Recovery aa - Frustrated

Author

Frustrated

Mollypup

2004-11-20, 11:10 am

Well, I started my new volunteer job. It went ok, I guess. I am quite
disappointed in myself, though. I am going to be working one day a week in
Human Resources, and two days a week in the ER. I started yesterday in HR,
and was supposed to work for 4 hours. They had me putting together new
employee packets, so I was pulling a lot of papers out of shelves and such.
After 2 hours, I started losing control of my fine finger movements in my
right hand, and was having an extremely difficult time pulling the papers. I
knew I had been having more trouble with my right hand over the past month
or so, but I never expected that to happen! I spoke with my supervisor, and
we both agreed that I should probably just do 2 hour shifts to start. So
today, I worked for 2 hours in the ER. Of course, I was on my feet the
entire time. Afterwards, I was totally exhausted.

I feel so frustrated and angry. How am I ever going to get back to work if I
can't even handle more than 2 hours at a time? I am determined to do this -
I *have* to do this. I guess I just have to keep going and hope that I can
build up to more hours at a time, but it is so frustrating! I don't know.
Sometimes it is so hard to keep a positive attitude about it all, you know?
I guess it is a matter of acceptance. Accepting how things are now, and
working towards the future. Easier said than done, though. I want things to
be better NOW. I want to be working like a normal person and supporting
myself, not struggling constantly. I want my life back! Oh well. I will keep
plugging away and doing the best I can. I guess that's all I *can* do.

Thanks for listening to me vent. Sorry if I sound really negative right now.

--
- Sandy

Jack G

2004-11-20, 11:10 am

"Mollypup" <Mollypup1@msn.com> wrote in message
news:cn1bji0tqc@news3.newsguy.com...
> Well, I started my new volunteer job. It went ok, I guess. I am quite
> disappointed in myself, though. I am going to be working one day a week in
> Human Resources, and two days a week in the ER. I started yesterday in HR,
> and was supposed to work for 4 hours. They had me putting together new
> employee packets, so I was pulling a lot of papers out of shelves and
such.
> After 2 hours, I started losing control of my fine finger movements in my
> right hand, and was having an extremely difficult time pulling the papers.
I
> knew I had been having more trouble with my right hand over the past month
> or so, but I never expected that to happen! I spoke with my supervisor,
and
> we both agreed that I should probably just do 2 hour shifts to start. So
> today, I worked for 2 hours in the ER. Of course, I was on my feet the
> entire time. Afterwards, I was totally exhausted.
>
> I feel so frustrated and angry. How am I ever going to get back to work if
I
> can't even handle more than 2 hours at a time? I am determined to do
this -
> I *have* to do this. I guess I just have to keep going and hope that I can
> build up to more hours at a time, but it is so frustrating! I don't know.
> Sometimes it is so hard to keep a positive attitude about it all, you
know?
> I guess it is a matter of acceptance. Accepting how things are now, and
> working towards the future. Easier said than done, though. I want things
to
> be better NOW. I want to be working like a normal person and supporting
> myself, not struggling constantly. I want my life back! Oh well. I will
keep
> plugging away and doing the best I can. I guess that's all I *can* do.
>

re : I want things to be better NOW. I want to be working like a normal
person and supporting
myself, not struggling constantly.

This is something I have often felt too. In sobriety and in my addiction.
While actively drinking I always wanted everything instantly. The idea of
slow plodding progress towards a goal was something I could not fathom. I
wanted success and happiness to happen for me as quickly as the euphoria /
relief / whatever of a few drinks. In recovery I wanted to 'get' the
steps, god, the program, and my life together and I wanted it now damnit.

Finally that eased up for me a bit and just putting one foot in front of the
other is ok most days. When I measure the myself of today against the
myself of yesterday and I have made progress in some way, good enough for
me. Measuring myself against the yardstick of these mythical 'normal'
people usually gets me nowhere except frustrated.

Peace,

Jack.

Kimba

2004-11-20, 11:10 am

On Thu, 11 Nov 2004 22:46:55 -0500, "Mollypup" <Mollypup1@msn.com>
wrote:

>Thanks for listening to me vent. Sorry if I sound really negative right now.

You sound frustrated and scared.

Do the best you can - that's all you can do.

Being powerless sucks, and when it's our own bodies that betray us,
it's hard to swallow.

Give yourself a break, please.

Hugs,
Kimba

--

"It's a god-eat-god world."

-- (Terry Pratchett, Small Gods

Ted L.

2004-11-20, 11:10 am

"Mollypup" <Mollypup1@msn.com> wrote in message
news:cn1bji0tqc@news3.newsguy.com...
>
> Thanks for listening to me vent. Sorry if I sound really negative right
now.
>

You have every reason to vent and to feel negative -- it was clear this was
something you really were looking forward to.
Is it possible to do a substantial amount of it sitting down, perhaps on
some kind of a high stool? In any case, I would
guess that if you haven't been accustomed to doing anything like it, it
would be especially tiring until you build up some
stamina. I do hope that is possible.

--
Ted L.

Benedictus, qui venit in nomine Domini.

David M

2004-11-20, 11:10 am

Mollypup wrote:

> I feel so frustrated and angry. How am I ever going to get
> back to work if I can't even handle more than 2 hours at a
> time? I am determined to do this - I *have* to do this. I
> guess I just have to keep going and hope that I can build up
> to more hours at a time, but it is so frustrating! I don't
> know. Sometimes it is so hard to keep a positive attitude
> about it all, you know? I guess it is a matter of acceptance.
> Accepting how things are now, and working towards the future.
> Easier said than done, though. I want things to be better
> NOW. I want to be working like a normal person and supporting
> myself, not struggling constantly. I want my life back! Oh
> well. I will keep plugging away and doing the best I can. I
> guess that's all I *can* do.

> Thanks for listening to me vent. Sorry if I sound really
> negative right now.

Think how far you've already come and how long it took. Be
proud of that. You deserve to be. Then keep going forward, no
matter how slowly. You don't need to get there today. There is
always tomorrow. And the next day.

2004-11-20, 11:10 am

"Mollypup" <Mollypup1@msn.com> wrote in message
news:cn3l7v01k9k@news2.newsguy.com...
> It's getting there. I am grateful to be doing the work at all.
Especially
> when 4 years ago I could barely walk.
>
> --
> - Sandy
>
Dear Sandy,

Are you in close touch with any support group for people who have the
same condtion as you ? Irrespective of whether or not you are, maybe
at this website, you'll find info that could at some point be helpful
to you

http://rsds.org/

Best regards

JB

Grace H.

2004-11-20, 11:10 am

in article cn6h4102248@news4.newsguy.com, Mollypup at Mollypup1@msn.com
wrote on 11/13/04 6:51 PM:

> Grace H. wrote:
>
>
> Thanks, Grace. don't worry - I'm not giving up. Not by a long shot! :-)

You'd better not, Sandy - otherwise I'd have to come and see you.

Mollypup

2004-11-20, 11:10 am

JB wrote:
> "Mollypup" <Mollypup1@msn.com> wrote in message
> news:cn3l7v01k9k@news2.newsguy.com...
> Dear Sandy,
>
> Are you in close touch with any support group for people who have the
> same condtion as you ? Irrespective of whether or not you are, maybe
> at this website, you'll find info that could at some point be helpful
> to you
>
> http://rsds.org/
>
> Best regards
>
> JB

Thanks, JB. Actually, I have been there many times.

--
- Sandy

Mollypup

2004-11-20, 11:10 am

Grace H. wrote:

> That's right, Sandy. Take little steps and you'll get stronger
> eventually. You are a winner and you are going to reach your goal.

Thanks, Grace. don't worry - I'm not giving up. Not by a long shot! :-)

--
- Sandy