Abuse recovery - Hate: The Root of Addiction

Author

Hate: The Root of Addiction

dougwa

2004-12-23, 7:06 am

Hate: the root of addictions
I came into the world in 1949. My parents had a daughter who was 6
years older than me. My father was a radio and TV repairman.The US army
had trained him to be a radar technician during world war II, and he
transferred the skills to civilian life. According to my parents,
Peoria was a rather dismal depressed area at the time, and my father
moved the family to southern California.
My early memories are fragments, snippets here and there. I remember
asking my father if there was a God when I was very small. His answer
was " I believe in a Supreme being". But that is not to say our
home was a religious one. At some point in my very early years I
remember attending a Calvary Baptist Church with my parents, and even
going to Sunday school. But my parents stopped going to Church for
reasons which are not known to me. I do remember attending Sunday
school but I was so young I cannot remember much of what went on. I do
remember getting a gold star for attendance but very little else.
Despite their occasional attendance at church, my home environment was
less than Godly. Like many homes there was a war going on between Mom
and Dad (if you were lucky enough to even have a Dad) and I became a
casualty of that war.
One morning when I was about 5 years old my younger brother (3 years
old at that time ) and I were playing with wooden blocks in our
bedroom. Vaguely I recall Mom and Dad had been fighting.Dad left the
house and my brother and I continued playing with the wooden blocks.
Mom came into the bedroom screaming, "I told you kids not to play
with those blocks". My brother said "run" and we both ran into
different parts of the house. Mom cornered him in the service porch and
I heard the screams as she beat him. Then she came flying into the
living room in a rage "Now, its your turn" she said. And ,indeed,it
was my turn.
She held me tight with one arm and hit me with full force as I looked
into her face. And it was a look of hatred I saw there. The beating
seemed like it lasted forever. Every time she hit me my hate started to
grow more intense..Her face was burned into my memory with hate.
Finally, it was over and I crumpled to the ground in relief.
That evening my Father came home. Mom met him at the door and said:.
"The children have been really bad today". Dad pointed to my
bedroom and said in a loud disapproving tone,"Go to your room".I
was sent to my room for punishment. In my room I thought of the
injustice of what was happening and I was filled with a consuming
hatred toward my father. In one day Mom had introduced me to injustice,
corrupted me with a spirit of hate, and turned me against my father.
The next day I woke up and came out of my room. Dad was at work. Mom
asked me if I was going to be good and I responded "Yes". Her
answer was " I thought you would say that". That was the worst time
but there were others. I remember the day I went to a drug store with
Mom. I was touching items on the shelves as she shopped. As we left the
store she told me "You've been bad so Im not taking you home".
She left me standing at the back door, got in her car, and drove off. I
cried intensely at the thought of being abandoned. I remember someone
leaving the store exclaiming "Look at that little boy crying".
After several minutes she came back and picked me up.
Another time I apparently wandered away from home. I remember sitting
on curb at the end of the block. My mom suddenly appeared. "There you
are" She said. And then she attacked. I don't remember much but
pain and flailing arms and elbows and being dragged home in tears.
It is true that the course of a man's life is determined by his early
years. I don't want this to sound like blame for it is not. It is
truth, and an understanding of causes. These kind of traumas in
childhood change the course of a persons life. Most of these memories
were repressed out of my consciousness mind in order to cope.In later
years the drugs would literally obliterate all memory of them. .
Have you ever seen the cruelty of children and wonder how they got that
way?
When I was about 10 years old an incident happened that is worth
telling. It was popular at that time to "pants" someone. A group of
boys would find someone they didn't like and pants them to humiliate
them. I was with a group of boys who ran across a boy in our
neighborhood, Jim T., and they decided to "pants" him. After they
got him down on the ground they pulled his pants and underwear down
exposing his genitals. I was already a smoker and I was seized by the
impulse to burn him on the genitals with a lite cigarette and proceeded
to do so. His faced grimaced in pain and he burned with resentment
towards me. He had the same look of hate on his face that I had when my
mom was beating me. I had become what I hated:. An agent of cruelty and
injustice.

Deep seated resentment like this are the root cause of addiction. In
later years when I
Experimented with drugs I found a tremendous sense of relief from my
inner turmoil,
And the experimentation became something much more than experimentation
as a result.
And does anyone doubt (despite the pleas of those like Art Linkletter)
that the roots of
Alcoholism/ addiction are in the home and of hatred of wicked parents?
How can a few
hours of D.A.R.E. or just say no campaigns (however well meaning) undo
the abuse and
trauma suffered by children at the hands of their parents?
Http://Christianrecovery.blogspot.com

Panther

2004-12-28, 11:08 am

What's FUBAR?

Panther

"Alan B. Mac Farlane" <alanb@sonic.net> wrote in message
news:BDEDA029.2252%alanb@sonic.net...
> in article 1103600239.923406.53160@c13g2000cwb.googlegroups.com, dougwa at
> tedw2@earthlink.net wrote on 12/20/04 7:37 PM:
>
>
>
> what you hate is what you become ...
>
> what you fear is what you manfest ...
>
> you carry that around inside of you - it will always mix with your
intention
> now matter what you are trying to create ...
>
> Bush is FUBAR in Iraq from the get go --- and now it is all about how much
> Bush can UNFUBAR what he FUBARED from the start ...
>
> so the end of Iraq with Bush will be some kind of FUBAR ...
>
> living in fear is the root of all addiction behaviours ...
>
> living in love is the root of all healthy behaviours ...
>
> put love inside where all the hate is Doug ...
>
> and keep putting love inside until all the hate, resentment, contempt,
fear,
> anger, bitterness, critism, judgment and expectation is gone ...
>
> take two aspirine and call me ...
>
> sumbuddie who luvs ya
>
>

Alan B. Mac Farlane

2004-12-28, 11:08 am

in article 32r6lvF3o53msU1@individual.net, cal at cal1360@hotmail.com wrote
on 12/21/04 10:03 AM:

> "Alan B. Mac Farlane" <alanb@sonic.net> wrote in message
> news:BDEDA029.2252%alanb@sonic.net...
>
> very well said.
>
>

hey ... after a few near death experiences ... and talking to the people on
the otherside ... one learns a few things about life ... ya think ?

i am happy at your salute of admiration ...

alan

James

2004-12-28, 11:08 am

On Tue, 21 Dec 2004 13:04:09 -0500, "Panther"
<panther@asarian-intl.org> wrote in message
<cq9os0$kdp$0@pita.alt.net> the following:

>What's FUBAR?

XXXXed Up Beyond All Recognition