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Home > Archive > Schizophrenia Support > October 2004 > Once
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| Once there was a time when I experienced the most beautiful sensation.
Out of the blue, something was happening to me.
I felt myself changing.
I called her 'the little one'
And somehow I knew that she had to be protected at all costs.
She was beautiful.
I have always said, that the time she came through me, was the loveliest
moment of my life.
She was there, in me, and my eyes were full of love for everyone.
I felt a love that I had never known before.
Somebody I was with at that time
who I knew could see what was happening to me
I heard him gasping
'Ah, she is lovely!'
I cannot tell you how lovely she felt to me. How lovely she made me feel.
So precious.
The moment was broken when
I left the room.
In the bathroom, I remember gasping, I could feel hands behind me somewhere.
She, the 'little one' wasn't there anymore.
I went back into the room.
Not only had the moment changed.
I had.
I walked up to the person whose voice I had heard in my mind.
And I remember reaching out my hand for his empty cup
demanding in my mind 'give it to me'
He gave me his cup.
I walked away, I remember feeling embarassed that I had spoken to somebody
like that.
That was the beginning of my sz.
I may have written something here about this before.
Over the years I wondered what had happened to the 'little one'.
I assumed that she was still there somehow, in me.
And that it was something that was wrong with me, that prevented her from
being here again.
*That* was the starting off point.
Eighteen years ago this month.
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"Judy" <jalees@easynet.co.uk> wrote in message
news:4182264b$0$27536$db0fefd9@news.zen.co.uk...
> Once there was a time when I experienced the most beautiful sensation.
> Out of the blue, something was happening to me.
> I felt myself changing.
> I called her 'the little one'
> And somehow I knew that she had to be protected at all costs.
> She was beautiful.
> I have always said, that the time she came through me, was the loveliest
> moment of my life.
>
> She was there, in me, and my eyes were full of love for everyone.
> I felt a love that I had never known before.
> Somebody I was with at that time
> who I knew could see what was happening to me
> I heard him gasping
> 'Ah, she is lovely!'
>
> I cannot tell you how lovely she felt to me. How lovely she made me feel.
> So precious.
>
> The moment was broken when
> I left the room.
> In the bathroom, I remember gasping, I could feel hands behind me
somewhere.
> She, the 'little one' wasn't there anymore.
>
> I went back into the room.
> Not only had the moment changed.
> I had.
> I walked up to the person whose voice I had heard in my mind.
> And I remember reaching out my hand for his empty cup
> demanding in my mind 'give it to me'
> He gave me his cup.
> I walked away, I remember feeling embarassed that I had spoken to somebody
> like that.
>
> That was the beginning of my sz.
> I may have written something here about this before.
>
> Over the years I wondered what had happened to the 'little one'.
> I assumed that she was still there somehow, in me.
> And that it was something that was wrong with me, that prevented her from
> being here again.
>
> *That* was the starting off point.
>
> Eighteen years ago this month.
>
>
>
This is one experience Judy and we have so many.
Don't have regrets, I am sure one day it will make sense.
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