Abuse recovery - Old Wounds

Author

Old Wounds

Rachel

2004-12-29, 2:06 am

Hello all,

I've been lurking here for quite some time, not posting as I'm not sure if I
can keep up with some of the debates. Recently however, I've had to confront
some old ghosts as I am now in therapy, which brings so much emotion to the
surface. It is six o'clock in the morning here and I am facing anothet night
of no sleep.

When I was sixteen (I'm now in my mid-thirties) I was " indecently
assaulted", at least, that was the legal term for it in our antiquated
British legal system. In any other language, I was sodomised by an evil
b*stard who prayed on young women in my local city centre.

I decided to file a report with the police, and I might have felt better
about the whole thing, but, the trial was absolutely shambolic, as my
attacker just pretended he didn't speak English. Going through a Court
interpreter was just a mess, and I saw my attacker walk free. Nobody
disputed what had taken place, it was just that the defence claimed it was a
consensual act.

I, on the other hand, seemed to get a life sentence. It has had a
devastating effect on my sex life and general intimacy with other people (I
am so mistrustful) and has made me nervous about going downtown. I have had
bouts of depression ever since my late teens. Most of all, I hate myself for
letting it happen in the first place. In my nightmares, I am back there
again, pressed against that smelly wall, gasping for air. Just when I think
I am going to suffocate, I wake up.

I've never been able to talk to my family about what happened, so I am truly
grateful to have found this newsgroup, to help sort my thoughts out. Thank
youi for letting me talk to you.

Much love,
Rachel

Liz

2004-12-29, 2:06 am

On Wed, 29 Dec 2004 05:57:16 +0000 (UTC), "Rachel"
<luckmara@letterboxes.org> wrote:

>Hello all,
>
>I've been lurking here for quite some time, not posting as I'm not sure if I
>can keep up with some of the debates. Recently however, I've had to confront
>some old ghosts as I am now in therapy, which brings so much emotion to the
>surface. It is six o'clock in the morning here and I am facing anothet night
>of no sleep.
>
>When I was sixteen (I'm now in my mid-thirties) I was " indecently
>assaulted", at least, that was the legal term for it in our antiquated
>British legal system. In any other language, I was sodomised by an evil
>b*stard who prayed on young women in my local city centre.
>
>I decided to file a report with the police, and I might have felt better
>about the whole thing, but, the trial was absolutely shambolic, as my
>attacker just pretended he didn't speak English. Going through a Court
>interpreter was just a mess, and I saw my attacker walk free. Nobody
>disputed what had taken place, it was just that the defence claimed it was a
>consensual act.
>
>I, on the other hand, seemed to get a life sentence. It has had a
>devastating effect on my sex life and general intimacy with other people (I
>am so mistrustful) and has made me nervous about going downtown. I have had
>bouts of depression ever since my late teens. Most of all, I hate myself for
>letting it happen in the first place. In my nightmares, I am back there
>again, pressed against that smelly wall, gasping for air. Just when I think
>I am going to suffocate, I wake up.

*nodding*

Been here, feel this. The gift that keeps on giving.

>I've never been able to talk to my family about what happened, so I am truly
>grateful to have found this newsgroup, to help sort my thoughts out. Thank
>youi for letting me talk to you.
>
>Much love,
>Rachel
>

Alan B. Mac Farlane

2004-12-29, 11:07 am

Hi Rachel ...

see if asking your higher power to put love into the place where the wounds
are gives any help ... its all emotional and based in fear ... a lack of
knowledge basically ... love is knowledge ...

and when you love the rattlesnake the same way God (lets say for the
discussion) love it - then the rattlesnake will never hurt you as it will
not fear you to strike out like that ... so love the rattlesnake like God
loves it ... and then you will know exactly what to do with the inside
knowledge that love does like that ...

give it a go about the old wounds and the images and people there - refuse
to live in fear ... and put love into the fear inside until it goes away.
God loves your childhood, your perpatrators and all of life just the way it
is going ... trust the process Grassshooper ...

it does work - the first 90 days seem to be the tuffests and then it gets
better fast ...

sumbuddie who cares

in article cqtgvr$to$1@titan.btinternet.com, Rachel at
luckmara@letterboxes.org wrote on 12/28/04 9:57 PM:

> Hello all,
>
> I've been lurking here for quite some time, not posting as I'm not sure if I
> can keep up with some of the debates. Recently however, I've had to confront
> some old ghosts as I am now in therapy, which brings so much emotion to the
> surface. It is six o'clock in the morning here and I am facing anothet night
> of no sleep.
>
> When I was sixteen (I'm now in my mid-thirties) I was " indecently
> assaulted", at least, that was the legal term for it in our antiquated
> British legal system. In any other language, I was sodomised by an evil
> b*stard who prayed on young women in my local city centre.
>
> I decided to file a report with the police, and I might have felt better
> about the whole thing, but, the trial was absolutely shambolic, as my
> attacker just pretended he didn't speak English. Going through a Court
> interpreter was just a mess, and I saw my attacker walk free. Nobody
> disputed what had taken place, it was just that the defence claimed it was a
> consensual act.
>
> I, on the other hand, seemed to get a life sentence. It has had a
> devastating effect on my sex life and general intimacy with other people (I
> am so mistrustful) and has made me nervous about going downtown. I have had
> bouts of depression ever since my late teens. Most of all, I hate myself for
> letting it happen in the first place. In my nightmares, I am back there
> again, pressed against that smelly wall, gasping for air. Just when I think
> I am going to suffocate, I wake up.
>
> I've never been able to talk to my family about what happened, so I am truly
> grateful to have found this newsgroup, to help sort my thoughts out. Thank
> youi for letting me talk to you.
>
> Much love,
> Rachel
>
>