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| On Sun, 23 Oct 2005 11:17:37 -0500, azure <none@this.time> wrote:
>On Tue, 18 Oct 2005 14:46:22 GMT, Liz <isnexttogodly@heaven.net>
>wrote:
>
>
>I'd like to comment on us since i lived through those times, too, and
>observed many of the actors in this drama and saw their
>decision-making processes. and frankly i feel some guilt too,
>because, looking back on it, it seems clear that there WAS an amount
>of danger involved, and i should have seen it. but during the time
>you actually were preparing to go see Ghostwolf, honest to God, it
>NEVER XXXXING OCCURRED TO ME that there could be some actual, genuine
>risk.
>
>i'm not sure if i was still angry at you then, and figuring that you
>were the cause of all the discord in the group, that you were the
>Antichrist and all that.
You hardly trust me, now. But I don't trust anyone myself.
> but i do know that, as it was put together
>and put forward, the story that was told and the mindset it was
>presented in, just simply made this preposterous.
>
>Ghostwolf sometimes voiced the complaint that no one took him
>seriously. he'd tell terrible things about himself and people would
>either argue with him or not believe him. this might be what was
>happening then. for myself i think that when i heard that he had
>fantasies about hurting you, i just chalked it up to him being too
>honest with us, and/or thinking that our "daddy" was being too modest.
>GW was the group daddy, the leader. i've looked at my need to believe
>in that type of icon, of Daddies who had successfully leashed and
>harnessed the darkness within. somehow it never occurs to us to
>contemplate what it would be like if that darkness slipped out. nor
>how very likely this is to happen, since the best predictor of future
>behavior is indeed past behavior. it was a childish idea, and several
>perps, not just GW, have used that sentiment to latch on to AAR and
>enjoy their own playing field.
>
>those were more innocent times, when we uncritically believed in SRA
>and MPD and all that. i remember reading a newspaper passage from the
>children's testimony on the Minnesota daycare child abuse case. and
>thinking, "what the XXXX?" but also remembering the mantra, "children
>never lie." for similar reasons one was not inclined to disbelieve
>anything about Ghostwolf. victims never lie.
>
>also, if he admitted that he had such fantasies about the person/s who
>hurt him, that struck a chord with me, because i had similar
>fantasies. at one time in my life i indulged in them a great deal.
I think having fantasies about someone who hurt you is normal. I
think having fantasies about wanting to hurt someone you have
professed to be the anti-christ and then deciding you want to *meet*
them may be an issue.
>and yet i knew that i would never, ever carry them out. the line
>between fantasy and reality was strong in me, and so was my sense of
>morality. i think i might have extrapolated this certainty to GW.
>thinking that he was like me in this way, when looking back, i can see
>that i truly had no way of KNOWING that he was. just a belief, feed
>by childish need.
>
>so, i had chalked his words up to the sort of "my girdle is killing
>me" exaggeration people sometimes indulge in. i did have the
>information, but it went totally against a strong blanket of belief,
>and it did not occur to me to take it seriously.
>
>truly, if pat should have told you, i should have told you, too. and
>i'm sorry i didn't.
Yes, you should have. And the motives people had for not saying
anything no doubt differ.
>this is not to excuse anything. this is to perhaps shed more light on
>it.
>
>
>No. i cannot believe this. i cannot believe that Pat would
>deliberately want something to happen to you. no way. no how.
I disagree - I think she is *capable* of it. Most people are, if
they're honest, of wanting something bad to happen to people they
dislike. I know Pat liked her drama - I think back to me plugging up
my modem with hot glue to stay offline, and Pat calling me to tell me
that deb was talking shit about me and maybe it was time for me to
come back. But several of us liked our drama. Still do, in fact.
*Would* she have set me up on purpose? I don't know. I don't know
Pat any better than anyone else here, though I honestly believe Pat is
more honest with herself about herself than most people here.
>did you see what happened a few weeks ago, when the hurricane was
>heading for Texas? i'm convinced that if the tables were turned and
>Pat lived more inland, she'd open her home to Windy. in true
>life-and-death matters, people here don't play games.
People here play games all the time, azure. Some of them are life and
death. Some are 'just for fun' that make other people want to crawl
in a hole and die.
I'm not willing ever to be the one it's ok to kill off.
>
>azure
>_________
>
>W.W.G.D.
>What would Grissom do?
~*~ I am incredibly silly, so I emphasize you. My tropical liaison won't improve before I say it ~*~
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