09-28, 4:29 am

"stuart" <nospam@freds.com> wrote in message news:<eBm4d.43721$t61.16778@clgrps13>...
> You can find them here
> http://www.recoveryemporium.com

And on eBay as well.

Cheggs
Who might be an alkie but still likes a bargain.

Robert McGregor

2004-09-28, 4:29 am

"Cheggers" <cheggers2004@hotmail.com> wrote in message
news:ffb957f.0409222040.480cced6@posting.google.com...
> "stuart" <nospam@freds.com> wrote in message
> news:<eBm4d.43721$t61.16778@clgrps13>...
>
> And on eBay as well.
>
> Cheggs
> Who might be an alkie but still likes a bargain.

They're free here http://xa-speakers.org/pafiledb.php
and living sober is free @
http://www.whalenbrothers.com/sg/aa...ober/lsober.htm

gary

2004-09-28, 4:29 am

Thanks, i'll check out these tapes!
Yes, she did me a favour, but she treated me like i was a violent
partner that beat her or was unfaithfull, like she hated me for being ill!
Anxiety, i never wanted, i just wanted our life there to be successfull,
then this shit happened. The fact that i don't even get a mail asking of my
progress is painful.
When i returned, she told me by mail that she wanted to see me again in
future, this she didn't have to do, so i live in hope!
Alcohol was a prob to her, even social moderate drinking, as she has bad
memories of her father & wanted her own way with that.
Thanks
Gary
Cheggers <cheggers2004@hotmail.com> wrote in message
news:ffb957f.0409222033.3f0aa085@posting.google.com...
> "gary" <gary@marsden74.fsnet.co.uk> wrote in message
news:<cirfp1$33q$1@newsg3.svr.pol.co.uk>...
anxiety![vbcol=seagreen]
>
this[vbcol=seagreen]
was[vbcol=seagreen]
&[vbcol=seagreen]
>
see[vbcol=seagreen]
other.[vbcol=seagreen]
She[vbcol=seagreen]
>
> Do you think your self-harming led her to do whatever was necessary
> (including lying) to get you back to your family and a place where you
> could receive the necessary help free of charge?
>
> I *personally* wouldn't want to be a self-harming alcohol addict in
> Dallas without adequate health insurance. Given a choice, I'd take
> your current situation over your previous one anytime. Is there a
> possibility in hindsight that she actually did you a favor by saying
> whatever it was that got you home?
>
> Cheggs
> Who understands to his cost that feelings of insecurity can not be
> made to go away by banging one's head off solid objects.

2004-09-28, 4:29 am

"gary" <gary@marsden74.fsnet.co.uk> wrote in message
news:cj0reb$2h5$1@news8.svr.pol.co.uk...
> Thanks, i'll check out these tapes!
> Yes, she did me a favour, but she treated me like i was a
violent
> partner that beat her or was unfaithfull, like she hated me for
being ill!
> Anxiety, i never wanted, i just wanted our life there to be
successfull,
> then this shit happened. The fact that i don't even get a mail
asking of my
> progress is painful.
> When i returned, she told me by mail that she wanted to see me
again in
> future, this she didn't have to do, so i live in hope!
> Alcohol was a prob to her, even social moderate drinking, as she has
bad
> memories of her father & wanted her own way with that.
> Thanks
> Gary

Gary:

Emotional Sobriety
(Extracts from a letter written by Bill Wilson)

"I think that many oldsters who have put our AA "booze cure" to severe
but successful tests still find they often lack emotional sobriety.

Those adolescent urges that so many of us have for top approval,
perfect security and perfect romance--urges quite appropriate to age
seventeen-- prove to be an impossible way of life when we are at age
forty-seven or fifty-seven.

Since AA began, I've taken immense wallops in all these areas because
of my failure to grow up, emotionally and spiritually. My God, how
painful it is to keep demanding the impossible, and how very painful
to discover finally, that all along we have had the cart before the
horse! Then comes the final agony of seeing how awfully wrong we have
been, but still finding ourselves unable to get off the emotional
merry-go-round.

How to translate a right mental conviction into a right emotional
result, and so into easy, happy and good living--well, that's not only
the neurotic's problem, its the problem of life itself for all of us
who have got to the point of real willingness to hew to right
principles in all our affairs.

Even then, as we hew away, peace and joy will still elude us. That's
the place so many of us AA oldsters have come to. And it's a hell of a
spot, literally. How shall our unconscious--from which so many of our
fears, compulsions and phony aspirations still stream--be brought into
line with what we actually believe, know and want! How to convince our
dumb, raging and hidden "Mr Hyde" becomes our main task.

I've recently come to believe that this can be achieved. I believe so
because I begin to see many benighted ones--folks like you and me--
commencing to get results. Last autumn [several years back - ed.]
depression, having no really rational cause at all, almost took me to
the cleaners. I began to be scared that I was in for another long
chronic spell. Considering the grief I've had with depressions, it
wasn't a bright prospect..

I kept asking myself, "Why can't the Twelve Steps work to release
depression?" By the hour, I stared at the St. Francis Prayer... "It's
better to comfort than to be comforted." Here was the formula, all
right. But why didn't it work?

Suddenly I realized what the matter was. My basic flaw had always been
dependence--almost absolute dependence--on people or circumstances to
supply me with prestige, security and the like. Failing to get these
things according to my perfectionist dreams and specifications, I had
fought for them. And when defeat came, so did my depression.

There wasn't a chance of making the outgoing love of St. Francis a
workable and joyous way of life until these fatal and almost absolute
dependencies were cut away.

Because I had over the years undergone a little spiritual development,
the absolute quality of these frightful dependencies had never before
been so starkly revealed. Reinforced by what Grace I could secure in
prayer, I found I had to exert every ounce of will and action to cut
off these faulty emotional dependencies upon people, upon AA, indeed,
upon any set of circumstances whatever.
Then only could I be free to love as Francis had. Emotional and
instinctual satisfactions, I saw, were really the extra dividends of
having love, offering love, and expressing a love appropriate to each
relationship of life.

Plainly, I could not avail myself of God's love until I was able to
offer it back to Him by loving others as He would have me. And I
couldn't possibly do that so long as I was victimized by false
dependencies.

For my dependency meant demand--a demand for the possessions and
control of the people and the conditions surrounding me.
While those words "absolute dependency" may look like a gimmick, they
were the ones that helped to trigger my release into my present degree
of stability and guietness of mind, qualities which I am now trying to
consolidate by offering love to others regardless of the return to me.

If we examine every disturbance we have, great or small, we will find
at the root of it some unhealthy dependency and its consequent
unhealthy demand."
(Source: http://home.earthlink.net/~insure/emotional.html

I doubt that I'm alone in thinking that these words are words of
wisdom.

ATB

JB

Cheggers

2004-09-28, 4:29 am

"gary" <gary@marsden74.fsnet.co.uk> wrote in message news:<cj0reb$2h5$1@news8.svr.pol.co.uk>...
> Thanks, i'll check out these tapes!
> Yes, she did me a favour, but she treated me like i was a violent
> partner that beat her or was unfaithfull, like she hated me for being ill!
> Anxiety, i never wanted, i just wanted our life there to be successfull,
> then this shit happened. The fact that i don't even get a mail asking of my
> progress is painful.

I think your pain is entirely understandable. A lot of people,
however, would call self-harm a form of violence. There's arguably a
pretty thin line between drawing your own blood in an attempt to
control another person's behavior and making *them* bleed for the same
purpose.

As I told you before, my anxiety disappeared when I stopped drinking.

> When i returned, she told me by mail that she wanted to see me again in
> future, this she didn't have to do, so i live in hope!

You've been back a while now and she's not returning your calls,
right? Perhaps not the best signs, mate? And anyway, what about this
other bird you're nobbling?

> Alcohol was a prob to her, even social moderate drinking, as she has bad
> memories of her father & wanted her own way with that.

So why not either get clean and sorted, and then re-present yourself
to her ladyship or just accept that you and she were never gonna make
a tasty cocktail together?

By the way, look for a new email at the top of the stack especially
for you.

Best, as always.

Cheggs

gary

2004-09-28, 4:29 am

Thanks Cheggs
I have had 2 days of abstinence & the build up of
pressure was immence into me wanting a drink. so i did, i felt better when i
didn't drink, but the craving was unbearable.Wine & beeer & Vodka flowed & i
felt great, i know it was an artificial sence of being ok, but i did!
This niew gilr, well she's great, but i can't stop dreaming of my ex &
waking up in a state of wishing my dream would be true & therefore my
actions are cold towards her! I hate it & is shit, even when i don't drink
at night, i still dream & feel 'unattached' to my present gf!
Wish i could present myself to my ex, as "she" would make me reduce & quyit
booze, as i know she is the reason i'm this way & i never wanted to be apart
from her as i do now with the current one, trouble is, the Sheffield-
Budapest distance is difficult!
Thanks
Gaz
Cheggers <cheggers2004@hotmail.com> wrote in message
news:ffb957f.0409252201.729c5f39@posting.google.com...
> "gary" <gary@marsden74.fsnet.co.uk> wrote in message
news:<cj0reb$2h5$1@news8.svr.pol.co.uk>...
ill![vbcol=seagreen]
my[vbcol=seagreen]
>
> I think your pain is entirely understandable. A lot of people,
> however, would call self-harm a form of violence. There's arguably a
> pretty thin line between drawing your own blood in an attempt to
> control another person's behavior and making *them* bleed for the same
> purpose.
>
> As I told you before, my anxiety disappeared when I stopped drinking.
>
>
> You've been back a while now and she's not returning your calls,
> right? Perhaps not the best signs, mate? And anyway, what about this
> other bird you're nobbling?
>
>
> So why not either get clean and sorted, and then re-present yourself
> to her ladyship or just accept that you and she were never gonna make
> a tasty cocktail together?
>
> By the way, look for a new email at the top of the stack especially
> for you.
>
> Best, as always.
>
> Cheggs

[[]]

2004-09-28, 4:29 am

"gary" <gary@marsden74.fsnet.co.uk> wrote in message
news:cj71ig$fhe$1@newsg1.svr.pol.co.uk...
> Thanks Cheggs
> I have had 2 days of abstinence & the build up of
> pressure was immence into me wanting a drink. so i did, i felt better when
> i
> didn't drink, but the craving was unbearable.Wine & beeer & Vodka flowed &
> i
> felt great, i know it was an artificial sence of being ok, but i did!
> This niew gilr, well she's great, but i can't stop dreaming of my ex &
> waking up in a state of wishing my dream would be true & therefore my
> actions are cold towards her! I hate it & is shit, even when i don't drink
> at night, i still dream & feel 'unattached' to my present gf!
> Wish i could present myself to my ex, as "she" would make me reduce &
> quyit
> booze, as i know she is the reason i'm this way & i never wanted to be
> apart
> from her as i do now with the current one, trouble is, the Sheffield-
> Budapest distance is difficult!
> Thanks
> Gaz

Gary-I'm really sorry. There's not much I can offer...however I can and will
pray that you will find a way.

-Steve

"There but for the grace of God go [I]."
-John Bradford

2004-09-28, 4:29 am

"[[]]" <[[]]@[[]].com> wrote in message
news:iSH5d.2070$St6.928@fe26.usenetserver.com...
>
> "gary" <gary@marsden74.fsnet.co.uk> wrote in message
> news:cj71ig$fhe$1@newsg1.svr.pol.co.uk...
up of[vbcol=seagreen]
better when[vbcol=seagreen]
flowed &[vbcol=seagreen]
did![vbcol=seagreen]
my ex &[vbcol=seagreen]
my[vbcol=seagreen]
don't drink[vbcol=seagreen]
reduce &[vbcol=seagreen]
to be[vbcol=seagreen]
Sheffield-[vbcol=seagreen]
>
> Gary-I'm really sorry. There's not much I can offer...however I can
and will
> pray that you will find a way.
>
> -Steve
>
> "There but for the grace of God go [I]."
> -John Bradford
>
When I joined this NG, three days after quitting drinking, I posted
many messages that made it obvious to some that I lay the blame for
such things as my depressions, lack of self-worth,
insecurities and alcoholism on people other than myself and
situations/events that had caused me pain. At lease one person had
the balls to tell me that until I decided to stop whining and to
follow the same programme that has helped other alcoholics achieve
recovery from alcoholism, I stood no chance of achieving this myself.
He was right :^)

JB

gary

2004-09-28, 4:29 am

At the moment i feel i want to drink as i enjoy it, i still haven't found
the thing to replace it as far as family, hobbies, work etc. All this i have
& still i need to drink to fulfill my cravings at the end of the day! Close
people to me say i'm better, less aggressive & easier to get on with when i
don't drink, but people i know who go to the pub & have normal lives & drink
say i should get out more, forget your anxiety, come downtown have a laugh &
with them i'd never have a problem with drink, but they seem to have
relationships that are successful, live life, successfull jobs etc!
Difference is i have anxiety & demons. Is it that i continuously have
relationships with girls that don't like booze, as i'm put off by girls that
club & drink heavily, thats so weird! Surely i should want to be with a
equal girl that drinks alot, but i don't.
I do like to drink, but only at night, i spoke to a girl that went with her
girl friends to New York shopping & they wanted to visit bars all day & that
to me would be shit & a waste, not to see the place, ok get pissed at night,
but it was like bar, shop, bar shop! Am i wrong & bad or something!
Gary
JB <JBCatRB@coldman.com> wrote in message
news:cj7jka$rup$1@newsg2.svr.pol.co.uk...
> "[[]]" <[[]]@[[]].com> wrote in message
> news:iSH5d.2070$St6.928@fe26.usenetserver.com...
> up of
> better when
> flowed &
> did!
> my ex &
> my
> don't drink
> reduce &
> to be
> Sheffield-
> and will
> When I joined this NG, three days after quitting drinking, I posted
> many messages that made it obvious to some that I lay the blame for
> such things as my depressions, lack of self-worth,
> insecurities and alcoholism on people other than myself and
> situations/events that had caused me pain. At lease one person had
> the balls to tell me that until I decided to stop whining and to
> follow the same programme that has helped other alcoholics achieve
> recovery from alcoholism, I stood no chance of achieving this myself.
> He was right :^)
>
> JB
>
>
>

2004-09-28, 4:29 am

"gary" <gary@marsden74.fsnet.co.uk> wrote in message
news:cj9krd$n30$1@news5.svr.pol.co.uk...
> At the moment i feel i want to drink as i enjoy it, i still haven't
found
> the thing to replace it as far as family, hobbies, work etc. All
this i have
> & still i need to drink to fulfill my cravings at the end of the
day! Close
> people to me say i'm better, less aggressive & easier to get on with
when i
> don't drink, but people i know who go to the pub & have normal lives
& drink
> say i should get out more, forget your anxiety, come downtown have a
laugh &
> with them i'd never have a problem with drink, but they seem to have
> relationships that are successful, live life, successfull jobs etc!
> Difference is i have anxiety & demons. Is it that i continuously
have
> relationships with girls that don't like booze, as i'm put off by
girls that
> club & drink heavily, thats so weird! Surely i should want to be
with a
> equal girl that drinks alot, but i don't.
> I do like to drink, but only at night, i spoke to a girl that went
with her
> girl friends to New York shopping & they wanted to visit bars all
day & that
> to me would be shit & a waste, not to see the place, ok get pissed
at night,
> but it was like bar, shop, bar shop! Am i wrong & bad or something!
> Gary

Gary,

Your attitudes and behaviour suggest that you have not yet achieved
emotional maturity.

JB

gary

2004-09-29, 11:13 am

gary

2004-09-30, 7:09 pm

True, my maturity is positive & good in someways, but not others!, i'm just
at a loss!
JB <JBCatRB@coldman.com> wrote in message
news:cja4oi$p22$1@newsg2.svr.pol.co.uk...
> "gary" <gary@marsden74.fsnet.co.uk> wrote in message
> news:cj9krd$n30$1@news5.svr.pol.co.uk...
> found
> this i have
> day! Close
> when i
> & drink
> laugh &
> have
> girls that
> with a
> with her
> day & that
> at night,
>
> Gary,
>
> Your attitudes and behaviour suggest that you have not yet achieved
> emotional maturity.
>
> JB
>
>
>

2004-09-30, 7:09 pm

"gary" <gary@marsden74.fsnet.co.uk> wrote in message
news:cjf6jj$op5$1@newsg2.svr.pol.co.uk...
> snip>
i'm just
> at a loss!

You're the sole reason why you could remain in this state for quite
some time.

JB

Dan McGown

2004-09-30, 7:09 pm

> i'm just
>
> You're the sole reason why you could remain in this state for quite
> some time.

In my experience, "I'm at a loss" usually does not mean "I don't know the
answer" but rather "I don't like the answer."

2004-09-30, 7:09 pm

"Dan McGown" <dmcgown@adelphia.net> wrote in message
news:xIadnfsJcfvEvsbcRVn-ug@adelphia.com...
quite[vbcol=seagreen]
>
> In my experience, "I'm at a loss" usually does not mean "I don't
know the
> answer" but rather "I don't like the answer."

However the phrase may be interpreted, the consequences will be no
different ?

JB

Dan McGown

2004-09-30, 7:09 pm

> However the phrase may be interpreted, the consequences will be no
> different ?

As Dennis Farina and his partner keep saying in "Big Trouble" -- "You got
that right."

gary

2004-09-30, 7:09 pm

I just feel so low, i don't wanna stop the booze & i love my drink, sorry as
it seems, but is true! I guess i need something physical to stop me, cos i
don't! & don't care!
Dan McGown <dmcgown@adelphia.net> wrote in message
news:e-GdnQsAv9LxtcbcRVn-ig@adelphia.com...
>
> As Dennis Farina and his partner keep saying in "Big Trouble" -- "You got
> that right."
>
>

2004-09-30, 7:09 pm

"gary" <gary@marsden74.fsnet.co.uk> wrote in message
news:cjfad2$bii$1@newsg3.svr.pol.co.uk...
> I just feel so low, i don't wanna stop the booze & i love my drink,
sorry as
> it seems, but is true! I guess i need something physical to stop me,
cos i
> don't! & don't care!

Try duct tape :^)

JB

Cheggers

2004-10-01, 7:08 pm

gary

2004-10-01, 7:08 pm

gary

2004-10-02, 7:10 pm

[[]]

2004-10-03, 7:09 pm

afraid not

2004-10-20, 4:06 am

"gary" <gary@marsden74.fsnet.co.uk> wrote in message
news:cj71ig$fhe$1@newsg1.svr.pol.co.uk...

Wish i could present myself to my ex, as "she" would make me reduce & quyit
booze, as i know she is the reason i'm this way

Sorry to burst your bubble Gary, but think again!

afraid not

2004-10-23, 2:06 am