| Walt R. 2004-12-27, 7:06 pm |
| Monday, December 27th 2004
I picked up a 14-year chip last month. Every day is a gift in
sobriety; every year is hard won. This past year I have gone through a
little more than the ones before - and I did not drink - praise
God. Without the relationship I have today with my Creator - I would
have been hopelessly lost navigating through the events of this past
year. What started out as a surgery to remove tumors turned into a big
deal because the tumors were
determined to be cancerous. The medication I was on following my
surgery caused painful vertigo - I could not turn my heard without
fighting nausea, and after every movement I would have to wait until
the room stopped spinning. I had to take off time from work in order
to recover from the surgery, but I could not afford to take off the big
block of time it was suggested I do, so after a month I went back to
work part time. I have had to work 2 jobs in order to keep my
household going and to support my kids (I am a single mom), but a year
ago I had to stop the second job because of exhaustion, and since the
surgery I have not been able it pick it back up again. I work full
time as an office manager and then I sell rash guards I sew on
consignment at a surf shop on weekends. This is a rough Christmas - I
am not sending out cards because I just don't have the money - even
for
cards. The real gift this Christmas will have to be that God has
healed me of the cancer. I continue to struggle financially - I
thought before the cancer things were tough and they were, but I have
learned it can be very expensive to beat death. I have borrowed from
the next month to pay the current month and it's all come to a head now
at the end of the year. God sees fit for me to make it each month -
even if just barely. Last month's rent was a tough one - I
swallowed whatever little pride I had left and I went to all the
agencies that help people with rent. No one had money - I qualified,
but there was no money left to give out. I paid =BD my rent on the first
of December and I had to come up with the balance by the 15th - or be
out by the 31st, so I was applying to all the agencies, but no luck, so
I borrowed the money. Paying back the borrowed money has to come from
this
month's paycheck - so I will be that much behind. A constant
juggling act. Even though I have medical insurance - it is the minimal
coverage, so my medical bills have been very high. Every time there is
a medication switch - it costs more - and I hate to see what is left in
the old bottle unused when the switch is made. Tough to be frugal when
your life depends on it. The
reality of this whole past year is frightening. We will make it
somehow - God always brings us through. I keep juggling the utilities
- paying one month and skipping the next to pay another utility, but
now it's December and they all want their money and there's no
getting around paying it if I want to keep the roof over our heads, the
phone and the power on, the garbage picked up and the water flowing.
What I learned in AA was how to not panic - how to look at the pile
of bills and look at the money coming in and dole a little out to each
one to keep it all turned on. I have learned to only write checks
there is money in the bank to cover. I have learned to be honest and up
front with my creditors. I have learned to not purchase frivolities
when there are basic needs yet to be met. 14 years ago my life was a
mess - there was no concept of balance. The Promises do not say we
will be financially solvent - the Promises say," Fear of people and
of economic insecurity will leave us. We will intuitively know how to
handle situations which used to baffle us. We will suddenly realize
that God is doing for us what we could not do for ourselves." Today,
this only day I have, I am not drinking, I am doing the footwork to get
the basics taken care of and I am trusting that God will do for me what
I cannot do for myself. He hasn't dropped me yet!
(Soberly submitted by Elizabeth of Los Gatos, CA)
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